Inevitably Yours

MICHAEL

ME

| why are you nervous?

BLUE

| i just don’t understand improv

| and he’s making me do it tomorrow

ME

| you just have to let go. you know the key, play what comes to you

BLUE

| nothing comes

| i need order and structure with clear instructions. it just doesn’t make any sense

| ugh

ME

| i wish was there to help you, but I know you’re going to kill it tomorrow.

BLUE

| i’m glad someone thinks I’m going to. i’m going to squeak or something

ME

| no youre not

| i’ll call you after to talk about your epic solo?

BLUE

| please do

ME

| until tomorrow then

| good night, blue

BLUE

| night I sighed, closing my phone and dropping it onto the pillow next to me. The relief that I felt when I heard her voice or saw her texts pop up on my screen was always tinged with the hopelessness that it was just through the phone. I would have given anything to look over at her in my section playing her first solo. I would have loved to play through the music with her outside of school and see her smile at me over the saxophone’s mouthpiece; the thought of Quinn with a sax was incredibly attractive and stirred more than my imagination.

I closed my eyes and was soon sound asleep with visions of her blue ponytail bobbing in front of me at the parade, the only time I’d gotten to see her play.

–

School and practice went by without anything of note, except for the blonde still waiting outside practice. I still wasn’t sure what to make of that.

BLUE

| going on soon

| Goddess why am I doing this again ??

ME

| because you love it

| just imagine I’m there. play to me

She went quiet, so I assumed the band was starting. Even if it turned out awful, I would have killed to hear it. We could have laughed about it on the way home. I assumed she’d be done by the time I walked in the door at home. So, I opened my phone to dial as I walked in the door. I listened to the phone ringing and waited to hear her voice. I was hoping it would sound happy and more confident in herself. A relieved giggle greeted me when she picked up on the other end.

“So, did you kill it?” I asked, happy to hear her laugh. It sent sparks through me that I’d been trying to suppress for a while.

“I didn’t squeak,” she laughed, although I could hear her voice getting strained like she wasn’t supposed to be talking to me or something.

“That’s a start,” I said. “Are you with your parents yet?” Maybe she didn’t want to talk to me in front of them.

“Oh, uh, no,” she said, a little too evasively. What was going on with her?

“It’s loud,” I said; the sound of people talking around her was starting to make it hard to hear.

“Yea, I am looking for my friends,” she said shortly.

“I was hoping you would have a few minutes to talk,” I told her. I’d been looking forward to talking to her all day, but apparently, that wasn’t reciprocated.

“Come on, Q!” Christy called loudly from somewhere near her. Oh Goddess, if she was around, I could almost guarantee it was why Quinn didn’t want to talk to me. Christy would want Quinn with literally anyone else.

“I can call you later tonight,” she said, her voice getting lower. “I think we are going to get dinner or something.”

“Oh, alright. You should go have fun,” I told her. I couldn’t tell if I should be worried, not that I had any right to be.

“I will call you when I get home tonight,” she said. “Promise.”

“Talk to you later,” I said quietly, sitting in my dark bedroom. I wasn’t sure she even heard me because the click from her hanging up came so fast.

“What was that?” I wondered. She couldn’t wait to get off the phone with me. Everything had been fine.

“Trouble,” Eros growled.

–

“What the f**k do I do here?” I asked Eros, hoping the fledgling wolf within me would have some sage words of wisdom. I didn’t always agree with him, but he was the only one I could talk to about this.

“It depends if you want to know the truth or if you want to put your head in the sand and pretend you didn’t tell her to go live without you,” he answered.

“Your advice sucks.” Only because I knew he was right. Her parents weren’t there, and she’d never been weird about talking to me.

“Ask her. It’s not going to get any better until you do, for better or worse,” Eros pressed.

I sighed heavily. After talking to Quinn earlier, I’d laid back and pulled my guitar into my lap in the dark. I hadn’t moved or done anything but stare at the ceiling and absent-mindedly pluck while humming since she hung up the phone. The hours crawled by slowly as I waited to hear from her. I finally decided Eros was right, so I set my guitar aside and opened my phone. The light from my screen was blinding, and I took a moment to adjust before I could type.

ME

| is something going on?Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

Goddess, did I really want an answer? Several minutes went by with no response, and I wondered if I should go to sleep and deal with this in the morning. I was sure her parents wouldn’t let her stay out this late on a school night anyway. I was probably overreacting. My phone buzzed in my hand, and I stared at it forever. I didn’t know what to say earlier, and it was late. I answered right as it was about to go to voicemail.

