Unwanted Heat

With my arms wrapped around her, I pull her closer against me, kissing her neck as we both try to regain control of our breathing. I can’t fucking believe that just happened. I never thought… okay I hoped… but never actually thought that would happen. Nothing has ever felt so fucking amazing. I’ve never cuddled with a woman; it’s one of the advantages of the club, women there don’t expect this sort of thing. I’d fuck her, make sure she was okay afterwards and then head back out to where Carter would be waiting for me. Even with her cuddling afterward was never expected; we would fuck and then go our separate ways. She never expected anything more.

Yet with Kenzie, I’m the one who instigated the cuddling. It doesn’t feel right to just walk away right now; this… what just happened felt so… different. I don’t even know what to think about it. Maybe it’s because it was with Kenzie or maybe…

“I think I’m going to go take a shower,” Kenzie whispers.

“Me too.”

A few minutes pass before either of us pull apart, but eventually we separate and head to different bathrooms. I feel like I should say something about what just happened, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t regret what just happened-I don’t want Kenzie to think otherwise. I’m just not sure if it should happen again. Even if I didn’t think it would complicate things between us, how can we do that again, knowing it can’t lead any further? At some point things would intensify between us, and we would need to take things to the next level. How can I be certain that I won’t hurt her again? It would kill me to cause a reaction like the one she had the other night again. Especially now that I know her triggers. How would she ever be able to trust me again?

How would it not complicate our arrangement?

FUCK!

When the water runs cold, I realize I’ve been in the shower too long and quickly wash up before turning off the water. I get dressed in the bathroom and head back out to the main area. I don’t immediately find Kenzie, which surprises me, but a few minutes later I find her outside just sort of staring out at the ocean. I wonder what she’s thinking about. Is she regretting what just happened? Or asking me to share the bed last night?

Should I insist on sleeping on the couch tonight?

“Oh, there you are,” Kenzie turns around and sees me standing behind her. “Did you know they give boat tours of the island? There’s one that leaves in thirty minutes that I was thinking of going on, did you want to go?”

“Um, sure that sounds nice,” I’m surprised and a little taken back by how she’s acting. It’s as if nothing happened between us; I should be glad that she doesn’t want to dwell on it, but I’m not…

“If you have work to do or wanting to do something else-”

“No, a boat tour of the island sounds nice. I’ll change into swim trunks, and then we can go.”

“Great! I’m going to throw on a bathing suit too, the tour takes off from one of the main beaches, so maybe we can go swimming afterwards.”

“I think they serve lunch on the tour, but if not we can grab something afterwards.”

We both change into swim attire before taking the golf cart that was left for us to the docking area. There are only a handful of people on the tour boat with us, which is nice considering the boat isn’t very large. As we walk around the small boat, I take Kenzie’s hand in mine. I don’t know what it is, but I feel the sudden need to touch her. When I do, she immediately squeezes my hand, almost as if she is thanking me, although for what I don’t know. Maybe she wanted to reach out to me but didn’t feel comfortable after what happened this morning? I don’t want to lose how comfortable we have become with that aspect of our arrangement.

“This is really beautiful,” Kenzie gestures toward the rock beach that we are passing.

We are sitting sort of sideways on a bench seat watching the island as the tour guide explains everything that we are seeing. I’m too busy watching Kenzie to really listen to what he is saying or to take in very much of what we are seeing. This morning was a wakeup call. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when I thought this arrangement could remain strictly platonic between us. This stopped becoming a business transaction a long time ago, but I hadn’t expected this part of the arrangement. Up until the night we went to The Summit, I thought the physical attraction was all on my part. I didn’t think Kenzie would be interested in anything beyond the terms of our arrangement. That night everything changed between us, but when I triggered her flashback, I thought she wouldn’t want me to touch her again. But the opposite happened, things between us intensified, and then this morning happened. “You okay?” Kenzie asks.

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“Don’t over think things,” she leans in and whispers, even though I don’t think anyone is paying much attention to us.

“I’m not,” I lie again.

“Don’t regret what happened, please don’t,” her voice is shaky as she quietly begs me.

“I don’t, Kenzie, I promise you I don’t,” I pull her against me and wrap my arms around her. Her back is against my chest; I watch her close her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to look out at the water.

I don’t know what changed but when we get off the boat things are sort of back to normal between us. We stay on the main beach area, grabbing lunch from one of the restaurants and bringing it back to our chairs, opting to eat on the beach rather than inside. We chat about everything and anything, but neither of us brings up what happened this morning. We don’t necessarily avoid the topic, it just doesn’t come up. I stop trying to analyze what happened and just enjoy spending the day together.

We spend the day out of the villa, swimming and exploring the island. Kenzie spends most of the day in another tiny bikini that Susan seems to have packed for her. This bikini drives me more crazy today than it did yesterday, although I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I know what she feels like beneath the bikini…

“Shit, Kenzie, you’re sunburned!” I gasp as we walk back to the golf cart, and I notice the strap from her top has moved, showing a white line against her red shoulder.

“Really?” she looks at her shoulder.

“Let’s stop and get something to put on that,” I suggest.

“Actually there was stuff in the bathroom already.”

“Okay, let’s get back to the villa and get something on that. I thought you put suntan lotion on earlier?” I swear I saw her spraying stuff on her back when we first got to the beach.

“I did… I guess it wasn’t strong enough.”

We stop at the store and pick up the most powerful suntan lotion they have, several bottles of it, along with a few bottles of lotion that promises to ease the burn of Kenzie’s skin. She laughs at me when I put all the bottles next to the register-I know I bought too much, but I want to make sure we have enough covered for the rest of our trip so this doesn’t happen again.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.