The Remorseful Brothers Novel

ANASTASIA

The lodge keeper appeared at my door, around midday after the plumber left and asked, his face etched with worry, “Are you okay? The plumber said you were crying.”

I had forced out a laugh. “I knew he panicked. I’m fine. It’s just my period. I get so emotional whenever the time comes.”

“Oh,” he mouthed. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Nah. I’m used to it.”

“When you’re better, the plumber will be back to finish his work.”

“Thank you,” I thanked him. As soon as he turned around, my lips turned. downward. My chest hurt a whole lot more as I resumed my crying.

That night, Amie called and asked, her cute brows furrowed in a frown, her face pale, “Are you crying, mommy?”

I shook my head and sniffed, smiling through my tears. “I’m fine, baby. Are you okay? I frowned. She didn’t look or seem as agile as she had since I left her..

“I’m tired. My whole body aches,” she cried, her lips forming a pout as her eyes watered.

“I’m sorry, love.”

“When are you coming back?”

“Soon,” I promised her.

And as the call ended, I picked myself up. I had to stay strong for my daughter. She needed me now more than ever.

.

So that night, after it seemed everyone had gone to bed, I went for dinner. But Rachel was just leaving. She came to an abrupt halt when she saw me, “You look like hell, girl. Are you okay? I was just on my way to your room. I haven’t seen you all day.”

“I’m fine.” I told her curtly and when she wouldn’t take my brief response, I told her the same story I told the lodge keeper and she let me be.

I counted down for the remaining days of the trip, I was like a walking dead. I felt numb. I didn’t care about the look that my colleagues shot me whenever I walked into a room or whenever they thought I wasn’t looking. As much as I felt numb, I could still feel everything around me and I could still hear the whispers. I wished I could just block out everything and everyone. I wished I could just remain in that room and never come out again but Amie was waiting for me.

Crying would not change anything anyway. It would not fix anything. I’ve ruined it all. Five years had passed and it could never be the same again. Never.

So I stopped crying and avoided Aiden to the best of my ability. Though, as long as I intended to keep my job, I was sure I would still face him soon but for now, I could not bear to look at him, even though he does.

not know that I know yet.

Whenever we had no choice but to all be in a room, whther for some activity or an announcement, I did my best to not look his way. But I could always tell that his gaze was on me. Always.

I felt even more guilt for being cold to him after I’ve found out but I just couldn’t do it. Not yet..

Eventually, the trip came to an end, and everyone returned home. I was happy to be back home, happy to see my daughter again. This belongs © NôvelDra/ma.Org.

The same day I arrived, I visited Amie in the hospital, with the gifts that

I got her.

“Mommy!” She yelled and ran up to me, wrapping her small arms around my knee.

I hoisted her in my arms and hugged her, delighted to be back and relieved to see that she seemed agile today.

“How was your trip, mom? Let me see the pictures you took,” she asked and demanded impatiently, wanting to see everything and get a

response to everything all at once.

And I took my time to carefully answer each question one after the other. And she in turn, told me about all her stay at the hospital while I was gone. She described the days as fun, that she met other kids her age, and Dennis and Clara were always dropping by and buying her all sorts of pretty things.

Later, we played a video game that she said Dennis taught her how to and sometimes played with her.

Suddenly, she shocked me when, in the middle of the game, she asked, that stubborn look on her face again. “Why don’t I have a dad?”

The smile on my face died at the sudden question and stark reminder.

“Some kids are special and don’t need dads because they have the best moms,” was what I would always say to her with no iota of regret but today I couldn’t bring myself to say those words

I felt the guilt weigh down on me again. All these years, I had denied my child a father.