Leave Me Behind

Ash falls like snow from the burning trees around us, embers flare and twist with each gust of wind. My head throbs and thoughts are scattered. My arms and wrists hurt too.

Explosions shake the earth from a quarter klick or so away. An airstrike? Who are the Ghosts that they have this much airpower in the remote mountains of Labrador? I cough a few times and black soot spills out. How long was I unconscious for?

As my head comes back to me, I realize there is a weight on my back. I try to force my arms beneath me and push myself up, but they won’t move. My eyes widen and panic seeps into my veins.

I try again, this time noticing the bindings around my wrists.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” Bradshaw says callously. He’s draped over me, arms braced over my shoulders. He was protecting me from the explosions with his body, but tied me up while I was out? Cold.

He slowly shifts so he’s lying beside me. His mask is still secure around his face, soot smeared over his eyelids. The back of his gear is burned and dried blood makes his black vest look maroon.

“Bones,” I whisper, my throat stinging instantly.

He doesn’t respond for a moment, just stares at me, wincing with each breath he takes.

He’s a fucking idiot if he can’t see what Ian was. My teeth grind as I think about how he pulled me off that hostile soldier and tried to cut my throat. I knew he was talking to someone else other than Jefferson.

Unfortunately, I doubt Malum will believe me.

My lungs burn and worry seeps into me at the weakness in Bradshaw’s demeanor. He bound my wrists and if he isn’t alert he’ll get us both killed. “Bones,” I hiss louder this time and flex my jaw at the pain that greets my throat.

He refocuses and a rush of relief floods through me. He lifts his head slowly. His body trembles to support the effort but he looks up into my eyes.

“Nell—” He groans out in pain as he says my name, then corrects himself. “Bunny. Where’s—ergh, where’s Eren?” He shifts to his back and splays out his arms, checking for damage.

I sit up and take a moment to check in with my own wounds. My back aches and my toes are numb. My wrists sting from being bound but they aren’t broken. No burns. From the look of him, he looks unscathed as well. We were lucky.

“Bones, you need to untie me⁠—”

“Stop.” He cuts me off. His eyes are cold and more steady now. “Where is Eren?” I regard him for a few moments before shaking my head.

“I don’t know.”

His left eye is bloodshot and the corner of his mask is singed just over the edge of his lips. The breaths he takes are ragged and congested.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck—” Bradshaw curses repeatedly as he pulls off his headset radio. The receiver is smashed. My eyes widen as he checks mine too. It’s useless, the mic snapped off at some point in the chaos.

Bradshaw stares at the broken headsets and a flicker of dread flashes across his eyes. He pushes himself to his knees, wobbly and unstable, before another wave of explosions rumbles over the ground. One lands relatively close and strikes fallen trees. Wood splinters in every direction. I manage to shield my head, ducking it into my shoulder before the worst of it hits us. Bradshaw is already lying back over me, his back toward the blast zone.

This close, his breath is loud and hot against my skin. I can taste the blood in the air as it mixes with the smoke and debris.

“Stay down,” he says, mask pressed to my ear.

I groan at the pain his weight puts on my shoulders. “At least bind my wrists in front of me. It hurts.” He gives me a skeptical look before conceding. He unties me briefly before retying the rope with my arms in front. The pain eases almost instantaneously.

He shifts up and quickly looks around. “Get up, we need to find the others.” We limp back in their direction. He keeps hold on the rope leash connected to my bindings as we trudge through the forest, alight now with multiple fires burning. Thank God for the downpour earlier or the fire would be running rampant through this area. Everything’s so wet and the air is frigid, so a wildfire is unlikely.

Ash falls and smoke rises. The visibility is harrowing and as Bradshaw slows, I fear the worst. My footsteps cease beside him and we stare down at three bodies. My stomach sinks. Please tell me those aren’t our squadmates.

Bradshaw dips to his knee beside them and blows out a relieved breath. “It’s not our comrades.” My shoulders relax and I’ve never been so grateful for a sliver of mercy.

A headset crackles; I barely hear it but the electric sound whines in my ear and draws my attention. I look down and find one of Malum’s radios. It must have been knocked off one of them during the assault.

Bradshaw looks at me and takes the headset from my hands. I glower at him.

It crackles again. “Sergeant, come in.” Bradshaw’s voice is raspy and dry. He listens intently. I can barely make out the other voice but it sounds like Eren. As the voice continues to speak, I watch Bradshaw’s eyes grow darker and duller. He turns his eyes on me and a coldness I’d not yet known settles over him.

