Forbidden Desire

Jinhee flinched, and realizing I was taking everything out on her, I just walked away. I went to the library and poured myself a shot of whiskey, which burned down my throat, but what was really burning at the moment was my head. I threw myself into a random armchair in the library and leaned my head back, trying to get my thoughts in order. I was doing everything wrong; I fought with Jane for no reason and yelled at Jinhee even though she was right. After all, I wouldn’t have listened to her if I didn’t have doubts. But how could I not have doubts when Jane lit up every time she was with Jihoon? I would never understand their closeness.

How could I not be jealous when her most genuine smiles always seemed to be for him? Sometimes, passing by the studio, I could hear their laughter, and I couldn’t explain how much that hurt. Knowing he made her laugh while I seemed to have a knack for making her cry. I kept thinking about how many times I’d hurt her without meaning to, and it felt like a movie was playing in my head. Since that girl set foot in this house, I’ve done nothing but make her suffer while she’s only tried to make me happy. She did nothing but love and support me, but everything Jinhee did was still so fresh that I ended up believing Jane would do the same thing, even though deep down, I knew she wasn’t to blame for anything that happened. I couldn’t keep blaming someone who never wronged me.

I don’t know how long I sat there thinking, nor how many shots of whiskey I drank. I only knew that when I went to the bedroom, Jane was already lying in bed, reading a book I knew was for college. I went to the closet silently to not disturb her, grabbed some clothes, and took a shower. I stayed under the hot water for so long, hoping it would wash away my problems, that my fingers started to wrinkle. I got out, dried off, and put on my blue-striped pajamas.

When I returned to the bedroom, the lights were already off, and it was so dark I had to use my phone to guide me to the bed. I lay down and sighed heavily, feeling my body relax against the soft mattress. Silence filled the room, and nothing was harder than being in the same bed as the woman I love, knowing I couldn’t touch her. I knew she was awake because her breathing was heavy when she slept.

“You’re right about everything you said, but I know just apologizing won’t fix anything this time, so I’ll do as you said.”

I sighed, and the silence reigned.

“The best apology is a change in behavior, and I’ll show you I can change. I need to trust you, and I’m sorry if that’s sometimes so hard. Everything I’ve been through is still so fresh.”

“I know.”

I was surprised when her voice broke the silence, and I sighed in relief that she wasn’t completely ignoring me.

“But I know you’re different. To prove it, I won’t interfere with your work with Jihoon anymore. You can keep working with him here or wherever you want, and I won’t say anything.”

Silence filled the room before she sighed and turned to hug me. I inhaled her perfume and smiled because I didn’t know anyone who wore the same sweet scent, making her unique to me. I would recognize that smell anywhere, and I loved it. Although she was hugging me, she hadn’t placed her leg over mine, so I knew she was still hurt despite not being angry anymore. So, I didn’t try anything, just kissed the top of her head, hugging her so we could sleep, hoping that by morning, everything would be better, and I could love her as soon as I woke up.

I eventually fell asleep, and when I woke up, the room was completely dark due to the closed blinds, but when I reached for Jane, she was no longer in bed. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost ten in the morning. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up fully. I had overslept, which was no surprise after all the whiskey I’d had. I showered and dressed, knowing I was already late and should have been at the office by now. I went downstairs and found Jinhee having breakfast in the dining room while Mrs. Amelia served her.

“Where’s Jane?”

“Good morning to you too!”Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.

I rolled my eyes without realizing it and sat at the table to eat.

“She had breakfast early and locked herself in the studio. She’s in the middle of exams and has some projects to submit, so she asked not to be disturbed.”

The older woman was serious, and I couldn’t blame her. With everything that’s happened, she must hate me.

“Thank you, Mrs. Amelia.”

She served my coffee, and I ate in silence, mentally thankful that Jinhee was engrossed in the newspaper. But as always, good things don’t last long, and she soon tried to make conversation.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head, and she bit her lip, looking anxious.

