Living With The Player

DYLAN EMERTON

TUESDAY

Load shedding. Relief. Inner peace. A strike able balance between my mind, body, and soul.

That’s how good it felt to open up about her. When I returned from the wedding, I kept fretting, although the kiss had awakened a fire inside of me; I craved to do more. Just not yet.

My past will always tow me down to a dark, lonely, and quiet cell. I need to free myself. The shackles of Athena Williams had to be broken.

And they are. They are because of Camilla. Just when I reckoned I couldn’t love her less, she pushes the line a little further.

I’m utterly smitten by her. It took years to say those words and I mean them now. I’m in love with Camilla Renée.

I breathe sharply walking beside her in silence. What I would give in exchange for a confession. I lost it back there.

So beautiful. So worship-able. At her feet, given the infinite pleasure of beholding her features.

“I love you.”

The words were on my mind yet stuck in my throat. I jerked back. I already made out with her once. She’s in a relationship, I’m giving the respect for that sole reason.

I’m not quite prepared to watch her love someone else, but I’ll bottle my longings My pain. My desires. For her.

I’ll fix myself. Go meet Athena. Clear my head. And once I’m back, I’ll be Camilla’s. If she’ll have me.

******

Athena is in Pennsylvania. Finding her was easy. The power of Google and Instagram. She attends a university there, but locating her residence proved tricky.

I had to call in a few favours from my dad’s contact and an hour later; I had an address. My flight leaves tomorrow morning before 8.

******

I got a max of five hours of sleep last night after fidgeting with my pillow, propping my hands in my face and playing online games.

I touched ground minutes ago. Since I don’t have any luggage, I’m currently waiting for the cab to take me to her place.

The drive took less than twenty minutes and then came to a halt in front of a medium-sized apartment. Almost the same size as mine.

Stepping down, my heartbeat went in the opposite direction and even quicker as I approached the door.

What if she’s not home? Or shuts the door in my face?

I folded my fist and knocked softly.

No answer. I gave a three-second allowance and then rang the doorbell instead.

“Coming.”

I froze at the sound of her voice. This is it. My last shot to walk away. No – I’m doing this. I smoothen the length of my hair, her steps drawing nearly. Three breaths and the doorknob clicks to reveal her figure.

Shock? Anger? Love? Awe?

I thought I’d feel those, but no. I just stare at her. Recognition flashes through her eyes and she hold the door to restrain herself and her breathing.

“May I come in, please?”

I quip, striking a small smile. She nodded and then moved aside.

Slowly, I trudged inside, and the apartment is like mine.

“Hello, Dylan.”

She fidgeted with a nail, creasing the other underneath her green shirt.

Her jeans began directly beneath her navel.

Athena hadn’t altered even the slightest. Maybe a little more height, piercing green eyes glaring as ever, her curves were more outgoing and finally, she grew her hair past her shoulder, but still the same girl I kissed in the cinema.

“Hi.”

I answer, laying my back on the couch without an invitation.

Athena stands there, glancing, watching, observing, her lips would occasionally part but she’ll clip them back.

“There’s something-”

“I’m sorry.”

She cries out, pausing my sentence.

Sorry?

“Uhm-”

“No. Continue. I want to hear what you have to say.”

I cross my legs, spreading my arms around the chair. The living room is the size of my apartment at Cal-U. It has an enclosed section for the wine cabinet and dining, which mine lacks.

“For blocking you out of my life years ago. I’m sorry.”

She slumps on the nearest sofa.

“Blocking is one specific way to put it. I’m more concerned about the motivations for those actions and I need you to be honest with me. You owe me that much after the entire time?”

I incline my head, spotting the wine cabinet.

“A second.”

Swiftly, I strut towards it, picking out a bottle of red wine and two glasses. I need to stay focused.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

I declared upon my return. Athena seems more composed, she’s exhaling at intervals, legs and arms crossed.

“I-”

She stops, heaving a large sigh. My lids perk in curiosity.

“Maybe I should ask the questions then. I knew what you did Athena. That day when you got angry and left, I saw your journal entries if that’s what you’ll call them. Dating all you’ve done to get into my life for getting my dad to align with your dad.”

Athena’s focus rests on her legs, I can only hear her stable breathing. Still, she does not answer. And I continue.

“I found out before the contract was signed. Weeks ago precisely.”

She snaps her head to me, confronting my eyes for the second time today. She scans my features for hints of foul play and shifts when she senses none.

“I don’t understand, why didn’t you say anything? If you knew what I wanted to do, why didn’t you try to stop me?”

She murmurs instinctively.

“Because I thought I was in love with you. I thought it’ll make you happy. I thought you were doing it so both of us can have an alliance as well. I was young, stupid, and reckless.”

She shivers, turning her head away.

“I knew, and I helped you. I persuaded my dad in fact and the deal bit us in the ass courtesy of your dad, but I’m not here to reminisce all of that. I just want to know why you did it. The truth. Your parents put you up to it? Did they instruct their daughter to befriend and manipulate me? I just need to know why.”

“After all these years, you’re here to know why I betrayed your trust?”

She laced her tongue with disbelief.

“Yes, Athena.”

I seethe, coming off harsher than I expected. She jumps slightly, recoiling at my tone. An apology is at the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back.

“I deserve the truth. If only that’s what I get from you.”

