It hurts
Nikolai’s POV
I awakened with a sore throat and a blinding headache. I looked down to see that I was still in my work clothes. No wonder I was so uncomfortable. Groaning in pain from the headache, I pulled off my trousers and undid my tie from around my neck. Sighing, I relaxed back onto the bed, placing a hand behind my head. I stretched my hand toward the dresser and popped the drawers open in search of some aspirin.
My hand froze as I brought the pills to my lips. The events of last night came rushing back to me and I raked my hand through my hair. Why had I stooped so low that I had taken advantage of her when I knew she was helpless?
But thinking of that only reminded me of one thing: Elle. She had been treated the exact same way. Brutally taken advance of although she was innocent.
The only thing that baffled me was the fact that the girl was a virgin. From the rumors that flew around and the reports from Drew when he had spied on the Monhowl pack, the girl was a shameless whore who had slept with nearly every male in their pack, and many others from other packs. So I had been beyond confused at her tightness, but I hadn’t cared then. But I couldn’t forget nor ignore the sight of blood trailing down her legs. I felt my heart clench as guilt poked me in the chest. I had taken her virginity… and forcefully too. No one deserved to go through that. For the first time in a long time, I felt disgusted with myself for something other than my inability to protect Elle.
“Fuck.”
I rubbed my temple. No, no. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Why was I? Why should I? No one had felt bad when they took turns on my pregnant wife and snapped her neck afterwards. The prisoner and her father deserved everything that came their way.
But I still couldn’t leave her there. Making up my mind, I mindlinked the only person I was sure could handle all of this without flinching.
Margaret arrived at my bedroom five minutes later, an unreadable expression on her face. For the first time, she didn’t give her usual mischievous smile. For no particular reason I began to feel uneasy. But I held myself. I was the alpha and I had control. Why should I care what anyone else thought.
“You called for me?” She asked, her tone crisp.
Her tone surprised me but I didn’t show it. I cleared my throat and went straight to the point. “The prisoner. Go down to her room and clean her up,” I commanded, trying not to falter under her cold stare. I wondered if she already knew what had happened. It made me uncomfortable that her eyes held no anger, she just had this faraway look in her eyes that I didn’t like. Anger, I could handle. But I had never known how to handle disappointment.
For the first time she didn’t bow when I gave her an order. Instead she stared long and hard at me for a few moments.
“For the first time in thirty-three years, I am completely and utterly disgusted by you,” She whispered, and then she was out.
I fell back onto the pillows, not quite understanding the weight that had come to rest heavily on my chest.
Liyah’s POV
I felt light. So light that maybe if I stopped breathing I would float away. The tears had dried on my face and the binds had succeeded in tearing into my wrists. At intervals, I would rock back and forth forcefully to enable them tear deeper into my skin. Hopefully they would tear into something vital and then I would finally have peace.
My legs felt like lead from standing all night long and I almost couldn’t feel them anymore. But everything… my swollen eyes, throat sore from screaming and crying, dried blood on my lips, my nose and between my thighs… none of them were as painful nor draining as the hole in my chest. And it kept widening with time. I had no idea what I was doing here. I had thought I knew what it meant to be broken. But I didn’t. I had no idea what it was.
But now… the pain that hurt so much that I began to feel numb, the emptiness in my chest…
Now I understood what it meant. I felt beyond broken. I had always felt like I was a nobody. But now, I did not even have the zeal to be anything. I was nothing. All I wanted was to sink into the ground, and I wasn’t even sure if that would end the pain.
I needed something. Anything. As long as it would end the pain.
I jerked in fright when I heard the door open. I shut my eyes for the pain in advance. But instead, I felt the binds around my wrists and the gag around my mouth snap and loosen, and I fell into the arms of a concerned looking Margaret.
“Oh my goodness,” I heard her whisper and she caught me in her arms. I saw her face contort into a pained expression as she gently placed me on the bed and walked into the bathroom.
I only realized how sore I felt when I had to stand on my own. I collapsed back onto the bed in pain when I tried and tried to ignore the throbbing pain in between my legs.
After a while Margaret returned. “Easy now,” She cooed as she placed an arm around my waist for support. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”
I made no sign to show that I had heard her. When I lowered myself into the warm bath, I looked up at the ceiling, my shallow breathing filling my ears.
“I’m sorry,” I heard Margaret whisper, placing a hand firmly on mine and squeezing. At first I was confused as to why, but then I realized that tears had begun to leak from my eyes. I raised my hand to my wet cheek wordlessly and stared at her. I wasn’t exactly sure why I began to sob violently.
I gripped Margaret’s arm, staring her in the eyes. “I-I never hurt anyone! I nev-never hurt anyone!! W-why…” I choked on my words as a sharp pain pierced my chest.
I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ve never, ever, ever hurt anybody,” I sobbed, bringing my hand to my chest and clutching at it.Exclusive © material by Nô(/v)elDrama.Org.
It hurt.
It was hurting so badly.
“W-what did I do?” I questioned, looking up at nothing in particular.
I felt Margaret wrap her hands tightly around me, not letting go despite my attempts to break away. Finally, I sank into my pain, letting my tears drip into the bathtub.