The Glimpse of My Past

Liam’s P. O. V.

Diane would surely freak out if she would wake up with me after our argument, and she might get mad at me even more. That was why I decided to just go to Nana Lydia first.

She was our former housemaid, who almost raised Leandro and me. She would still come to the mansion to clean and cook for us. I knew that Kyla had a lot of clothes there, and I was sure that those would also fit Diane. Kyla was the only child of Nana Lydia, whom I considered a real sibling while growing up.

While driving quietly, I just couldn’t help myself from glancing at the woman I loved. Diane’s appearance now was not that far from the way she looked before-the first time I saw her lying in the living room of my condo about four years ago.

Although I searched for her, never did it occur in my mind that fate would still make a way for us to meet again. And not only that, she even became my girlfriend.

But the agony was like a switchblade that walloped my heart, and the thought literally made me sad. God knew how much I loved this woman. God knew how much I had to endure the pain every time I wasn’t able to tell her the truth about us.

God knew how much I suffered a heartache, most especially when I learned that I raped her on the night of her birthday-and that was even her eighteenth birthday. There were times that I wanted to tell her the truth but as soon as I opened my mouth to mention it, I would only feel scared-prompting my tongue to regress.

Over the days that turned to be months, I ended up hurting myself even more… knowing that I hurt the woman I loved the most. I was hurting Diane by simply lying to her every single day that we were together.

Diane mattered so much to me, and I could do even the impossible thing for her. But right now, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I knew that my decision was selfish and all wrong, but I was indeed afraid of losing her. I could afford to lose everything-money, wealth, and power-but not her.

Soon after, I felt how Diane moved on her seat before she hugged the blouse that was on top of her chest. I guessed she was half-awake. She looked at me while her eyes were drooping with batting long lashes.

“Lo-Lorenz? W-Where are we going?” She then clumsily smiled, which caused me to chuckle.

Alright, I have a drunk girlfriend here! Didn’t she even notice her handsome boyfriend? Tsk!

That was when I decided to just ride with Diane’s drunken state. They said that there was a high tendency for a person to express their true feelings when they were drunk. Let’s try to prove it with Diane.

“Diane, hang on… I will take you to Liam. You are very drunk. I already stopped you earlier, right? Why would you even drink when you can’t even take care of yourself?” I responded. For now, I disguised myself as Lorenz.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

Diane was silenced for a long time before she spoke again. But I was indeed surprised when just a few minutes later, she was already sniffing, and it was too late for me to notice that she was already crying.

“Y-You know what, bestie? I-I loved Liam. I really loved him-to the point that I couldn’t imagine living my life without him. I wouldn’t be so hurt like this if-if I didn’t love him, right? D-Do you understand what I’m feeling? It hurts here-and I’m not over-reacting!” Diane hiccupped frequently as she even pointed her chest.

“But now I realized, you-you are right, best friend! I should think straight and calm my-my mind. I never thought that I-I would be jealous over that floured rice cake! What was her name again? Sisa-belle?” Then, Diane chuckled like a child.

“Well, that Sisabelle? She will never get my place in Liam’s heart. Do you hear me, Lo-Lorenz? Never, because I won’t ever allow her! That’s why I will say sorry to my Liam-babe first thing in the morning tomorrow. That’s a promise-oh, I miss him already!” She sobbed again before she closed her eyes.

Although Diane was weeping out loud while being drunk, and I could smell how she reeked of alcohol, she was still as gorgeous as ever, and what she confessed still made my lips smile with pleasure. Most especially, when she told me that she couldn’t imagine living her life without me? That alone made my heart jump ecstatically.

My smile transitioned to a giggle when I remembered how she called Isabelle a floured rice cake. It made me think how Diane used to eat a lot and that made me shake my head in glee. She also called her Sisabelle. All I could remember was Sisa* in Noli Me Tangere.

Diane was so cute, but I stopped looking at her and just focused my attention back on the road. I wouldn’t be able to control myself from kissing her if I would only stare at her.

Don’t worry, Diane… you don’t have any idea how much I love you and how much I’m willing to risk just to be with you. You haven’t apologized yet, but I have already forgiven you.

I love you so much, Diane… and I can’t imagine living my life without you too. I hope that your feelings for me won’t ever change the moment you learned the truth.

Soon enough, we already arrived at Nana Lydia’s place. It was one of my houses before, but I already gave it to her. Still, she humbly acted as a caretaker. I stopped the car in front of the large green gate, unbuckled my seatbelt, leaned over, and gently wiped Diane’s almost dried tears on her cheeks. Then, I placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

I picked up my cellular phone from one of the inside pockets of my American coat and called Nana’s number. In just a few minutes, she opened the gate of the big house. I drove inside and parked in the landscaped garden area.

“Hijo, to what I owe the purpose of this visit? How are you? Oh, I’m glad to see you, but it’s just unfortunate that Kyla isn’t even here. For sure, just seeing you here will make her jump out of excitement!” Nana Lydia greeted me. I immediately placed my forehead on her right knuckles as my respect. She then hugged me and kissed both of my cheeks.

“Nana, I’m with someone. Just a moment,” I told her before I immediately went to Diane, who was still in the car. After opening the door and removing her seatbelt, I carefully led her out. She wasn’t even a burden to me.

Diane was light-weighted, and these past few days, she seemed to have lost a lot of weight. One thing for sure was that she used to eat a lot every time we were together. Perhaps, due to stress? I wasn’t sure. Since she was so drunk, she probably didn’t know what was going on around her.

“Oh, you’re so… handsome! You even looked like Liam… but right! Li-Liam? Is that you?” Her eyelids were drooping due to surging intoxication. She was standing on her feet, and I was only supporting her waist.

Later on, she faced Nana Lydia. “Oh, we were three here!” Diane happily squealed as her brown eyes dilated. She even clapped her hands out of glee.

“He-Hello, ma’am! I’m Diane. Well, did you know how much I love Liam? I will say sorry to him-maybe tomorrow-when he’s already with me! I will never let him go away from me, and I’ll be sure to-to fight for him no matter what… hmpft… arck!” She tried to clasp her mouth, but she wasn’t able to do it. It was all too late.

_________________________

Sisa* is the deranged mother of Basilio and Crispin in Jose P. Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere.

Unable to stand up to her abusive husband, and later the Guardia Civil, Sisa went from one traumatic event to another, causing her to eventually lose her sanity due to the mental burden. This insanity manifested in her wandering around San Diego, calling out her children’s names, and singing songs out of nowhere.

[Source: Google]