Forbidden Desire

Jinhee walked in, holding a small bag.

‘It’s just that when my secretary said my wife was here, I thought it was Jane. Why did you say it was my wife?’

‘Force of habit.’

She came closer and sat on my desk, making me move back a bit. For a second, I stared at the woman sitting on my desk, noticing she was wearing a very short skirt with a tight blouse, and I frowned disapprovingly.

‘That’s not the kind of clothing a pregnant woman should wear.’

‘Yeah, I’ll buy more modest clothes.’

‘From the bag, I thought you had already been to the mall.’

‘I did, but when I saw this here.’

She opened the bag and pulled out a pair of red crocheted booties, handing them to me. It was impossible not to break into an instant smile at the sight of those tiny shoes.

‘I realized I wanted you with me when I bought things for the baby.’

She placed her hand over mine, which still held the booties.

‘I don’t want to do this alone. I want you with me to choose every little outfit, every little shoe for our child.’

She had such a sincere smile and such an intense sparkle in her eyes that for a few seconds, I seemed to forget everything that had happened. She smiled when she saw that I didn’t pull back and took one of my hands, placing it on her belly. Before I knew it, I was caressing it.

‘Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?’

I shrugged, with a silly smile on my face.

‘It doesn’t matter to me, as long as it’s healthy.’

She smiled and began to stroke my hand that was on her belly.

‘I’ve always wanted a beautiful little girl to do all sorts of hairstyles, to dress up.’

‘It’s a baby, not a doll, Jen.’

She opened an even bigger smile, and I looked at her confused.

‘What’s up?’

‘It’s just that it’s been a long time since you called me Jen.’

I shrugged and continued trying to feel any difference in her belly that would signal the baby, but since she had always been very slender, I couldn’t see it yet. With Jane, I could already feel a slightly more prominent belly when I caressed her, and I loved feeling my son. I was lost in my thoughts when her voice filled the room again.

‘Your secretary told me you’ve finished work and haven’t even had lunch yet, so how about we go eat tacos at the mall and then we can buy some clothes for the baby?’

I realized how close we were and backed away, scratching my head.

‘I don’t know. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. And since when do you like tacos?’

She surprised me by coming to me and sitting on my lap.

‘Since you put a baby in my belly… I don’t know why, but I’m craving tacos. You don’t want our child to be born with a taco face, do you?’

She joked, and I ended up laughing because she always hated tacos despite it being my favorite food.

‘Alright, you win, but first let me call Jane to see if she can come.’

I got up, lifting her off my lap, and grabbed the phone to call Jane.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

‘You can try, but when I left home, she was locked in her studio with Jihoon.’

‘Jinhee.’

I said in a warning tone, and she shrugged.

‘What? I’m not saying it to be mean… It’s just that she’s been so busy… When I asked if I could go out with the driver, she said yes because “Ji,” as she calls him, was going to take her to college when they finished that weird painting they’re doing together.’

I hated hearing that she was with Jihoon, but I didn’t want to get caught up in Jinhee’s provocations, so I decided to call anyway. Her phone just rang, and when I called home, Mrs. Amelia said she was still in the studio with Jihoon. She asked if I wanted her to call her, but I just hung up slightly irritated.

‘Let’s go already.’

I was starving, and we soon left for the mall. The first place we stopped was the Mexican restaurant, and Jinhee ate almost as many tacos as I did. She ended up getting her face all messy while eating, and I ended up laughing at her. When we finished eating, we went to a baby clothes store, and I was amazed at all the cute outfits. Jinhee caught my attention, showing me a white onesie.

‘We have to take this.’

When I looked, it said “My dad is a cat,” and I ended up laughing. The saleswoman who was attending to us laughed.

‘I agree.’

Jinhee gave her a stern look instantly, and it was the first time I saw her jealous.

‘You don’t have to agree with anything; you have to do your job and not flirt with the customers.’

The saleswoman fell silent immediately, and I found it funny. Jinhee was direct and knew how to defend herself, quite different from Jane, who in a situation like this would probably have kept it to herself or gotten upset. Just thinking about Jane made me wonder if I should get something for our baby… I remembered she said she thought it was a boy and found myself looking at a blue onesie.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I’m thinking of getting some things for my son with Jane.’

‘Why?’

She said sharply, and I looked at her seriously, then she corrected herself.

‘It’s just that I think she’d prefer to come personally to buy them with you.’

I shrugged and agreed. Indeed, this was a magical moment, and if I was loving doing this with Jinhee, it would be even better with Jane. After buying half the store for babies, we went to Minju’s store, who was Jinhee’s stylist, and she tried on several more appropriate dresses and outfits for a pregnant woman. Jinhee was parading around all proud, and I laughed watching her trying to puff out her belly to see how it would look when it grew. I couldn’t deny that I had fun with Jinhee, and I think today was the first time we really had fun together. She had always been so dry and seemed to always be in a bad mood, but now she was affectionate and laughed at everything. When she finally got tired of shopping, we went home, and I was surprised to see my mother in the living room waiting for us. I thanked God that Jane hadn’t come back from college yet, but my relief vanished when my mother decided to stay and see all the baby clothes we bought. She and Jinhee seemed so excited, talking about names for the baby; honestly, it was good to see how much Jinhee seemed to be enjoying the idea of being a mother. We ended up laughing at some of the names my mother suggested, and I only stopped laughing when I saw that Jane had already arrived and was standing at the door of the living room, watching the whole scene.

‘Love, you’re here!’

I went to her, giving her a kiss, but she didn’t respond.

‘How was the test?’

She didn’t take her eyes off the baby clothes, and when I heard my mother’s voice, I was afraid she she would attack Jane again.

‘Look, Jane, the lovely clothes that Jason and Jinhee bought TOGETHER for the baby.’

She took her eyes off the clothes and stared at me for a few seconds, looking disappointed.

‘Look at this onesie, Jae chose it. Isn’t it cute?’

She seemed completely lost, and I was already hating myself, realizing that I had unintentionally hurt her again. Her eyes filled with tears, and she just nodded, trying to hold back the tears.

‘Yes, it is. Well, I’m going upstairs.’

She said and walked away from me, heading straight for the stairs.

‘Wait, love, aren’t you going to have dinner?’

‘No, I’m too tired and just want to sleep.’

I looked at the clock, and it wasn’t even ten o’clock at night.

‘But, love, you have to eat well. I can order pizza from that place you love.’

‘Thank you, but I’ve lost my appetite.’

‘Then I’ll come upstairs with you.’

I tried to follow her, but she shook her head.

‘You don’t need to, your mother is here, she can stay with you and your wife…’

Damn… She was really hurt.

‘Yeah, Jaebeom, besides, I need to discuss some things about the company with you…’