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, but please don’t yell at me again!”

I sighed, trying to calm down, and ran a hand over my face in frustration.

“Okay, I just lost control, but it won’t happen again. Just don’t get between me and Jane.”

She nodded and returned to her newspaper. I finished eating quickly and even tried to go to the studio to tell Jane I was leaving. But seeing the door locked and hearing what sounded like Italian music playing, I knew she was painting and decided not to disturb her. I went to the office, and the following week was so busy that I always arrived home late. Sometimes Jane was already asleep, or she was studying late for her exams.

Jinhee tried to get close in every way, but I easily pushed her away. Despite the heavy workload, this week was good for reflecting on everything happening and clearing my head. Even though I slept with Jane every night, we were so exhausted we ended up doing nothing. I decided that once the weekend arrived, I would do something special for us since her exams would be over, and I would have finished some company projects. On Thursday morning, I woke up, and for the first time that week, Jane was still asleep. We were spooning, and I took the opportunity to wake her by kissing her back. She snuggled into me, and I saw her smile.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, love!”

She turned to kiss me, and put one of her legs over me. I deepened our kiss, and she seemed as eager for me as I was for her, as we were devouring each other. I was ready to roll around with her in the sheets when the alarm clock went off, making me want to smash it, reminding me I had an important meeting with the Thai partners that morning.

“I have a meeting and can’t be late.”

She giggled shyly, and I gave her another kiss.

“I promise I’ll make up for this busy week over the weekend. I know I’ve been working a lot.”

She laughed and agreed, giving me a light, playful bite on my lip.

“It’s hard to get out of this bed.”

“It’s okay! Tomorrow, my exams end, and I submit the semester’s most important project. So, we’ll make up for lost time over the weekend.”

“Then on Saturday, we’ll go to Jeju Island for the weekend, just the two of us!”

She seemed excited and agreed.

“I don’t even know where that is, but I love the idea.”

“Me too, especially because I plan to lock us in a room and not leave until we’ve caught up!”

I wished I had at least ten minutes to lose myself with her, but I didn’t have time even for breakfast. I got up, took a quick shower, dressed, and ran downstairs. I was grabbing the keys from the table in the living room when I felt someone approach from behind and put their hands over my eyes. From the perfume, I knew it wasn’t Jane.

“What do you want, Jinhee?”

She seemed surprised and stepped back, putting her hands on her hips.

“How did you know it wasn’t Jane?”

“Because she has an unmistakable perfume. Just tell me what you want; I’m in a hurry.”

I said, heading towards the door.

“Aren’t you going to have breakfast?”

I shook my head, and she pouted.

“I have a meeting this morning and can’t be late. So, just tell me what you want.”

“You know what?” Whenever she started a sentence like that, she was about to ask for something. “I was thinking of starting to buy things for the baby and some looser dresses for myself since my clothes are getting tight.”

I looked her up and down and laughed.

“But you haven’t gained a gram; a breeze would blow you away.”

“Jason!”

She whined, and I ended up laughing.

“Okay, here!”

I took one of my cards from my wallet and handed it to her.

“Buy whatever you want for you and the baby, but I don’t want you going out alone. Your pregnancy is risky, so find a time when Jane doesn’t need the driver.”

She nodded, smiling, clapping her hands, and jumping like a child who’d been given candy.

“Now I’m off.”

She seemed to think for a moment, and before I could leave, I heard her voice.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your son?”

She placed a hand on her still-invisible belly, and I laughed.

“Goodbye, baby!”

I left and headed straight to the office. After a meeting that lasted all morning and part of the afternoon, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. I had completed a major project and could now rest a bit, having been working so hard. I was in my office, reading branch reports that had come by email, when my secretary called, saying my wife was here and wanted to see me

. I broke into a big smile, telling her to let Jane in. I was happy because Jane had never done that before. But when I saw Jinhee entering my office, my smile vanished.

“What are you doing here?”

“Is that how you greet the mother of your child?”