Want to Play A Game

After staying a couple of days with my mother I decided to come home to relax, trying not to worry. I say to myself let him go ahead and try to kick me out of my apartment I will have somewhere to go. Even though the last place I would want to live is with my mother. If I’m being honest with myself, my mother is as crazy as he is. I don’t like to be forced to do anything, I mean, who really does. I am curious to see if my mother is right that he will be the one that comes begging.

I haven’t talked or seen Matt for days, starting to wonder if he decided to cut all ties with me. I go over to his apartment to ask him what his issues are. I know that it is hard for him to show that he really cares and that he hasn’t been in a serious kind of relationship. I don’t want to pressure him, I just want my friend back. As I approached his apartment I began to knock and wait for an answer, but there isn’t one.

As I turn around in disappointment, I wonder why he is not answering. I walk back into my apartment. I then try to call him but once I dial his number, I hear the operator and says, “I’m sorry the number you ‘re trying to call has been disconnected.”

Tears come to my eyes. Why would his phone be disconnected? I don’t understand why I am even upset. He has always said that he wanted nothing serious. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t even care that he even has an issue and he’s not talking to me, but I do. He has brought something out of me that I never thought I had, and I am thankful for it. Am afraid without him around that I will lose that and go back to the old me.

I wish that Matt would have told me he was leaving instead of acting out like a child. Why does he just take off without a trace? It’s not fair? I know I should be upset, but I am. It’s just that I love his company. He makes me feel things that I never knew existed. It’s Not about love or friendship, it’s about the person he makes me feel when he is around me.

I know that it makes no sense, it confuses me as well. The feeling is really indescribable, it’s almost like I’m invincible when I’m with him. I believe that I can do anything. He gives me a confidence about myself that no one has ever made me feel.

I jump when I hear a knock at the door. I get excited, hoping it’s Matt that just came to his senses and has come back. But my smile begins to fade when I open the door and my worst fear comes true when I see my landlord. “Hello Jessica, I am sorry to have to do this, but I have no other choice the owner of the building is making me you have 30 days to leave.”

“What, you can’t just evict me for no reason.”

“He has come up with a reason, but I just did not want to tell you.”

“Really and what reason is that?”

“Other tenants on your floor have been complaining about you saying your music is too loud that you’re rude. I know that’s not true, but I have to follow the rules. It is my job. I am so sorry, Jessica.”

“It’s fine Marc, thank you for telling me I will not create issues for you, I will be out as soon as possible have a nice day.”

As I shut the door tears fill my eyes as I put my back against the door and slide down to the floor. I then bring my knees to my chest as tears start to run down my cheeks. I’m so overwhelmed, but I knew this was going to happen. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast. It is what it is. I will overcome this. I know I will somehow. I stumble back to my feet, hoping my mother is right, I have no idea where to start. I’m not that person to hurt others. I know that I should plot revenge, but that’s not me.

I am pissed off at the fact of knowing that this man thinks he has so much control that it’s OK just to destroy other people’s lives wondering what the fuck is wrong with him, I am done with all of this I am so tired of men. Maybe it would be a good thing to stay with my mother. Stay away from men for a while.

I will stay for a little longer but not too long it’s time I need to move on. This place is just starting to piss me off. I know that I can’t live with my mother forever, but at least until I can get my life back on track. I just hope Mr. Zeth leaves me alone.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.