The Soldier Next Door

It is with great disbelief and a rather dropped jaw that I am looking as Ana as that word comes from those lips. Now I do know that I can be rather absent-minded at the best of times; if it is not about the Marines, well, then I am not fairly interested. But I will for certain remember if I had a mother-in-law somewhere in existence.

So not trying to sound too hysterical, I shove another pancake down my throat before saying as calmly as possible, “Boo, your parents are dead, or did I miss something?”

“Well…”

Ya, and that is where I am about to hear a story.

“They might perhaps still be alive.”

Still trying to remain calm, I take a deep breath and slowly, in the back of my head, count down to ten, “Is it perhaps, or is it for real?”

“It is for real. My father has passed away, but my mom is still alive.”

And that is me choking on the last of the pancake that I was still calmly chewing on. I nearly topple over as there is a slight, maybe rather loud, pitch in my voice, “Your mother is fucking alive?”

“Yes, soldier. Please…”

“Please fuck all. How are you going to lie yourself out of this one? Did you not think it was perhaps a good idea to have told your husband?”

“I did not want you to react this way.”

“Well, guess what, Ana? I am reacting this way, and I am going to react even more if your damn excuse is not a good one.”

Hurt does not even begin to describe how I feel.

I am so fucking angry!

All I want is to love her- but how can I? I cannot trust her.

All I want is to trust her – but how can I? I have been betrayed one too many times by her.

All I want is to believe in her – but her actions speak louder than her words.

All I want is to be happy with her – but I cannot if our whole relationship is built on lies.

I cannot believe that she has lied to me again! How can I have missed this one? I could not have; it is not like I would guess that she will pull her parents out of a hat and say, “Oh, look what I have.”

She is nothing but a liar; it comes so naturally to her.

It makes me fucking sick, but yet…

“I am waiting, Ana?”

“Soldier, we have been telling everyone that my parents are dead.”

“Yes, I know that. But tell me why you would do suck a fucked up thing? God, they could have been at our wedding. Do you know how many people felt so bad for you, but now it was only lies? What is wrong with you, Ana?”

“Soldier, I…” she stops for a brief moment while she is twirling her fingers in and out of each other. “I am sorry.”

“Sorry is not getting you out of this one. Why? Why do you lie to me for such a long time, and now you want your mother to pop in as if nothing happened to come to look after our baby.” I stop for a moment to gain the control that is near snapping. “I am sorry, but I cannot, and I will not let a stranger come in my home and look after my child.”

“Ethan!”

“No, Ana, I do not know your mother. Why the fuck did you lie to me, and might I even add and say again. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?”

Does she know what it’s like to feel the pain of betrayal? Yes, she does. She knows the feeling well, as once upon a time it happened to her. If she knows the feeling, why would she want anyone else to feel like that? It is the worst feeling in the world. When you give all your heart to one person, and they take advantage of your kindness -They lie, they cheat, they manipulate you to believe all of what they say.

“How can I believe any word that comes out of your mouth anymore?”

“Ethan, you know how crazy Brendan was; he threatened to kill my parents, even Mark. You know how crazy they are; we were scared that they would.”

“Why would the fucked up Jenkins brothers want to harm your family?”

“Because I tried to get away from them so many times.”

“Well, you were not doing a very good job, if I may say.”

In many ways, I am sad for her. Sad that she had to go through all of that. I want to help her, but I realize in the end I cannot help her, nor can anyone else. She needs to help herself and want to help herself and do it for her and no one else.

She has a problem…

Ana is a liar, and she will keep on being one until she starts to stop herself.

“Ana, you have to stop this shit. Now, what am I supposed to do with this? You have a family that has been in ‘hiding,’ and now you want to bring one part of it to come live with us? As I said, it is not going to happen.”

“Ethan, you are not the only one that has a say in this.”

“Oh, yes, I fucking do. And I wish I could tell you if you do not like it, then you can leave, but guess what?”

“No, but I am sure you are going to tell me.”

“I am not letting you fucking go anywhere. You will have that baby here! And you will stay here! I will come to hunt down your mother if you as much as set a foot there.”

“Ethan, you will not tell me what to do.”

“Well, someone needs to be the grown-up here and not lie.”

I don’t know how you did it; I don’t know how if have put up with this for so long. I love Ana, but I don’t trust a single word she says. I don’t know how I believe her- but I do. She has changed the way I look at love & trust.

Now, I’m left to pick up the pieces. I feel numb.

“So, I am assuming that you have been keeping in contact with your mother, which means something else that you have been doing behind my back?”This belongs © NôvelDra/ma.Org.

“Of course, I will…”

“What? Lie to me?”

“No, talk to my mother. You talk to your mother every day, don’t you?”

“Ana, don’t compare shit like that.”

The lack of respect she has for me is out of this world. When I think about it, I have a sickening feeling in my chest. How could she say these things?

She will never know the degree of hurt she has brought upon me.

She will never feel the deep sense of disappointment I feel and the deep feeling of betrayal.

She may have thought she had done “nothing this time,” but really, she has been doing it all along.

No man or woman has hurt me as she has.

All I have to say now is…

“I don’t know what else to say to you, Ana. Why can you not be happy with the help you are getting from Anna?”

“Because Anna is not family.”

“And your mom is not my family.”

Well, yes, perhaps I should not have said that, for it does sound like I am telling her I want nothing to do with her parents. The thing is, I don’t feel I can trust them; I don’t know them. I cannot let someone come into my house and look after my child while I am away, not knowing one fucking thing that is happening around here every day.

This will not happen.

“I am sorry, Ana, but your mom cannot come. My mom is not either; you need to start owing up, and do I need to say that growing part too. You have enough people on this base that care for you. I do not want your mom in my house.”

“Ethan, you do not have a choice.”

“What do you mean I do not have a choice? I just explained to you that I would not allow your mother into my house. I don’t know who she is.”

Then she goes fairly quiet, and I am not sure if she has a smirk or a nervous smile on her face. She has her phone in her hand still, and she has been clinging to it for a while now.

So not paying much part to her nervousness anymore, I continue to sip on my cup of coffee. But then, all of a sudden, that very phone starts to ring.

She looks up at me and, with a smile on her face, “It is my mother.”

Before I can even object, she has shoved the damn thing in my hand, and I have a voice on the other side…

A voice that I know all too well…