Unforgiven Sins

Cinyla’s  POVThis content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

UGH! I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing right now. He is annoying and that man has been confusing my mind since he entered our house. In addition, my heart was beating faster, as if horses were running at high speed.

I was caught in my heart. “Heart, can you please calm down first? I know you’re just shocked but he doesn’t suit you!” My mind screamed. I just chose to pick up my guitar. It’s Saturday so I don’t have a job because the office is often only open from Monday to Friday.

I sit in my favorite red chair near my working and study area, touched it first, and thought of something to sing. I love music and when I’m not doing anything I play, or I often choose to write songs just for fun. I also didn’t fulfill my dream then, since my father passed away, I chose to just claim my talent.

It’s sad but how do I get started? If on the very day I pursue my plans I have lost my special supporter and inspiration -my father.

I stopped strumming and put in it a bag. I saw a picture of my dad with me nearby in my cabinet. This is the time when I was still in college, we often sing different songs, mostly old and rock, and played together. It’s funny to think of those days, it’s nice to go back to every rhythm that is formed and the lyrics that are sung.

“Well, I’m missing you. I’m sorry I can’t continue my dream, huh? I don’t know how anymore, why-” I couldn’t continue what I was going to say next because I felt a wet liquid coming out of both sides of my eyes. I hugged Dad’s picture and let out a series of sobs.

Daddy…

In my embrace of grief, I was startled to turn the door and open it permanently.

I didn’t even bother to fix my face, because this man didn’t even tell me. “STOP!” I said this angrily and stand up but I still kept adjusting myself.

“Are you crying? Are you okay?” he asked.

I was still swallowed by saliva even though I was having a hard time because I had just cried, but I didn’t want to make it public and I didn’t want him to think I was weak.

“I-It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.”

I was about to be taken out of my room but he took my right hand and hugged me. “Take it out, I’ll listen. I’m here, I’ll sympathize with you.” During those times I almost turned to ice because I stayed in front of him, I did not hug but my shoulder fell completely. I also couldn’t estimate the heavy luggage I was carrying, it overflowed and exploded.

I sobbed one after another, I also cried for him, and the liquid from my nose and eyes wet his clothes.

“S-Sorry…”

But he just tapped me and handed me a handkerchief that I don’t know where it came from but I used it too. What is this man doing? It’s still too late, but I appreciate what he did today. Why do I see him so wrong?

“Come on, it’s not your thing to cry. I’m not in your position to say this but I know you can do it.” He smiled and kept patting my back as if to say that it was okay but it was okay to cry.

I was devastated, I was just carried away by the emotion of the fact that I remembered my dreams for Dad. I know that Mother is still there, but you are still different and she is still the reason and will suddenly disappear.

“T-Thank you,” I said sparingly.

“Nothing, I know you’re annoyed because I suddenly came in. I’m just worried, go ahead and rest. Next time we’ll bond, wait, you’re playing the guitar?” His smiling response made me look at my guitar, of course, I won’t be in. This cobra wants to get close to me. I just took away what I was thinking about him.

I just replied, “Sure! Yes. BenChua, thank you again huh? I’ll return it after I laundry it. I’m sorry to bother you.” I explained.

“Nothing. Don’t do that to you, it’s like you remember me when you cry.” It winked as if teasing and was about to pay attention.

“Oh wait, it’s just a joke. I’m just making you smile, Cinyla. I’ll go to my room; rest then don’t forget my request that we jam next time.” He smiled broadly and left my room. The door closed while I was sitting on my bed. I was touched by my heart; I could hear the speed of its beat again.

“Cinyla?” Its call to action caused me to stand up and look out the door.

“W-why?” I stammered in response.

“Can I borrow your guitar for a while? You know, my room is boring,” he said.

I didn’t think any thoughts, instead, I was pick up my guitar and handed it to him. His beautiful smile faded, causing me to be swallowed up in no time. He took the guitar from me and by accident, he grabbed my hand. “Thank you!”

But he did not pay attention to it but he just chose to leave.

I was left speechless and let him walk into his room. “I’ll just come back later!” He shouted.

But I remained a statue at the door until a few seconds later I also woke up. I close my eyes because of the intense scene because I feel like I’m standing there. I slapped both of my cheeks to back in reality. “Cinyla, that’s enough! Wake up!” I shouted to myself.

Then I woke up, and I saw on my bed a handkerchief he had given me last night. I stared at it. I smelled it and the scent, like expensive perfume or fabric conditioner that was used. I opened it and I didn’t expect what I saw.

Mr. Montevilla?  wait, this is my father’s surname.