My CEO, My Temptation

Kayleigh

After all these years, I was finally admitted again. I looked at my surroundings. The whitewashed walls, the door with a window, and a lock system from the other side. The standard living furniture was an indication of more depressing thoughts ahead.

I remembered I was there before, right after my dad died. Mom said she killed him, that it was self-defense. But what if I did it? I still couldn’t recollect the exact details up to this date. My psychiatrist said I might never will, and I’ve made my peace with that fact.

Maybe all the abuse and rape I underwent made me finally crack and kill him. That was what I kept saying to myself, surely mom didn’t do anything knowing her daughter was being molested. But she said she protected me, that she finally killed him for me. And her words had been the glue, it was making me stay with her after dad was gone.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

In a way, I was thanking my mom for stopping my dad after years of doing his depravity on me. If she didn’t kill him, I still thank her for taking all the questions for me, the judgemental police questioning trying to put the blame on manslaughter rather than self-defense.

Maybe I finally gave up and finally killed her too? maybe it wasn’t a stroke after all.

The constant relapse of my amnesia was making me realize that I was not where I was supposed to be. I was losing a couple of hours of my days and lately, it has been happening more often than it should.

Maybe it’s the pressure of my job, or maybe it’s because Jessica no longer needed me. Or… maybe, because she finally sees me for who I really was.

My mind was hazy from all the drugs. Mom told me that I was wrong in the head, but mom was mom. I hated her but I couldn’t seem to get rid of her, not even when she had her so-called stroke and died under my care.

Stroke, that was what the autopsy report said. It cleared me off my charges, but I was still hazy with their other charges. Maybe I will go to jail for kidnapping Jessica? or is there a law where someone would go to jail if that someone kept a person’s remains above ground?

I forgot how I brought mom to her favorite place, her friend’s little cottage up in the mountains. And to this date, I still don’t know how I managed to get Jessica there. I think my mind was crumbling when I snapped and noticed that I locked her in the small cupboard.

I thought I was cured.

But I wasn’t and I managed to push away the only person who mattered to me the most. I love her like a sister, she was my best friend.

Though sometimes there were voices in my head, I managed to push them away. I’ve been better since Troy was out of my life. Back then, I hated that I would wake up in his bed and see bruises on my body.

I had cried knowing I was abused but my mind couldn’t even remember about the how and why I couldn’t remember it. That time I knew I was back to my old crazy self.

“Kayleigh, are you with me?”

I nodded to his question. Of course, I was there, maybe he’s expecting my evil twin?

“You need to voice your answer, this is a recorded mandatory session.”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Thank you. Now, let’s pick up where our last session ended. You’re taking your mom to her friend’s place in the mountains. Do you know she had passed away?”

I shook my head, my tears wet my cheek as I vocalized my answer with a shaky no.

Why was I crying? oh yeah, the frustration… I hated not knowing the how.

“I remembered taking Jess with me wanting to take her to see mom, I… I didn’t know that mom had passed away. Then the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital and I heard Jessica was there too, bruised and battered. Did I really beat her up?”

My head hurts, my chest was heavy with guilt and I took a deep breath trying to compose myself together.

“You locked her in a small closet, she hurt herself pounding on the door, trying to get out… it’s your personality disorder,”

“Will I go to jail? will I be under arrest after this mandatory evaluation?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’m the best person to answer your question. My job is to assess your situation.” He smiled at me warmly, then back to writing notes on his pad.

“Kayleigh, do you remember what happened this afternoon when Jessica visited you?”

“We talked, she looked beautiful as always. I invite her to my room, that’s it. I thought she went home?”

The doctor nodded and write more on his notepad.

“Did I hurt her again?”

I know I did when he looked at me and grimly nodded.

“I don’t want her to visit me, not anymore. I’m crazy, I don’t want to hurt her, never again. You should lock me up, I don’t deserve her attention.” I wiped my tears again, my chest hurts, I was pulling my knees to my chest, rocking myself in frustration.

Jessica and I have been friends for years I still don’t know what I’ve done to her, my stupid mind kept on fucking with me. I thought I was cured since I never lost hours of my life again. But I know that’s not true, not until a couple of weeks ago.

“Kayleigh, you have a condition. You’re not at fault, this happened when your brain resist the urge and decided to protect yourself by creating another personality. This happened when your dad abused and molested you.”

I kept on hugging my knees, rocking back and forth while he kept on explaining further. Reminding me what I’ve already known.

“A stronger personality might seem to cause you more harm but in actuality, the personality was formed because mentally you realized you couldn’t stand up for yourself. It’s like your own personal survival skill, rather than breaking down and losing it, your brain flipped and created another you, a stronger you.”

The DID, he had talked to me about this, wanted me to draw out my other half to come out and talk to him as a patient.

“Do you know her name, Kayleigh? sometimes another personality has other names, even different gender than yours.”

My doctor was quiet, he was giving me time to let my other personality out. His deep soothing voice, his warmth, his way of assuring me that I will still be in control if I let my other personality out, they all convinced me and my mind somehow opened as if he was hypnotizing me but I was aware of my surroundings.

“Kayleigh, who do you have with you right now? would you like to introduce me to that person?”

He must’ve seen the changes in my behavior, the way of positioning myself, how I talked and looked at him. I feel fearless, and that was when I started talking as her.

“My name is Crista, I’m a badass stripper.”

“Crista, hello… welcome to our session. Would you tell me how old are you and how long since you’ve been friends with Kayleigh?”

*****

I woke up in my bed the next morning, or so I thought it was. But looking at the window I know it has been days, or maybe even weeks.

My movement stop when I tried to remember, but failed. I didn’t have a recollection of what had happened to me.

“I’m crazy, aren’t I? I’m losing it? how long have I been here.” I asked looking at the doctor that had been treating me.

His face was calming, he’s quite a handsome man. I’d imagine he has a beautiful wife and five beautiful kids waiting for him at home.

“You’ve been here for three weeks, and I’ve been talking to Crista up until today. How are you, Kayleigh?”

Three weeks? I’ve been out of it for three fucking weeks?

“I’m… I’m not well, tired. How long am I going to be here?”

“Kayleigh, why don’t we talk about something else?”

And that was it, I kept looking at him writing down on his pad while I was back to rocking myself and wiping my tears away, whispering to myself. Telling myself that I was crazy and that I was helpless.