The Soldier Next Door

Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them are things you are scared of. Some of them are things that look like things you used to be scared of. Sometimes monsters are people that you should be scared of, like take me, for instance…

A crazy Marine with a gun.

Fear isn’t so difficult to understand. After all, weren’t we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It’s just a different wolf.

Just a different man.

It’s true; I am afraid. I am afraid of the world moving forward without me, of my absence going unnoticed. Is it selfish? Am I such a bad person for dreaming of a world that ends when I do? I don’t mean the world ending with respect to me, but every set of eyes closing with mine.

It is as if the world needs to stop and take stock with me of what I have done wrong.

I am afraid. Not of life, or death, or nothingness, but of wasting it as if I had never been.

People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening.

I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, like when you’re swimming, and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think, and there’s nothing there.

Take it from me: If you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging up your back and running its fingers up your spine, the best thing to do-the only thing-is run.

With my legs wobbling, I will soldier on. Shivering and sweating all over, I will keep going. Fear warns me to stop; it alerts me of an unusual event ahead. So, motivated by fear, I am running along; after all, I was created to do the unusual.

One would think that having Ray and Ana by my side that I shall feel less scared of what is going to happen to me, where in fact, I am scared shitless.

My greatest fear is not being able to be a Marine anymore, which that in itself is taking its own toll on me, but my greatest fear is to lose my baby.

Yes, I am still very furious about what Ana has done, but it is not her fault the way that I reacted. I was foolish and just plain…

Fucking stupid.

It is only a matter of time before the news hits Matty, and then I would have to face a different kind of monster…disappointment.

So, with Ray still trying his level best to get me out for tonight until I appear in court tomorrow morning, I am left with Ana, that has something to say rather urgently. Without making a big fuss about it all, I lean in closer.

The hint of her perfume knocks my senses away, and it brings an agonizing pain that burns in the pit of my heart. How can I lose this…how can I lose the woman that I love. It is not fair on me to blame her for not telling me about Brendan, though it would have been great if she did before I find out the way I did.

But all of this aside, “What is wrong boo?”

“Soldier, now please don’t get mad…”

And god, that is me. “Ana, this is the last place where you need to piss me off right now.”

She remains quiet for several moments as she glances over her shoulder at the one Police Officer that is standing with Ray. Then she continues, “I went to speak to Brendan.”

Ya, that is me.

The tone of my voice hitches three tones louder, and every single soul present snaps their heads at me, “You did what!”

“Please, soldier.”

“Please, my ass, Ana. Please tell me you have a fucking good reason to have gone to him. Unless you put a gun against the asshole’s head, then I want nothing to hear about it.”

With that, I hear Ray clear his voice rather loudly as my voice, and every fucking word I say echoes through the station.

Ya, that just helped my case.

Yet, “Why did you go there?”

“I wanted to come forward and say that it all was an accident.”

“Ana once is an accident, but twice…that is sort of on purpose.”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

She lowers her voice but a fraction as she looks into Ray’s direction, then for whatever reason, but the goddamn woman seems rather confident of herself as she speaks again, “Ray said if Brendan can say that it is an accident, and you just keep to the same story, then they might get you off.”

I only burst out at her in a fit of laughter, once again gaining too much attention to myself, then as calmly without pissing my fucking pants, I speak to her, “Next, you are going to tell me that he is going to say that I shot him out of self-defense.”

“Well,” she bloody nods her head in agreement, much to my sheer shock, “Ray said…”

I stop her immediately, “When did Ray say all these things if the man was sitting here with me?”

“He was messaging…”

“Ya, and there I thought it was his wife. So please tell me, what the fuck else are you now hiding from me?”

“Well, I went to speak to Brendan to try to get you off on it just being self-defense, but he is reluctant because then it means that he had pulled his gun on you too.”

“Ana, really?” I only but shake my head at her in complete frustration. The woman is so goddamn clever, but sometimes she acts so damn dumb. So as politely as I possibly can at this present moment and realizing that I am being a dick, I pull her closer to whisper in her ear. “Do you think I would have shot an unarmed man?”

She looks at me in complete shock, and then there is light a eureka moments that go off in that tiny little head, “Do you mean he had his gun on you as well?”

“Like I said, boo. I would not shoot a man just because I felt like it. He fucking pissed me off, and then he pulled his gun on me. That shit does not sit with me.”

“But,” she dares to even start. “What did he say to piss you off so badly?”

“He called you bitch, so I fucking shot him.”

Once again, from the side, I hear Ray clear his throat rather loudly as the Police Officer has eyes that are only growing wilder.

Well, if I do not keep my damn mouth shut now, then they might hear a full confession. Yes, of course, I did what they are telling me I did, but there is no fuck that I am admitting it.

So lowering my voice to a whisper again, Ana takes my hands gently into hers again, and then she continues to tell me of the plan that she and Ray are trying to set up. “So, I have been to seen Brendan, and like I said that he is reluctant to say that it was self-defense.”

“So I am guessing that the man wants something?”

“Well, yes, he does.”

That restraint that I only but had a few seconds ago snaps again, and I raise my voice to an echo higher in the room. With that, the Police Officer comes walking over to where Ana and I are sitting, “Hunter, do you want me to take your right away to see your wife?”

“No, Sir.” I only but swallow deep in my throat, and with a somewhat stutter, I make eye contact with him again, “She was only telling me about the baby.”

The Police Officer only but shakes his head at me full knowing that I am fucking lying through my teeth.

But once he is away again, I turn to her and wait for the great idea that she has come up with, well, rather the unreasonable request that Brendan is going to come up with. So as I patiently wait for her to say what this thing is that is going to piss me off again, I have Ray walking over to me.

With only but one bug smirk on his face, I cock my head and look at him rather confused, “What is that damn smile for?”

“You can go home tonight,” I watch as he sighs in relief, “But you are going to have an Officer at your door.”

“That is fantastic. What else?”

“Well,” he drops his head and looks at his scuffling feet, trying to avoid my eyes, “You are appearing in court tomorrow where you will be charged with attempted murder.” Then he pauses for a brief moment again. “That is unless,” Then he turns to Ana, “Unless Ana has come up with a plan with Brendan.”

Then next, Ana steps closer with the very words for Brendan’s request on the tip of her tongue.