“Colt is gone,” he says painfully.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

My chest tightens. If he tells Eren I killed him, I’m done.

Bradshaw shuts his eyes. “It was Bunny.” My jaw slacks. “She said he attacked her⁠—”

He stops abruptly. I can hear Eren yelling but I’m not sure what he says.

Bradshaw lets his jaw tilt down. “Copy that, Sarge,” he says in an eerily calm voice. Bradshaw looks at me like he’s making the hardest decision of his life. Before I can process it he shoves me to the ground. He comes down on me before I can get another word out. His hands wrap tightly around my neck.

“Why did it have to be you?” He scowls in anguish.

I’m helpless with my wrists bound. I can’t fight him off. Bradshaw’s eyes flash with pain as I gasp for air. He releases my throat and pounds his fist against the ground mere inches from my face before dropping his head.

Eren doesn’t care to hear what I have to say? He’ll just throw me away and make his brother do his dirty work?

He shakes his head and sits back up, positioning his hands around my neck once more with more resolve in his eyes.

“You don’t believe me?” I choke out.

He swallows and bites into his lower lip, squeezing harder until my vision starts to blur. Hot tears drip on my cheeks and after another beat, he drops his hands.

“I can’t fucking do it,” he says slowly, sounding so disappointed in himself. Tears roll down over his mask and trickle to my skin. I take labored breaths and struggle to move until oxygen has returned to my brain. The only thing I can focus on is the pain in Bradshaw’s eyes. He’s crying.

The headset clicks beside us and Eren’s voice booms, “Get back to the drop-off zone, Bones! You have two minutes before the pilot takes to the sky. Where are”— gun shots blur out his words—“did you exterminate Bunny?” Bradshaw hears it too and his eyes narrow in agony. It hurts to hear Eren say it so carelessly, like I didn’t mean anything.

Bradshaw looks from the headset back to my bruised throat. A decision solidifies over his features and he sits back on his haunches. I scoot out from beneath him while he’s still acting sane.

The sound of another incoming plane roars through the treetops. Bradshaw doesn’t seem to notice. He looks completely lost in that lovely head of his. I grit my teeth, wrap my hands around his wrist, and drag him up. He grunts when he puts weight on his leg. My own are starting to feel weak already and tremble as I stand straight. I duck beneath his arm and take on some of his weight.

“Are you certain Ian was the infiltrator?” Bradshaw asks between breaths as we limp through the burning forest together. The smoke is thick from the damp pines.

“You think I’d kill him if he wasn’t? I’m trying to keep you alive, Bones. Whoever he told our coordinates to, they were coming to kill you.” We step over a log and he trips. I get dragged to the ground with him but swiftly find my footing again, hauling him up beside me the best I can with my hindered wrists.

“Why Ian?” he says quieter, hurt ebbing in his tone.

Groaning pine trees snap ahead of us and crash into one another, creating a domino effect and taking out surrounding trees. They fall like titans to the ashen ground, some on fire already and others just catching.

The force of the trees uprooting makes us lose our footing and fall to the ground. A widowmaker lands over Bradshaw’s leg and he shouts out in pain. Dust and embers kick up around us like hellfire. I stare into his eyes as he does mine.

Eren’s voice rolls through the radio once more. “Thirty seconds. Get to the drop zone, now!”

Bradshaw studies me, the blood smeared on my mask and my bloodshot eyes. “Go.” His voice is stone.

My brows knit. “What⁠—”

“Go back without me.” I don’t move or blink as I try to process this situation. He adds, “That’s an order, Bun.”

He can see the defiance in my gaze. He knows I won’t.

“I won’t let you die here, Bradshaw. And I can’t return without you.” I dip both arms under the tree and use all my strength to pull it up. He moves out from beneath it and staggers to his feet. He lasts two seconds before falling to his knees.

“Bun, please.” The resolve has gone out of him. Desperation leaks from his pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry. I can’t follow your orders this time, Bradshaw,” I say quietly as I ignore the headset. Eren is shouting and urging Bradshaw to hurry. Another tree falls behind me and throws embers into the air at my back. They reflect in Bradshaw’s eyes as he stares at me, not angry, but sad and remorseful.

We’ll die here together, alone and stranded. We both know it.