Thirty Three
No Holding Back
***
Dracul
Elena’s question hit me like a sledgehammer. I didn’t know what to say or how to react.
No one had ever asked me that before. No one had ever cared about what I was feeling before now, not really.
As a child, the focus had been on survival, and I had been grown for so long now that I barely even remembered that time. I sighed and tried to rein in my emotions, which stampeded along at a great speed.
Elena was something else, she was.
Right now, when I should be feeling guilty for what happened between Gulliver and me, I wanted nothing more than to pull Elena into my arms. It was insane. It was absurd.
But she did that to me. Even in the depth of the hardest conversation of my life, she was still here, listening.
Even in the depth of the most challenging part of history, I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms.
She did things to me, things that I had never felt before, things that I didn’t truly understand.
I turned and she was looking at me with such focus, such earnestness. She meant every word. She wanted to know. It mattered to her.
“It meant a lot.” I said slowly, choosing my words carefully.
She nodded slowly and I could see the relaxed shift of her shoulders as she moved.
“Okay.” She said, quietly, “Okay.”
There was silence between us, and I felt like I needed to say more, like there was more to be said, to pass between us.
“Elena..” I said, struggling with my words, “If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have… wanted to protect you.” I said.
It was important to me that she understood what I meant. Making love with her had been a way to protect her, yes. But I had only wanted to protect her because I cared.
And despite my best intentions, I had still felt raging emotions burning within me when we made love. It had meant so much to me, so much that I couldn’t put it into words.
I just didn’t have the words to do it. They just weren’t there.
I took a shuddering breath, feeling sick to my stomach as I looked at her. I didn’t want to disappoint her. She meant things to me I didn’t understand.
Things that made me act on impulse. Emotions that fuelled me when my brain no longer knew what to do.
Elena did all of that to me and more. So much more.
“Me?” She whispered, her voice soft and quiet, “But why me, Dracul?”
I didn’t know the answer to that question. I didn’t know why I was putting her first when all logic told me otherwise. I didn’t know why I would risk everything for her when I had only known her for a short while.
But I had risked everything. And I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I would risk it all again if I was given the chance.
Everything ached as I moved, but I turned to face her. She was sitting on a chair, close to me, but she looked exhausted.
Of course, she did. She had been through hell in the last few days. And now, she had to face even more confusion, even more uncertainty.
I didn’t want to do this to her. I didn’t like it. doing this to her.
At first, I hadn’t thought I would care that much. One stupid human didn’t mean anything to me.
But she did mean something to me. She meant a lot to me. She meant more than I had words to say. And I knew that she felt it too.
I could feel it in the way that she held me, the way she kissed me, the way she looked at me.
And it scared the hell out of her just like it scared the hell out of me.
“I don’t know, but…” I hesitated, “I want you around, Elena. I want you here. I want to know more about you.”
I stopped and stifled a dark laugh, “If you just want to run, to go back home… I’d understand.”
There was a moment of tension where I wondered what she would say next.
Then she spoke.
“No, I don’t… want to leave. I don’t.. know how I would… cope, back home.” She was frowning, “Everything I knew, everything I thought I understood… everything is different now.” She said slowly.
I nodded. I felt it too. Everything had changed, everything was different. It had started when Elena first walked into my life, and things just kept changing.
I leaned over, reaching out a hand.
Elena looked at me for a long moment. I wondered if she was going to take it or turn away from me.
Then she took my hand and the knot eased in my chest.
I pulled gently and she got up, making her way towards the table. I watched carefully as she approached me.
I reached out with my free hand and gently touched her face. I pushed her hair out of her. eyes, my voice soft.
“Did they hurt you?” I whispered.
“No.” She said, letting out a shaky breath, “No, they didn’t get a chance. I tripped and fell, but they didn’t hurt me.”
I nodded, feeling a rush of relief bubble up inside of me. Good. I never wanted to see Elena get hurt. I never wanted her hurt. If those men had laid a hand on her, hurt her, I would have had to do much more than knock them around.
“I was worried.” I said, admitting the feeling quietly and suddenly.
Elena nodded, “Thank you for coming after me.” She said, a soft whisper passing between us.
I leaned over, surged by the need to be close to her.
Without thinking, I kissed her. Suddenly, it didn’t matter if Gulliver was furious with me, and the world was burning. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that things were undefined between us.
All that mattered, all that really mattered, was having Elena in my arms. All that really mattered was having her arms around mine, holding her close, and knowing that she was okay.
All that mattered was the feeling of safety and security of having her in my arms. When she was in my arms, no one else could touch her. When she was in my arms, she was safe from everything and everyone.
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For a second, she hesitated. Then she was kissing me back, pressing into my arms, climbing onto the table so that she could be closer.
I pulled her on top of me and she shifted to slide into my lap, holding me tight. Right now, it wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about anything but the warm press of her skin against mine.
It wasn’t about anything but the feeling of her heart, her skin, her hair beneath my fingertips.
I kissed her as I meant it because I did. I loved the feeling of my lips on hers, the touch of her body against mine. She fit like she was made for me. She fit like we were meant to be.
So, I held her and I kissed her until our breaths combined into one. I held her until I could feel the sweet and tender flutter of her heartbeat against my chest, aching and perfect. I held her until there was nothing left of me.
I moaned and kissed her, feeling the ache of pleasure as I ran my fingers through her hair, tugging on the strands. I shuddered as I rocked my hips against hers.
She felt so good in my arms that I couldn’t see straight. I kissed her until I desperately needed to take in air. And then I kissed her more.
She moaned against me and I felt shivers move through my body. I grabbed her skin, sliding my hands up her skirts and gripping her tightly. This time, I wanted to go further.
This time, no one could make me stop.
She was absolutely flawless. She was perfect in ways that I could never have imagined. I never wanted to let her go. Not for a single second. Lost in the moment, I could think of nothing but her.
Her skin felt so soft, and even though I was weakened from the fight, I knew I had the strength for this.
No matter my conflicting emotions, I knew that I needed her, wanted her. That much I knew with devastating certainty.
She gave me strength when I had none. She pulled it from the deepest reserves within me. She made me fight. She pushed me forwards.
I groaned, rocking her against me, shivering at the friction through the fabric of my pants. I thought about how she had felt against my body and arousal shot through me.
This time, I knew that I wanted her, and I knew that she wanted me too.
There was no holding back.