The Love That Passed

Jared’s POVNôvelDrama.Org holds © this.

After I talked to mom, I went home and found Colleen still sleeping. I was thankful because she wouldn’t be asking me about the reason for my visit to mom and I didn’t have to lie to her. As much as possible, I want to say everything to her and I feel guilty when I am hiding something from her just like now. It was for her own good. Still, I am not comfortable. That’s why I let everyone at home know so they could help me protect her.

I went back to my study room and started to polish my plan. I knew that this was going to be very dangerous but it was the only thing I knew to trap Derrick. I didn’t want anything to happen to anyone in my family, especially Colleen. And Derrick threatening me is making me feel paranoid all the time. I was already like that because of Colleen’s condition. Her illness is like a ticking time bomb that could take her anytime.

Everyday, I pray to God to give us more time to be together. Not for me but for the goodness of Colleen’s heart, she needed to be rewarded for being such a good person and I hope that God is not blind to seeing that. I pray to Him to extend her life even for a year, even though I know that if that happens, I will be very greedy to pray to Him again for an extension.

There are only a few things that I regret in my life and the one that I couldn’t move on with is with my wife. There were a lot of “I should have,” “what if”, that I wanted to turn back time with but I knew that it was impossible. Colleen leaving me, maybe inevitable, just like the others or me. It’s just we know when she will be leaving us, and that’s why it hurts so much.

Some would say that I am lucky that I know when she’s going. I can still do many things for her and won’t hesitate about giving them to her as long as it makes her happy. But it only made me feel worse, because no matter where I looked at it, it was like I was only waiting for the day she would leave me.

Yes, I could make the best of the days she’s with me, but it will only add up to many things that I am going to think about and remember her for. Everywhere I look and go it will only remind me of her, which will be the most painful because it was only in my memory and the only time that I am going to forget about it is when I lost it. But even if it was like that, I know that there will come a time that I will be able to remember her and feel the pain once again.

Whenever I am by myself like this, I can’t help those things come to mind. I actually didn’t want to think about it but, just as I’ve said, I couldn’t help it. If I had known that someone like my wife would come my way, I would surely wait and protect her the best I could. It’s just such a waste that I started investing my emotions in the wrong person.

I remember the time when Stacey asked me to meet her in a bookstore. She said her dad asked her to buy something there and, because I know her dad loves to read, I believed her. It was also the same bookstore that we often meet, so I know the place perfectly. I was always early into everything, so going there is not an excuse even if we already broke up. I was about to turn to the next shelf when I heard Stacey’s voice,

“Please, you already got married to Jared, why don’t you just leave me alone?” Stacey said,

“Excuse me?” Colleen asked,

“Stop texting me already because Jared and I are not seeing each other anymore.” she said,

“I don’t know what you are talking about, I am not texting you or anyone else. Are you sure that it was me?”

“Is there any other Colleen that is married to Jared? Please don’t deny it anymore, it was a good thing that we accidentally saw each other here so I can clear that with you. Jared and I broke up and that’s it.” Stacey said, and I thought that I shouldn’t just stand there and watch them, so I went in between them.

“Jared,” Stacey said, and as always, she wrapped her arms around mine as Colleen followed her movements with her eyes before she looked at me,

“I didn’t do whatever she was saying just now.” Colleen said, looking down. I thought that she couldn’t look at me, so she must be lying. But because I was feeling guilty about their first encounter, I decided to set that aside and take Stacey away from her instead. I believe she will be able to come home and doesn’t need me to take her back.

Stacey and I went out of the bookstore and went to a coffee shop. I told her to tell her whenever Colleen was texting her or whatever and I would just compensate her. “But Jared, I want you to come back to me,” she said, instead. It was the total opposite of what she told Colleen. Maybe that was the reason why Colleen texted her, because she knew to herself that Stacey wanted me back.

“I’m sorry, I am already married and you know my side when it comes to marriage.” I replied,

“So you will just continue living with her even if you don’t love her?” she asked, I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t entirely true. I started to like my wife. That started when I found out about my wrong judgment about her and saw her talking to Betty and the other maids looking happy and beautiful.

“Are you willing to sacrifice your own feelings for your belief?” she asked again,

“I’m sorry, I just can’t.” I told her and left her there after I paid for our order and totally forgot about the reason why I came there. Since then, I have tried to avoid her calls and whenever I happened to answer them, I made some excuses like being busy at work. Which was entirely true because I spent almost all of my time at the company that time.

Now, thinking about those times that I wasted, believing Stacey, I even feel more guilty. I sighed deeply and thought, if only I could turn back the time, I would definitely do it.

“That was deep,” I looked at where the voice was coming from. It was my wife standing at the door and was now walking closer to me, smiling. “Do we have a problem?” she asked, and I smiled at her. She was always like that. Even though it was actually my problem alone, she would always say that it was ours because we are married and share the burden.

“Not, really. I was just thinking that your schedule for your CS was approaching and I was thinking about if Ingrid would ask me to manage the company again after.” I said, and there was my lie.

She creased her forehead as she stood in front of my table looking at me intently. “Are you sure that’s the case?” she asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing, I just thought that you were thinking about something and was having a hard time finding some solution, so I just want to let you know that I can try to help you out.” she replied and I smiled at her. I took her hand before leading her to come to me and sat her on my lap and hugged her,

“Ingrid is the only one who will be able to help me, and that is if she will still agree to stay there even after you have given birth.” My sister has already told me that I will have all my time and she’s going to take care of the company, but it was the only reason I can come up with and I’m sure that my sister will help me through it. Then there she goes with her smile again.