Love’n’Lust

Her call was answered at the first ring, so she went direct with her questions.

“Ben, where are you? Randy says he can’t take me to see you without you giving him a go-ahead, so where are you?”

“Good afternoon, Miss. Sir Larkson isn’t here to take your call, I’m sorry. But if it’s important, I am more than available to relay your message,” Belle heard a polite female voice reply to her through Ben’s phone.

“Oh, okay.” She knew it had to be his assistant.

“I will make sure to inform him of your call when he returns to the office,” she heard the lady again before ending the call, disappointed that she couldn’t go to him.

Randy saw that disappointment on her face and wished he could help her but he did dare go against Ben.

****

Belle was later driven to the new house Ben got her. She was tired and couldn’t stay awake even if she wanted to overthink some things.

Late into the night, she felt a hand rubbing on her shoulder, it felt nice. The touch extended to her arm, then she felt a finger stroking her cheeks. It all felt good till it came to her mind that she should be the only one in the room and the house.

She sat up and switched on the lights by the bed. She saw Ben sitting by the edge of the bed, close to her.

“You scared me,” she told him while trying to catch her lost breath.

“I’ve missed you,” Ben told her and lifted his feet from the ground, joining her fully in bed now. He brought himself closer to her and rested his head on her thighs as she sat.

Belle saw him do something unusual. She didn’t know what to do for some seconds but she quickly thought to just caress his hair. She began stroking his hair slowly and gently, wanting to ask some questions but having second thoughts on it.

“How is your grandmother doing now?” Ben said something, breaking the silence that existed since she began stroking his hair.

“Better.” She replied and it went silent again. It made her stop with what she was doing to his hair. She lifted his face, looked at him for a while as he let her, and made a conclusion from her observation.

“Ben, are you okay?” She questioned after noticing how pale his face was. The lights were more dim than bright but she could see how tired and drained he looked.

“I’m not, “He was honest with his answer.”I’m not okay, Belle. I just need a little break,” he rested his head back on her lap, enjoying her linen night shorts, and how smooth they felt to his face but he knew it wasn’t just the material making him feel calm, it was Belle.

“What do you need a break from?”

“Everything.” His answer was quick and precise.

“Everything? Me too? Is that why you wouldn’t let Randy take me to you?”

“No Belle, I came to you as soon as I could. When I need a break, all I need is you.” His arms encircled her waist in bed.”I just want to feel your touch, because somehow, that makes me feel so much at ease.”

Belle smiled involuntarily, not knowing when she did. She loved to hear Ben say such words to her.

“I remember when I was still little,” he paused, a part of him contemplating if to continue with his decision to tell her about what had happened. He knew she wouldn’t take it out, he trusted her but then, he didn’t like to talk about things that were hard for him to remember; he didn’t like to remember it even, because whenever he did, it exposed this hurt side of him that not everybody knew.

“When I was younger, my father was never around, only came by once in a few weeks to visit. I asked my mother about it; my birth mother,” he specified.”She told me that Dad’s work required that he traveled a lot hence the reason he wasn’t always visiting home. I was young, I believed it.” He laughed shortly.

“Quite a lot of time passed, and Dad didn’t come to visit anymore. Mother said he was planning a big surprise for my sixth birthday, and that was the reason he hadn’t visited in a long time, I believed.” Ben laughed again.

“Fairly, he did plan a big surprise, right? He shows up all of a sudden on my birthday, and tells me these exact words: ‘Happy birthday son, do you know I will be taking you somewhere beautiful today?'”

“Excited as I was, I ran and told my mother all about it, but she didn’t seem happy when I told her dad was back. They talked privately, and then my mother just asks me to be a good boy for her, and kissed me goodbye, before signing these papers. I was young, but I wasn’t stupid.”

“When dad stopped coming home, things changed a lot, it became hard to feed, and my mother always sent me to the neighbors whenever any of her male friends visited.” Belle stopped massaging when he paused, she looked at his face and saw a dry smile.

“I had to watch my mother been harassed by these men sometimes because she hadn’t paid the rent, or was due for old bills and all of that, I think she borrowed money from the wrong persons back then.” Ben inhaled deeply.

“I only realized what had just happened when I was in the car with my father and I looked back and saw my mother crying. He was taking me away from her, but I couldn’t do anything, I had stupidly promised my mother not to talk about her wherever I was going.”

“My father took me home, and Mrs Larkson has been the best mother anyone who isn’t a birth mother could be to me. She gave me everything good, and all I’ve done all these years is lie to her.”

“I was so focused on keeping my birth mother’s promise, not to mention anything about her, that I balanced myself to believe that my adopted mother would be happier not knowing that her husband had a son from another woman.”

“He told her that I was from an orphanage, had some fake papers made up, and somehow, yes, I am a part of this whole big lie. All the while she has known me, I have been lying to her, but what I wanted was to save her the pain. Every time I see her smile, I feel like she is too precious to be hurt by the truth; I feel like she doesn’t deserve what my father did to her, but at the same time, I couldn’t tell her anything about it, I couldn’t bring myself to do it… all these years.” He paused for a while and Belle lifted his face to caress it.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“But now she knows,” he chuckled sadly, “Now she knows; my father told her everything while they were having an argument. It’s the reason she ended up in the hospital, she couldn’t take it.”

“Since she recovered, she isn’t willing to talk to me, or even look at me sometimes. I hurt her, and I know. She cries about it sometimes when no one is there to see her, but I see her, I just can’t go to her, I can’t even begin to apologize, she is only going to push me away.”

“And your father?” Belle asked after all he said.

“My father…” Ben trailed and sighed. He alone knew the things he had in mind to do to his father but he couldn’t, at least not now. He didn’t need to be reminded how much both his mothers loved that man. Anything happening to him now was just going to make things worse.

Very soon, it became quiet again. Belle checked and saw that he was asleep. She lifted his head from her lap and made him comfortable with a pillow but when she tried to leave the bed, he held her back. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back to himself, enclosing her in his arms and making the distance between them diminish. Belle put her leg over his, making herself available for him to snuggle.

“Is this what you want?” She asked in a hushed tone but didn’t get an answer. He had fallen back asleep.