Love for the Librarian

I head inside to see my mother staring at me. “Did you need something?” I try to play it cool, but the way she is looking at me it is obvious that she saw me with Dylan.

“I thought you said that he was just a friend.” She looks a little hurt. I am not really sure why.

“Well, I told you that I didn’t want to have a relationship with him, because I am leaving. He is just a bit persistent.” I shrug like it isn’t a big deal, even though my body is still shaking from the kiss.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” She wants me to confide in her. I can tell this is one of those mother daughter moments that make a relationship.

“I made it clear to him that we are just friends. He made it clear that he just wants to enjoy my company while he has it.”

“How far are you planning on taking the relationship?”

“I don’t really know. I know I like having him around. I really like him, he is funny and kind. He makes me feel pretty too. I don’t have a lot of friends, mom, he is one that I don’t want to lose.”

“I thought you were doing fine in school.” She looks at me puzzled.

I roll my eyes. “Mom, I am doing fine academically. Truth be told, the only real friend that I have is Katelyn. Now Dylan wants to be my friend and I like it. I am not throwing myself at him or so happy that he is talking to me that I am just going to open my legs to him. If that is what you are concerned about then don’t be.”

“What about the other boy that was with you last night?”

“Kevin, he has picked on me for years. Just recently he has decided that he likes being friends with me. I am not sure exactly how to take that, so I get along with him. He knows that I hate the fact that he picked on me. Hell, Aunt Polly made it clear if she ever saw him do it again then he would regret it. Kevin is just Kevin.” I shrug.

She looks sad. “I didn’t know things were so bad for you. I am so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

“Hey, it’s no big deal mom. I got by. I have had fun. I was picked on a little, but nothing compared to other people. The worst thing that anyone could say about me is that I don’t put out. Not really a bad thing. I dealt. Besides, I am going on to bigger and better things.” I gave my mom a smile, I didn’t need her to feel sorry for me. “I am beat, mom. I am going to head to bed. I have a lot of work to do. You know finals and all.”

“Would it be possible for you to stay local? I know you are already set to go to university in California, but would it be really nice to have you close for a while longer.”

“I don’t know. I am pretty set on moving. I will keep it in mind mom. I still have time to decide. Not much time but time.”

“Thank you dear. Have a good night.” The smile that she gives me is one that I have been looking for from her for a long time. She is an amazing woman and she used to be here for me. I really hope things can be that way again.

“Good night mom.” I walked down the hall to my room. Thoughts swimming around my head, what am I really going to do? I can’t help the feelings that I have for Dylan, they seem to get stronger everyday. Do I put my plans to the side for a man or do I push through and follow through? I plan on returning to town after school. After all it is a family run library, I am the only one who will take it over. But what if when I get there I don’t want to come back.

Too many thoughts to fight with any more. I just need to sleep. So I do the one thing that I haven’t done in months. I take a sleeping pill. Usually I only take them when I am anxious about some test or something and can’t get to sleep. This is the first time I have ever had to take one for my social problems.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

The next morning I woke up groggy. Of course the side effects of sleeping pills. Joy. I jump into a cold shower to wake me up, when I feel the grogginess lifting I warm it up. When I stand in front of my closet deciding what to wear I am struck by the thought that I have never cared before. Why the hell do I care now? I decided to keep it simple and wear the usual. After I dress I head to the kitchen, coffee is in my future this morning.

My mother is in the kitchen cooking up breakfast. I nod to her good morning and head straight to the coffee pot. Of course this she noticed. “You don’t usually drink coffee, were you up late?”

“I took a sleeping pill, because I was having trouble sleeping. I do that sometimes it’s no big deal.” I pour the coffee and add cream and sugar.

“Too much on your mind.”

“Yeah, you know finals and all. It is a lot on my shoulders.”

“Honey, you know that the tests aren’t really that big a deal at this point. Are you sure that there isn’t something else that is bothering you?” Of course she wants me to open up to her.

“Maybe, but I can handle this. It isn’t that big a deal mom. I’m going to head off to school.”

“No one is picking you up today. Do you want me to drive you?”

“I thought it was ridiculous that anyone was picking me up. It is a fifteen minute walk. I can use the air right now.”

“Alright honey. I will see you tonight right?”

“Yeah, mom. I will come home.”

“You can bring that boy to the door if you want.”

“Mom,” I roll my eyes at her.

“Just putting it out there. It wouldn’t be so bad for him to meet your mother.”

“We are just going to be friends.”

“I don’t think that is what he wants.”

“I will see you tonight mom.”

“Alright dear.” She has an evident smile on her face. Obviously cocky. What the hell does she know?