Through the Screen

Chapter 95

no one is oblivious to the tension between the couple at the dining table, eating the dinner silently and

not making much conversation because this time, the ice is just too thick to break. noah keeps his eyes

fixed to his plate, half playing with the food and half eating it, his mind focused on the brunet boy sitting

across from him who has barely touched his food.

abel 's eyes are moving anxiously from one thing to another, checking the time on the clock to watching

noah and observing the way adrian is separating the greens from his plate, back to noah again. he has

no idea what to make of what happened in the kitchen.

he knew that noah wouldn't just leave him having a panic attack on the floor, but his harsh words and

his ignorant behaviour says otherwise. he isn't really bothered about what noah thinks of him, he's

bothered about what noah thinks of himself. as he sits here now, he seems to string pieces together,

picking up small beads of conversations that were somewhere present in his subconscious mind, and

threading them all into one place, which enables him to see how noah is taking this upon himself.

he probably questions everything they have been through, everything he has done for abel, only to

come to this—his husband inconsiderately cheating on him with a person who made him insecure

beyond repair. and even though abel knows how noah feels, he has no idea how to tell noah that it has,

and it always will, be him who he loves more than breathing.

chris wasn't as sweet as noah, he didn't unnecessarily tip waiters because he thought they were having

a bad day and he didn't pick out flowers for abel, and he didn't give him that hopeful little smile that

makes everything better. he doesn't have eyes which make you want to question your sense of colour,

he doesn't have skin that so effortlessly resembles beautiful winter landscapes. he doesn't laugh like

noah does, he doesn't touch him like noah does and he will never love him like noah does.

there is just no comparison between them.

and yet abel gave away what was solely noah's to chris, just because he couldn't trust the person he

loved the most. he blames himself entirely for whatever happened, but he also blames chris. if it wasn't

for him, everything would be okay right now, noah wouldn't be sitting across from him and avoid looking

at him, and the atmosphere of the apartment would be lively and colourful and happy.

"so, how long are you planning to stay here?" noah breaks the uncomfortable silence as he looks over

to his mother, the older woman finishing chewing her food before answering.

"i was going to leave tomorrow morning, but adrian has asked me to stay longer so—"

"you can stay till new years!" adrian pipes in excitedly. he doesn't want one of his fathers to leave

again, and the only way to keep them together in the house is if his grandmother stays here as well.

noah's eyes widen slightly, and abel watches his reaction, feeling his chest tighten at the expression on

noah's face. maybe he really doesn't want abel here, maybe he should just make an excuse and go

back to the hotel.

"n-new years?"

"do you have a problem?" kathryn raises her eyebrows and noah just shakes his head, focusing his

attention back to his plate.

"no of course not, that would be nice, i've missed you," noah manages to smile at her and the older

woman smiles back, discreetly nudging adrian in the ribs. adrian only stuffs his mouth with chicken to

hide his smile.

"i-i have to leave tomorrow," abel blurts all of a sudden, feeling himself shrink as all the attention at the

table is directed towards him. "i have a flight tomorrow night, so i won't be here for the week," he lies,

not looking at noah because he know he will break if he sees relief pool in his eyes.

"what?" surprisingly, the question has left noah's mouth, and abel looks at him with a confused

expression. he thought noah didn't want him here?

"i'm sorry honey, you can't leave here by the time i am in this house, i haven't seen you all in so long! i

am not letting you leave," kathryn closes her eyes and shakes her head in disapproval.

"but i—"

"nope you are not, i don't care what work you have, you're not leaving, okay?" kathryn demands

affirmation and abel just bites his lip, slumping back against his chair before wrapping his fingers tighter

around his fork.

"okay," he sighs at his failed attempt of leaving, moving more of his food around the plate distractedly.

he doesn't want to leave this apartment, doesn't want to leave his family, but more than that, he doesn't

want to make noah feel uncomfortable. he can feel the air drenching in utter discomfort between them,

so blue with sadness that he can barely see noah through it.

he doesn't want things to end, of course he doesn't, but he also wants to give noah some time to heal

from this, to have to some time for himself and figure out if he is actually willing to accept abel back into

his life and go back to the way they were before. he has already been terribly selfish, he doesn't want

to torture noah more, he doesn't want to break his heart further, he doesn't want to watch noah hurting

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