Through You: Chapter 18
CLAUDIA
The days pass, and I can’t wait for Grandpa to come home. I’m ecstatic he’ll be staying at the house. I’ll be able to look after him, and he’ll get to spend time with his grandsons. Even though he doesn’t say it, I know he misses them terribly.
The afternoon sun streams through the kitchen window, giving the table and utensils an orange hue. I take a peek outside to the patio where Apolo’s dogs are playing.
I haven’t seen Artemis. He must be leaving early in the morning and coming home late, doing a very good job avoiding me. After what happened with Apolo, I think we all need some distance.
I run my hand across the table. I can’t deny that I sometimes replay what happened in this room that night with Artemis. I remember very clearly how his eyes were locked with mine, and the sensation of his breathing on my lips. How good I felt when
I kissed him, and the tingling feeling of his light scruff rubbing against my skin. And his deft hands running all over my body . . .
Why did you have to fuck it all up, Artemis?
What hurts me most is that he cheated on his girlfriend—which is so unlike him. Given what happened with his mother, I never thought he would be capable of being unfaithful. He disappointed me, profoundly.
Me having a girlfriend is what’s keeping you from being mine?
I no longer have a girlfriend, Claudia.
Liar.
Someone clears their throat behind me, and Apolo appears in the doorway and leans his shoulder against the frame. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a red jacket that matches his sneakers. His chestnut-brown hair looks messy, like someone gave it a tousle on purpose.
“Hi,” he whispers.
“Hi,” I greet him, leaning my lower back against the edge of the table.
He peels himself away from the doorframe and stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
“Sooner or later we have to talk about what happened, Claudia.”
“Apolo . . .”
He takes one step into the kitchen. “Claudia, I—”
I raise my hand. “No, stop.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.
Apolo frowns. “You’re not going to let me speak?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I know what you’re going to tell me, and I don’t want you to say it. Because once you put it out there, there’s no going back. And I’d rather not go through that.”
His shoulders slump in defeat. “Then what do you want?”
“I want the old Apolo, the sweet boy who’s like a brother to me.” His face twists in confusion. “You’re one of the most important people in my life. I don’t want us to ruin that. Please.”
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?”
I know he’s talking about Artemis.
I wet my lips uneasily. “No.”
“Don’t lie to me.” He takes a few long steps over to me, grabs me by the waist with one hand and holds my face with the other.
“I’m not your brother, Claudia.”
The proximity grants me a clearer view of his bright, brown eyes and his plump lips. As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, he reminds me of Artemis when he was this age.
I clear my throat. “I know. But . . .”
He envelops me in a hug, and I’m wrapped in a familiar scent.
“But it’s all good. I respect your decision.” He kisses the side of my head. “I won’t impose myself on you or pressure you. I’m not that type of guy.”
I know. When he pulls away, he looks straight into my eyes.
“I will always be here for you.” He kisses my forehead and takes a step back.
I give him a genuine smile. “And I’m here for you.”
He walks backward, never breaking eye contact until he finally turns around and leaves. And though he doesn’t seem fine, I am sure he’ll be all right. I know him too well, and have an idea what he believes he feels for me. I think he’s confusing the affection he developed for me over the years with something deeper. His mother didn’t spend time caring for him, and I’m the first positive female role model in his life. He’s confusing romantic love with the sense of security and well-being he feels when he’s with me. But they’re not the same. I shouldn’t have let the situation in the laundry room get out of hand. I got carried away by the attraction and comfort between us. But what’s done is done. And the best I can do to remedy this situation is to let him find someone who can show him what true love is.
Good luck, Apolo.
Back in my room, my mother is sitting by the window, holding a cup of tea with both hands. Her hair is peppered with white strands, combining with the red. I’ve offered to dye it but she doesn’t want to. She says she would like to show off her gray hairs with pride.
“You aren’t going to the university today?” she asks as I lie down on my bed and cover my eyes with my forearm. She remains silent for a moment. “Are you tired, sweetie?”
I feign a smile and attempt to look energized, sitting back up.
“Of course not. I was just being dramatic, Mother.”
She returns the smile. “How did it go with yesterday’s presentation?”
I give her a thumbs-up.
“Wonderful. My daughter is very smart.”
