Chapter 41
Cuddling with Jessy during bedtime was the only sort of bonding my daughter and I used to have, back at our former pack. I was usually so busy and tired during the day that it wasn’t until night came and we were set to go to bed that I had any sort of contact with my child.
Now things were different. Jessy was able to spend enough time with me during the day, we could do more, and we were now definitely bonding over a lot of other things but it did not change the fact that cuddling at bedtime was still our favorite thing to do.
And at the moment, I reveled in burying my nose in my child’s hair, breathing in her scent and allowing it to calm me down while I held her tight in my arms.
Not having Jessy by my side for the rest of the evening had made me more anxious than I thought I would ever be.
And this time it was a different kind of anxious that I felt. I wasn’t worried that the Alpha or his Beta would try to hurt my child. I was worried that my child was getting too close to them.
No matter how much I enjoyed watching the Alpha share his meals with my daughter, or wrap his arms around her in a hug, or bring her to bed while she was asleep in his large arms, I knew that it wasn’t meant for us.
Jessy was a cute child that was able to charm everyone around her. Even our previous pack that had the strictest and meanest people still had some people who just really liked Jessy and would favor her over other children in certain situations.
So I knew that Jessy had definitely charmed Alpha Greyson, his Beta, and most of the maids that worked in the mansion.
But it would only be a matter of time before she grew up and her baby magic faded, leaving only her reality as a hand maiden here.
I didn’t want that reality to hit too hard for both of us. I didn’t want us to get carried away and lost in all the baby magic, that when it faded, we would be so confused and even more hurt about our reality. I needed us to be prepared for it.
And that meant not getting carried away with all the good things that were currently happening, especially for Jessy.
Sleep had once again deserted me and although my sleeping habits had not always been the best, I felt like it was getting worse and worse now. But this time I refused to move from my spot.Owned by NôvelDrama.Org.
For fear that it would repeat itself over again.
What if I left the room and I met the Alpha somewhere around?
Now the thing wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet him. I wanted to, in fact a large part of myself craved what we had done just the previous night again and again but it just wasn’t that simple and I couldn’t let myself get lost in it.
I began counting from a hundred backwards hoping to wear myself out and eventually fall asleep and I had only gotten to seventy two when I heard it.
It was so soft that if it were not perfectly quiet around the house, I would have completely missed it.
It was a knock and it seemed like it was coming from my door. I paused in my counting to listen for it again but nothing came and for a moment I feared that it might have been my mind.
I was just about to return to my counting when I heard it again. This time a little firmer.
Someone was knocking on my door.
I was just slipping on my bed, making sure that I was careful so I didn’t wake Jessy up, when the door creaked open and even in the darkness of the room I could see the Alpha’s frame walk into the room.
For a moment he looked shocked to see me and that made me surprised. Was he in the wrong room?
“Freya?” He whispered finally, the moment we were facing each other.
I swallowed the lump in my throat but remained quiet, afraid that if I spoke my voice would give out.
The Alpha let out an exhausted sigh and he looked above my head in the direction of the window and although I was tempted to look at what he were so focused on looking at, I didn’t.
I only continued to watch his face, enjoyed the way beautiful features that he had.
“Come spend the night with me?” He finally spoke again after a few seconds.
Everything in me wanted to nod my head and agree to do exactly that, but I couldn’t.
I was scared Emilia or someone else would try to enter into my room again and plant in something. Or that Jessy would wake up alone again and spend the entire day mad at me again.
“I can’t.” I whispered back to the Alpha, thankful that my voice actually worked with me, but my response made him frown.
“Why not?”
“Jessy. I don’t want her waking up all alone.”
His eyes moved towards the bed at the mention of my daughter and I watched as they softened. He seemed to think through some things but eventually his eyes returned to mine and he was nodding his head in response.
With one last look at Jessy’s sleeping frame on the bed and at me, he opened the door and left the room and it felt as though a hole had appeared in my chest.
I went back to bed and held Jessy closely in my arms, shutting my eyes tight and praying to whoever was listening to send me sleep.
But my tingling body and heated thoughts did not allow for me to find any rest.
Sitting up in bed, I let out a frustrated sigh and slipped out, putting my hair into a ponytail to prevent it from entering my eyes and then slipping my feet into my slippers.
I dug around for the keys that Zoe had showed me on my first night here, before picking Jessy in my arms and taking along the sheets that were wrapped around her.
Taking a deep breath, I moved out of the door, locking it firmly behind me and then I walked in the direction of Christie’s room and when I knocked gently on her door, I silently prayed that it was her that responded to the door and not her roommate.
Luck seemed to be on my side because a sleepy Christie opened the door and for a moment guilt tugged at my heart at the fact that I was ruining her sleep.
“Freya? Is everything okay?” She asked sleepily, eyeing Jessy in my arms.
“Umm yes. I-I just can’t sleep and I was thinking of going out to the garden t-to get some fresh air. I’m hoping that would help but I don’t want to leave Jess alone.” I bit my lips hard.
This was a world record of lows that I was currently hitting. Everything in me, including my wolf was judging me but I couldn’t take it back now. The words were out and I just needed to follow through with it.
“Oh sure. Let me have her. I think she should spend the night here, if she keeps moving she might wake up and that is bye bye sleep for the rest of the night.” Christie said with a chuckle.
But the sickening feeling in my stomach did not allow me return her smile. I placed Jessy carefully in her arms, murmuring my thanks to the maid.
“Make yourself some tea Freya. I think it’ll help.” Christie advised and I nodded my head distractingly.
“Okay Goodnight then. See you tomorrow.” Christie said, shutting the door the moment I wished her a Goodnight too.
I took several deep breaths to calm my racing heart and also to gather a semblance of organization before making my way out of the quarters and up the stairs.
I knocked softly on the Alpha’s door and my stomach churned softly in anticipation. What if he had gone to bed or maybe changed his mind?
I pressed my ears against the door, trying to pick out any sounds from within the room and then I raised my hands to knock on the door again with my ears still pressed against the mahogany but before my hands could make contact with the door, it was being pulled open.
I stumbled into the room but warm, strong arms wrapped around my frame saving my face from coming in contact with the floor.
When I was stable on my feet, I caught the amusement dancing in the Alpha’s eyes and I blushed as a result, averting my eyes immediately.
His fingers touched my chin and the warmth of the single movement caused me to shiver in pleasure.
“Why were you pressed against the door?” He asked and I blushed again.
“I was trying to listen for any sounds.” I said softly and he chuckled.
This was the second chuckle I ever heard him produce and I still wasn’t used to the sound at all.
“Did you leave Jessy by herself?” He suddenly asked, his brows furrowed.
“No, I left her with Christie.”
I watched as different emotions flashed through his eyes at my words but soon his eyes cleared again and it was back to the cold grey that I was used to know.
His eyes fell upon my hair and he frowned at it, then he hooked his fingers into the hair band that held my hair in place and pulled it free then he began running his fingers through my loc. Smiling in what looked like satisfaction.
“I’m not sure what I’ve started but I don’t think I want to stop.” He whispered softly.
I remained quiet because I was scared to say the wrong things but as he leaned down to connect his lips with mine, all of those thoughts went out the window.
I was sure I didn’t want to stop this too.