The Soldier Next Door

…Ana POV…

Things have not gone back to normal like I hoped they would after our fight over a damn white envelope. Ethan has been sleeping in the guest room, and we are hardly in the same room together for five minutes. He has been spending a lot of time in the nursery, and then on an odd day, he will be out with Gibbs or checking up on Matty.

He tries his very best to avoid me and any questions regarding the outfall. I know he said that we would talk about it, but he has not attempted to try. I guess I will just have to give him the space that he needs. Ethan can be a stubborn man, so I am looking at this being a fight that will still be out in the air for some time.

Ethan is taking me to the Doctor today. We are going for my check-up. The time is creeping around the corner now; I only have fifteen weeks to go.

Ethan has stopped rubbing my belly; I used to love it so much. To think a stupid envelope has not broken us up as a couple, but that he has stopped doing the things that he loved the most, of being an expecting dad.

So it is with great difficulty that I am finding something to wear. Even though I do not keep much in these days, I have grown rather bigger than what Ethan likes to refer to as a truck. This rules out the option of trying to fit into one of my favorite skinny jeans completely out. With much frustration, I slip on my very favorite dress and meet up with Ethan that is patiently jumping out of his skin.

“Come, we are late.”

And that is the extent of our conversation as we head out the door.

It is what seems like an endless half an hour that we are finally at the hospital, walking down that corridor that feels as if it has become a second home. As we get to Doctor’s room, he is already standing waiting for us.

“Morning Ana, Ethan. Come right through; I am excited to see how the little one is doing.”Copyright by Nôv/elDrama.Org.

I know he is hiding the fact that he is concerned about me, so I only but brush this off as I follow him inside the examination rooms. While Ethan sits patiently in the corner chair, I quickly change into that awful gown that, for the life of me, I still don’t understand how to wear. Ethan then helps me on the bed, and we wait for the Doctor. Ethan does not take my hand; all he does is speak under his breath.

“Everything is fine.”

I know that he is right, but yet there will always be a fear.

I only but give him half a shy smile; I am so scared; in fact, I am near to damn terrified. All I want is to hear that little heartbeat; even if I don’t get to see him today, all I want to hear is that little heartbeat.

So the Doctor comes to sit next to me and take my hand, “Are you ready?”

“Please, Doctor, just tell me that my baby is fine.”

He goes to pull my gown away to show my big baby bump that is growing far bigger than what we all expected it to be. I watch in anticipation as he puts the gell that is freezing to the touch over my tummy and rubs that funny-looking stick thing over the edges and inside of my bump. My body shivers, but it is pure shivers of joy.

Then we wait.

And it seems like we are waiting for almost forever.

But then we see it, and god, is it the most beautiful thing that I have seen in my life. There he is. Our big baby boy. And his little heart is beating at a perfect hum.

Our little baby is fine, he looks very healthy, and he is fine.

The tears that have been overwhelming me start to consume my eyes come rushing like a raging river down my cheeks. Ethan leans forward and gives me a gentle squeeze on the hand

“I told you that you are doing fine. I told you that you both are doing fine.”

With that, the Doctor steps outside the room to give Ethan and me the time alone. The only thing that I can think of is how thankful I am that his heart beats and that he is growing inside me.

So after a very few moments alone, the Doctor returns to print us a little photo, and we soon find ourselves on our way, not having to think of anything else but our beautiful baby now.

The drive back home is quiet, though, but in our hearts, we are happy. I lay with his little picture in my hand and do not for one minute let go. With the sun on my face and the wind in my hair, I am thankful for the few peaceful moments in this chaotic life.

It’s amazing to have a human life developing inside of me; there is just no other way to put it. It’s the most simple and yet complex miracle there is. It’s not easy by any stretch, not physically, mentally, or emotionally, but miracles probably shouldn’t be.

He was never part of any plan, nor did he arrive at some premeditated moment in my life, but I can’t imagine a more perfect way for him to come into it. Not being the most structured person, I probably wouldn’t have ever gotten around to feeling “ready” for him. I can’t think of many things in my life I did feel ready for when they happened. But seeing now that every step along the way brings him closer to me, perfect, unique, extraordinary, makes it all seem right.

He has already given my life a purpose beyond what I could ever have imagined. My day rises and sets with him. I am thankful for him giving me the greatest purpose in my life and being my proudest achievement. I am grateful to him for healing my heart from a lifetime of heartbreaks, for revealing not only my strengths but also teaching me humility, for showing me how to have faith and ask for help when I am not strong. For helping me live my best life and grow into the best version of myself, I can be.

And after what seems like endless hours of silence, Ethan finally speaks, “I think we probably need to talk about that fight.’

I hesitate for but a moment as I do not want him to do something that he does not feel comfortable with. Yet, I continue, “I guess we have.”

So as we finally pull up in the driveway at home, he follows me inside and we take a seat in the lounge. Much to my heartbreak, he takes a seat on the far opposite end, not nearly even being close to me. Then he starts to speak.

“I guess it would be foolish to say that we are sorry for the things that we said when I believe that, in fact, that we have probably meant every word of it.” He pauses for a brief moment while he gathers himself, “I know I said that I hated you, but hate is such a strong word. Though I am not going to sit and pretend that I truly do not like what you can become and what you have done to me.”

With one single blow, he knocks all the air out of my lungs, leaving me breathless. How do I even come back from that? Guess honesty is what he wants? Well, “I guess, let me rather rephrase that you are a man than can be selfish and set in your ways. And, perhaps, I have not taken our love as serious as I should have had.”

“See,” he starts to explain, “That is the difference between you and me, I take this seriously, but I cannot take you seriously if you are not serious about me. We are having a child together. Is that all that it is going to be?”

I only but shake my head at him, “What do you mean?”

“Are we just going to be that couple that has a child together, for I don’t want to marry you just because of the sake of a child? My child is the only thing that matters to me, but I don’t want to be with a woman that hates me. I am not going to be in a forced marriage.”

I look at him for a minute or say, trying to take in where this all is leading up to, I can only see one way that he is going with this. So I only but shake my head at him, knowing that I am probably going to piss him off, “Is this why you have not set a wedding date?”

“Just leave it.”

“Leave what, Ethan?”

“This entire fight, this relationship. There was a time when I thought our love would stand the test of time and nothing could come between us. Unfortunately, there is nothing left to hold on to. It should be clear to both of us by now that we are fighting a losing battle.”

The tears are building but a mere trickle in the corners of my eyes, “How many times have we said we have had enough and never wanted to see each other again, only to kiss and make up, then try again?”

“Yes, because you fucking leave, and then come crawling back into my bed. Well, someone has to be the one to say enough is enough, and I am doing it now or ever again.”

I’ve finally realized something: we’re just not right for each other; we’re just not compatible. I think that the last time I left just proved it. I suppose that we just never were really meant to be together. So I’m done this time. I’ve made up my mind. I am getting off this roller coaster ride once and for all.

“Ana, we still have an opportunity to part quietly and with dignity, and I think we should take it now.”