Aching Space Between
Sarah
“Could everyone please leave Philip and me alone?” I asked, addressing everyone in the Summit Room.
Jakob hesitated, then gave an understanding nod before leaving. They all exited one by one until Trey was the last to leave.
Once Philip and I were alone, a heavy silence filled the room. I wiped away my tears, trying to compose myself. My husband’s eyes narrowed as he looked at me, taking in my reactions.
“What is it that I don’t know, Philip? “What am I missing that’s left me so blindsided by all this?” I pleaded, desperate for answers.
He laughed bitterly, surprising me.
“You’re asking me that, Sarah?” He shook his head. “Now you know how it feels to be kept in the dark, to have secrets kept from you!” His voice rose slightly, his hurt and frustration showing.
Stunned into silence, I opened my mouth a few times, but no words came out. His words hurt, and finding any explanations was a struggle.
Philip’s face twisted with deep pain. “Sarah, I need you to be honest with me, just this once,” he said, “Did you love Josh?”
The question felt like a punch. “What?”
He continued, unable to hold back his emotions any longer. “I’ve tried so hard to hide my jealousy for so long. I’ve kept it inside, even though it tore me apart because I thought I shouldn’t complain!”
His words rushed out, years of feelings pouring out.
“You care for Josh, Sarah. That much is obvious to anyone with eyes. I don’t understand the nature of the bond you two share, but I’m not blind. Just admit it-you loved him! You wouldn’t be so devastated if he meant nothing to you!”
‘What? No!’
I cried even harder. My body trembled at his accusation. It was challenging to explain to Philip what I felt because he would never understand. But I couldn’t deny the truth in Philip’s words-I had hidden things from him, letting this situation worsen until it reached this breaking point.
Philip whispered painfully, each word filled with the anguish of someone who had silently endured for too long.
“Did you honestly believe it was acceptable for me to witness you forming a bond with my bodyguard? Did you think it was okay for me to see Josh kiss you or how torn you seemed without his presence? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how much you cared for him?”
“Philip…” I murmured his name.
He continued, his voice trembling, “I admit it, Sarah. I wanted Josh out of our lives. Your feelings for him aren’t simple, and I’m… I’m consumed by jealousy over the relationship you two share… I know it’s my fault. You wouldn’t feel this way if I had given you the time and attention you needed back then. I don’t have the right to these feelings, but I can’t help it. You love him, Sarah… and it hurts so much.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I covered my mouth as Philip’s words hit me hard. His perception shook me deeply.
Finally, I found my voice. “Do you want the truth? Maybe I was drawn to Josh, or maybe it was because he showed me unconditional love, Philip.” I took a deep breath, steeling myself to continue. “He stayed with your team for months, ensuring I wouldn’t suffer from panic episodes again. He loved me, Philip-even if it was simple. It was a kind of love you didn’t give me back then.”
Witnessing the pain my words caused, I saw it reflected in Philip’s eyes. His fist clenched tightly with tension. He turned and departed from the Summit room without uttering a word, leaving me with tears.
Moments later, Jakob entered and gently rubbed my back as I sobbed uncontrollably.
“Tell me what happened,” Jakob urged softly
Between gasping breaths, I managed to say, “I told him everything.”
The pain of my confession still burned on my cheeks. Slowly and hesitantly, I explained everything to Jakob.
After listening patiently, he asked the inevitable question. “But how do you really feel about Josh, Sarah? Have you thought about why your husband continues to feel jealous of him? I thought your relationship with Josh was purely professional.” He paused, weighing his words. “Even if I were in Philip’s shoes, I wouldn’t appreciate what I saw today.”
“But, Jakob. Philip is the one I love. It’s natural for me to worry about Josh because he has no family. I admit we shared deep conversations, and there was mutual trust. Our relationship wasn’t just professional. It was… special,” I explained.
Jakob’s hand moved in soothing circles on my back as he spoke, his voice gentle but firm.
“That’s why your husband is hurting. Because you didn’t confess to him. You keep insisting that your relationship with Josh is purely professional, but your treatment of him runs much deeper.”
I sniffled, my voice thick with emotion. “I finally admitted it to Philip, but it hurt him more.”
“I’ve observed your relationship with Philip. I believe you haven’t loved or accepted anyone besides him, but from what you told him earlier, he might have gotten a different impression. Like you, Philip is haunted by fears that you might leave him because of past events, and he sees Josh as a formidable rival.”
With gentle fingers, Jakob wiped the tears that had spilled onto my cheeks. His touch was comforting. “Your feelings are valid, but try to understand that Philip has reason to be hurt as well.”
Leaving the room, I searched the office for Philip but couldn’t find him. This was our first argument since our whirlwind wedding in Las Vegas.
Upon returning to Serenity Pines Estate, I spotted Philip with the twins. He was carrying both of them, their tiny bodies cradled in his strong arms. His face wore a smile, but his eyes held a sadness that tugged at my heart. It seemed as though he was channeling all his pain into this tender moment with our children.
Amanda greeted me, noticing my swollen eyes. “Are you okay, dear?”
I couldn’t hold back anymore. Falling into Amanda’s motherly embrace, I let the tears flow freely. “Philip is angry with me…”
Amanda stroked my hair soothingly. “No wonder he didn’t come home happy either. But don’t worry, you’ll patch things up. These things happen in marriages.” She paused, looking over my shoulder. “Oh, there he is, heading inside.”
I followed Amanda’s gaze to see Philip walking towards the villa’s main building; Iris was nestled in his arms, her little head resting on his shoulder, while Pepper trailed behind, carefully holding Rowan.
Amanda took Iris from Philip. “You two talk things out, and we’ll take care of your little ones for now.”
Philip seemed at a loss for words, tension evident in his stance.
“Can we talk?” I asked tentatively.
His expression softened, and he gently pulled me into his arms. I breathed in his familiar scent as he kissed my forehead tenderly.
“I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered.
Holding me close, Philip led me into the bedroom.
He sat me down on the edge of the bed, then knelt before me. His strong arms encircled my waist, his forehead resting against my stomach. I could feel his warm breath through my shirt.
“I’m really sorry…” he murmured, sensing my presence.
I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. “Let’s talk about Josh and then put this behind us. Is that okay?” I suggested softly. “I want to clarify that what I feel for him isn’t romantic. It’s… special, but not in that way.”
Philip’s gaze met mine. I continued, choosing my words carefully.
“During my recovery, Josh was often there. He helped cleanse my damaged soul, in a way. I feel sad about him because I didn’t see Josh simply as a bodyguard, Philip… I saw him as an older brother.”
He nodded. “I understand, and I apologize for what I said earlier. I’m just frustrated seeing him again. I was apprehensive about you because it was the first day you went out and immediately faced a problem. I was terrified something might happen to you. I’m so sorry, my love.”
We shifted positions. Philip sat on the single couch and pulled me onto his lap, cradling me against his chest.
“I love you so much, Sarah,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m terrified at the thought of you leaving me because of my past mistakes. When I saw our children earlier, it reminded me of my promise-to never make you cry and to love you deeply, always.”All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.
“Let’s support each other and have no more secrets, okay?” I suggested, searching his eyes.
He kissed me on the forehead. Silence lingered between us before I remembered his sister.
“By the way, how’s Jane? She hasn’t been answering my calls.”
“She seems okay. She asked about you the other day.”
Little did I know then, but Jane was far from okay. I could never have imagined that one day, my dear friend would betray me in ways I couldn’t yet fathom…