The Impact of You

Chapter 31

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We don’t discuss my pornographic past, we don’t talk about us. We just drive. Each hour carries us closer to Denver, and I can’t help but feel further apart emotionally. The casual banter that used to flow so easily between us has been snatched away. This is what I’d always feared – getting close to someone, and then having it ripped away from me once my secret came out. That’s why it’s easier not to get too close. But nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Crap. I hate how in my head I get about Jase. I need to just let it go. Him being here doesn’t mean anything…does it?

Jase yawns and stretches next to me, pulling my attention from the road over to him. “When do you wanna stop?” he says around another yawn.

The clock on the dash informs me it’s already after eleven. I’ve been driving for almost six hours. Wow. My neck is stiff and sore and cracks when I roll my shoulders. “I just thought I’d pull into a motel off the highway, and crash. Sound okay to you?”

He nods. “Sounds good.”

A few minutes later, Jase points out a sign for a motel. It’s a cheap and probably run-down chain, but it’ll do. I don’t need anything fancy. I pull off onto the exit, more than ready to get out and stretch my legs.

As I navigate us toward the motel, Jase gestures to the string of fast food restaurants further down the road. “Let’s grab something to eat first. You’re too thin, and I doubt you had dinner.”

I grin sheepishly. He’s right. I haven’t been eating well. Somehow food just doesn’t taste like it used to. Most days I have to force myself to get something down, and today, with all the excitement, it completely slipped my mind. “Sure. Burgers or subs?” I survey the restaurants around us.

Jase looks over at me, his eyes smiling on mine. “I’m feeding you the biggest cheeseburger we can find. It wouldn’t hurt to put a few pounds on you.”

I chuckle and shake my head at him. I’m nowhere near model-thin, but it’s nice to hear his concern, just the same.

After polishing off cheeseburgers and fries, Jase and I check into the little motel he’d seen off the highway. An adjoining door separates our rooms, and though I want a shower and to crawl in bed, suddenly that door is all I can think about. Or more specifically, what’s on the other side of it. I shouldn’t allow myself to feel any hope, but I can’t help wonder what Jase is thinking. I’m also worried about trusting myself with him.