That seems to cheer her up. My heart fills with happiness when I see her smile. It’s true that she’s made a lot of mistakes, and my childhood was at times difficult, but I could never turn my back on her. It’s too easy to get stuck on the faults of others.
When I look at my mother, I don’t think of her failings. Instead, I see a woman who chose the wrong man to have a child with. A man who beat her and abandoned her on the streets with a baby in her arms. A woman who starved on many occasions so that her child could eat and who sold her body for a roof over their heads. Someone who got hooked on drugs because she wanted to escape the reality of having to trade her body every night. I also see the woman who changed her ways when the opportunity of a stable job was presented to her. I see the woman who shook, cried, and endured the aftereffects of withdrawal when she got clean, and had the strength to never have a relapse. The moment she had the chance to fix her life, she gave it her all, and for that she will always have my respect.
Getting your life together when you’ve gotten off track requires way more strength and willpower than keeping it together when it’s been that way from the start. For this reason, I don’t mind being her support now. I lean over and kiss her on the forehead.
“I’m going to get ready for school.”
“Take care of yourself, my daughter. God bless you.”
“Amen, Mom.”
“I hate my life.” Gin has her head down on the table. I take a sip of water from my glass. She straightens in her chair and shoots me a sad face. “I am never falling in love again.”
Things have not gone well for Gin with Victor. They spent a few nights together after our invitation to Artemis’s nightclub, and now he’s acting cold and distant with her. And when they talked a few days ago, he told her he’s not looking for anything serious. My friend pouts.
“Be honest with me. Did I give it away too easy? Open my legs too soon?”
“Gin.”
“I knew it. I should have played hard to get.”
“Gin.” I’m serious. “Why do you do this? Why do you always find a way to blame yourself? This guy’s a fucking jerk. You’re incredible and he’s missing out. Period. End of story.”
“It’s just that I thought I had found a real one.”
“That’s exactly what you said about the last guy.”
“I know, I know,” she says. “But, Clau.” She lowers her voice until it becomes a whisper. “He’s a god in bed.”
I roll my eyes.
“It’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my miserable life.” She groans.
“And that automatically turns him into the love of your life?”
“Of course!”
“Love is more than sex, you dummy.”
“Oh sure, the love expert, Miss Claudia, has spoken.
Meanwhile, you’re the female version of him—screw them and dump them.”
“I’m honest with them. Anyway, I’ve never received any complaints.”
She quirks a brow. “And Daniel?”
“He’s the exception.” I can’t believe Daniel keeps calling me.
“I want to be like you. But I can’t have sex without becoming emotionally involved. I always fall in love, Clau.”
I give her a shrug. “Nope. You don’t fall in love, Gin. You don’t spend enough time with those boys to figure out if it’s love or just physical attraction.”
“It could be love at first sight.”
“In your case, it’s more like screwed at first sight.”
“Very funny.” She sighs. “In any case, I may just agree to casual sex with him, on occasion.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Clau, he’s the best I’ve ever been with. Seriously. He makes this gyrating movement with his hips. . . Wow! Gets me right in my G-spot!”
“Too much information.” I grimace.
Gin suddenly looks over my shoulder, surprised. “Speak of the devil.”
I turn to see who she’s referring to, and spot Daniel heading our way. “Oh no.”
“I’m dying of curiosity, Clau. What in the world did you do to that boy to get him this hooked?”
Memories flood back of Daniel and me in a hotel room, our bodies in different positions, covered in sweat. Maybe the better question is what didn’t we do?
“I have to go,” I say.
“Clau, no.”
I get up and run like my life depends on it, leaving Gin by herself in the university cafeteria. I hear Daniel call my name but I rush down the hallways I know like the back of my hand. What is he doing here? He isn’t enrolled here. My god, this boy is way too intense.
I yawn and cover my mouth with one hand as I board the bus that will take me home. It was a long day. I look out the window and watch the stores and trees pass by. My restless mind wanders and recalls the jerk in the immaculate suit I haven’t seen in days.
I close my eyes and imagine Artemis’s face close to mine. I need to stop thinking about him; it’s not worth my time. As I doze against the window, his passionate kisses and sweet words invade my dreams. But that’s all they are, dreams. Because whatever was between me and Artemis ended before it really began.