“No.”

She answers as soon as I finish. No? I don’t deserve the truth?

“No. My parents did not ask me to do it.”

She clarifies, breathing in and out. I jerk tremendously. A part of me had the tiniest hope that Athena was innocent-not quite but at least she wasn’t the orchestrator.

But she was. The removed knife from before resurfaces and sinks deeper into my heart.

“My parents wanted us to move to another state because that branch wasn’t doing well. I figured if we got the contract we wouldn’t have to move. I didn’t want to leave.”

I cut her off with a scoff.

“I call bullshit. You left anyway. You left the country less than a month later.”

Her eyes glistened then she looks away.

“Let me finish.”

She whispers breathlessly.

“I had friends back here, so I asked my parents if the Emertons had agreed after two meetings. They said it was under negotiation, but we may not have that time. I couldn’t leave, so on the third dinner, I opted to tag along and see things myself. I had no intention of trying to manipulate. I barely paid attention. I didn’t know the Emerton had a son ”

“Sons.”

I correct clenching my fist.

“Dylan-”

“Continue.”

I answer briskly.

“When I saw you, I was curious. Eager to know more, but my parents said the third one did little either. That’s why I began searching for options and-”

“And you used me for your selfish gains.”

I complete, chuckling darkly.

“Dylan.”

“That’s it right?”

“I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to date you. I just wanted to get close to you, befriends and-,”

“Bull. You let me touch you. You went out with me. You said yes. You gave off those signals. You never wanted friendship!”

I exclaim, heaving repeatedly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to go that far at first. I was selfish. Young. Stupid. I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did. Because of you, I haven’t been able to love anyone else properly. I can’t blame you entirely, but you’re the catalyst. You couldn’t even leave a message. You just used me for your gains, blocked me out of your life then packed up and left.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. My parents said the branch was doing well and didn’t need their aid, so we would leave still. I was angry. Hurt.”

“I hurt you?”

I utter in disbelief. Unbelievable.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s a shitty thing. I did a terrible thing.”

My legs are jerking with anger. I’m not sure about the hopes I had when I arrived, but this just annoys me.

It’s fucking crazy. She did everything for her. Her selfish needs. Fuck my life.

“I’m sorry Dylan. I never intended to cause you pain or suffering.”

“You just continued living your life in this new state? Let go of the entire past. Me.”

“Dylan.”

“Answer me.”

I fume.

“I’m not heartless.”

“Debatable.”

I scoff.

“I’m not. I made terrible decisions, but I regretted all of them. I was too engrossed in me to call after a while and I guessed time passed.”

“You moved on Athena. Just say the fucking words.”

I sip from the wine chuckling once more.

“I came here for closure. I need to move on as well. I had theories, but I genuinely thought your parents were to blame. Now I find out it’s all you, I’m not sure what to think. I want to judge you, but I realise I did the things you did as well. Maybe even worse. I could use our past as vindication, but that’ll make me silly. Take responsibility for your actions and the role you played in them. You hurt me. I hurt people. That cycle needed to end, so I’m breaking it.”

I gulp the remaining contents of the glass and set it over the table.

“You’re in love with someone.”

Athena breathes, meeting my gaze once more. I laugh.

“I’d like to think I am, but maybe it’s just a phase. Attraction. My head feels shitty now, so I can’t tell the difference.’

“You’ve hurt her?”

“Yes. More than once.”

I laugh again.

“And you’re still coming back?”

“I keep coming back and hurting her, maybe it makes me a sick bastard and not the guy who loves her.”

I’m surprised at my tone. I don’t sound harsh. I utter those words calmly and it knocks me off balance.

“You’re here for closure to give yourself to her completely. Whether you’re in love with her, that’s not an easy thing to do.”

I giggle.

“I might never earn your forgiveness not erase the things I did to you, but I regretted every horrible choice. If I could take it back, I would.”

“I wouldn’t want you to.”

“If you took away that mistake, everything would be very different. I wouldn’t strive to be the Dylan Emerton I am now. I wouldn’t have met her.”

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

“All this time I didn’t know if I still loved you or hated you for those actions, and now I have my answer. It’s neither. I loved you in the beginning. I loved you as much as a teenager could love a girl. When you left, I had to hate you to stop loving you, but after a while, I just stopped doing both. Now it’s nothing. The realisation is refreshing Athena.”

She blinks back thrice.NôvelDrama.Org is the owner.

“And to answer your question; there’s nothing to forgive anymore. If I were angry, but I’m not. I felt nothing towards you and I don’t mean that as an insult. It’s how I feel now.”

“I don’t know what to say, Dylan. I wasn’t expecting you to come back ever.”

I chuckle and hop off the couch.

“I wasn’t expecting to show up here either, but this chapter of my life needed an ending. I’m satisfied with what I got. I’d have to leave now, but thank you. For your honesty.”

“I’d like to keep in touch this time. I’d like it if we try the friends’ ship again.”

I smile softly.

“I linked my inst to my father’s company’s account. The cards are all yours, but I have a flight to catch.”

“I have to get my girl back.”

I momble the final words to myself.

****

Apologies for not being able to upload for the past two days. I have and will be caught up in work throughout the rest of this month. I can’t assure daily updates but will try to update at least once in two days. I’ll make it up to everyone afterwards.