The Luna Choosing Game

My wolf cowered inside of me, hurt crashing in on all sides. Rejection. It seeped into every pore and every bone.

I knew I shouldn’t feel that way. Nicholas was pragmatic and cautious. He wouldn’t want to have a baby out of wedlock with anyone, even me.

But my wolf’s reaction is visceral, as if I had been directly rejected by my

mate.

It took every sliver of willpower I had to keep from whimpering and pulling myself into the fetal position. I bury it all down deep, right there alongside

dream I secretly held of making a family with Nicholas.

any

When he glanced at me again, he found me just as closed off as he was.

Slowly, I began to slink out of bed.

“Piper? Where are you going?” He sat up in the bed, watching me as I gathered my clothing off the ground and shimmied back into them.

“I’m going to head back to my room.”

A bit of hurt flashed through his eyes. I tried to ignore it.

“You can stay here the night. Sneak back in the morning,” he said.

“It’s safer if I go now,” I said.

Safer for who? That was the question left unanswered. My heart was already cracking. If I stayed, it might implode into dust.

I slipped out of Nicholas’s room, thinking I might find comfort in the solitude of the hallway. Instead, I only felt emptier somehow.

The walk back to my room felt even longer than usual, and I wasn’t even particularly careful. It was by pure luck that I returned to my room without being seen.

At rehearsals the next day, I avoided Nicholas as much as possible. It was difficult to do with Elva in tow. I wouldn’t deny Elva from spending time with her Nick–lass, even when I’d rather not see him. So I wasn’t terribly shocked when five seconds into entering the ballroom, Elva made a B–line straight for Nicholas.

“Nick–lass!”

Nicholas smile was bright for my little girl. “Elva.” He kneeled down to hug her. Over her head, he looked up at me. That smile dimmed by a large margin. “Piper.”

“Prince Nicholas,” I said, using his formal title. I hadn’t done that in some time. His expression soured further.

He schooled it back into a warm smile, when Elva pulled away to look at

him.

“Mommy says I can be in the play?” she asked.

Nicholas nodded critically. “It’s a very special role, just for you.”

“Can I do it now?”

“Sure, I think we can get Bridget to help show you. If that’s okay with your mom?” Nicholas looked at me. Elva turned to look at me too, all doe eyes.

“Of course it’s okay,” I said, even though my insides were all twisted up. I’d rather keep Elva far, far away from Bridget. But that was unfair. Elva wanted a part and Bridget was the best one to help show her how it was

done.

I was no actress. I wasn’t even a movie buff. Elva deserved a chance to learn

from a real life honest–to–goodness professional.

So I watched as Nicholas led my daughter away, up onto the stage that was fully completed now, to where Bridget waited. Bridget seemed so excited to see Elva, that they immediately hugged like old friends.

Watching them, my sad, lonely heart ached. They looked like a family up there

Bridget took Rhost’s one hand while Nicholas held the other. Together, they hed her to her starting spot, then walked with her across the stage, showing her the route she would take when she threw the flower petals.

I couldn’t hear their words, but Bridget was bright and energetic and she was making Elva laugh and smile. Elva was entirely charmed.

My heart sunk down to my stomach.

“You shouldn’t make that face,” Julian said, suddenly appearing beside me. He could have sneaked up on me, or just walked up while I was so enamored with the others on the stage, I wasn’t sure. Either way, I jumped and he laughed, “Careful, Piper. I didn’t mean to give you a heart attack.”

“It’s my fault,” I said, shaking it off. “I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Ah, I don’t need to hear about your exploits with my brother.”

“It wasn’t because of that,” I said. Though, in hindsight, I really didn’t need to clarify that. It wasn’t any of Julian’s business.

“Then why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked.

I shook my head once, just a little. I didn’t want to talk about it, not even with him. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready. The hurt was too

deep. The rejection too raw.

Nicholas wanted a family. He just didn’t want it with me.

No, that was the hurt talking. I tried to remind myself, Nicholas was just being careful. If I got pregnant, the entire royal house of cards could come tumbling down. It wasn’t worth the risk.

Nicholas and I weren’t like Mark and Susie. We couldn’t just run away together. Nicholas would never turn away from the crown or his kingdom,.

not even for love. Or family.

Not even for me.

Watching Bridget, Nicholas, and Elva frolic across the stage again and again, I shifted my focus from one hurt to another.

If I couldn’t have Nicholas’s children, did I even want more? It was so difficult to think of wanting anyone else. My wolf was so sure Nicholas was

my mate.

And well… it was easy to believe. When I so much as thought of being with anyone else, my stomach twisted into uncomfortable knots like I was going

to be sick.

Julian was quiet beside me, respecting my wish not to talk about it.

And while that felt like the correct decision, I supposed I could talk about something, even if not the real cause of my heartsickness.

“Have you ever thought about having children, Julian?” I asked him.

“Me?” He seemed surprised to be asked. I had no idea why.

“Yes, you.”

He considered it a moment. Looking at him, I noticed his attention too was drawn to the group of three on the stage. Though his eyes were drawn to one woman in particular.

“I guess I’ll give my love whatever she wants,” he said. “Many children? None? It wouldn’t matter to me so long as she was happy.”

I frowned a little. That didn’t seem like a particularly healthy answer. I understood compromise in a relationship, but I felt like when it came to having kids, there should be a line whether you wanted them or not. Doing it or not doing it for someone other than yourself felt like a fast pass to

resentment.

Maybe Julian thought it was romantic. Maybe to someone else it would be. And I understood special circumstances could exist. Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

+15 BOHUS

But… I also knew Julian was thinking of Bridget when he said those words, the woman who barely paid him any attention except for a flirt here and there as if to keep him on the hook romantically.

Julian deserved better.

“Okay,” I said, pressing. “But your wants and needs are important too. So I’m asking, what do you want?”

Julian looked surprised again. This time, he turned from Bridget to look at

1. me.

“What I want doesn’t matter,” he said, and it was so hollow, so chilling, I shivered down to my bones.