“Yea,” I answered, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

“Sorry, I can call some other time,” she shot back immediately.

“No,” I told her. I had to do what Eros suggested and rip off the band-aid. “It’s fine. So, who did you go out with?”

“Christy,” she answered gingerly. “And her mate.”

“Anyone else?” I pushed. She was still being evasive.

“Yea. Um, Jaxx,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. My heart stopped beating, and I could almost hear the deafening silence from Eros. My breath caught in my chest, and I couldn’t make out words. We both knew what she was saying. I sat there with my mouth opening and closing, trying to find words.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered. I cleared my throat, trying to make literally any sound come out of it.

“It’s fine,” I choked out. I could feel the stinging at the edge of my eyes and blinked it away hard. Not now.

I heard the beep of an incoming call to her line. That was probably him. No one ever called this late when we talked.

“Um, I’m getting another call. I have to go,” Quinn said; I could barely hear her now. It didn’t matter; I could feel the space between us growing by the moment.

“Cool. Talk to you later,” I said, not wanting her to hear me crumble and hung up quickly.

That was it; she was gone. I’d pushed her away, and she’d taken no time to listen. Part of me always thought she’d say no, but clearly, that wasn’t happening. If it were a fling, maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much, but this was Quinn. She wouldn’t do casual. If she was telling me his name, it meant she had feelings for him or was at least open to it. The bar didn’t matter to me at all; this would matter to her.

“There goes my reason for going home,” I thought blankly. “I guess he can keep the pack.”

“You don’t mean that,” Eros protested. He was saying the words, but his voice was deflated. He felt it too. What was the point of anything? “Jaxx… Why do I know that name?”

He was right; it wasn’t common. It hit me like a brick in the face, “I asked him to watch over her, not play matchmaker. I’m going to f*****g kill Ricky.”

–

The following day, I was a zombie. I hadn’t slept at all, and I didn’t want to go to school. Not wanting to explain why I wanted to stay home, I went anyways. I threw a hoodie on even though it was only in was a little warm and kept my head down through most of the day. I left my phone at home, not wanting to see it if she tried to explain.

I was asleep in class when I felt a nudge in my ribs. I didn’t move, so they jabbed me sharply with something. I opened my eyes slowly and looked at my assailant to find Austin, a guy I talked to in this class sometimes and around the school if I saw him.

“Hey bro, my parents are out of town tonight, and I’m having a party. You coming?”

I rolled my eyes. In my life, there was only one reason I’d ever gone to parties, and it wasn’t to drink. I wasn’t really interested in banging some girl I didn’t know tonight to continue the cycle.

“Probably not tonight,” I said dismissively.

“Come on, bro. You never come out. What do you even do every day?”

“It’s better than sitting at home thinking about her,” Eros posited.

“My brother is back on break from college, and he’s going to buy us half the liquor store. We can black the f**k out!”

Blacked out didn’t sound like a lousy prospect even though I didn’t usually drink or like the feeling.

“f**k it, text me the address,” I sighed. I wouldn’t remember tonight, at least.

“Bet,” he replied. I laid my head back down into my arms, keeping my head covered in my hood.

–

As I neared the house, the deafening sound of rap music was blaring from inside. The party had spilled out all over the yard, and it looked like the backyard was the same from the little bit I could see over the fence. I waded in through the front door and found Austin playing beer pong in the middle of everything. I didn’t know anyone around us, but he seemed excited enough to see me. He pulled me into partner on the next game, and we won pretty easily. After a few more games, I was starting to feel buzzed, so I went to find a couch to chill on. Austin tried to pull me back into a game, but I waved him off. I hit the kitchen and found a six-pack of apple-flavored liquor and grabbed it to take with me. There wasn’t anywhere to sit inside, so I walked out back and found an unoccupied chair near the pool.

Plopping down into my new seat, I pulled out a bottle and downed it relatively quickly. The apple flavor was sweet, but I hated regular beer. I stewed on my own, watching everyone jump into the pool, get progressively less clothed, and generally f**k around. I wondered if Quinn would eventually end up like one of these girls, just another face in the crowd, but I knew that wasn’t true.

Someone bumped into me hard enough to knock my drink out of my hand, spraying it all over the floor as the glass hit the ground.

“Watch it,” I warned, leaning over to pick up what I’d dropped and looking around for something to clean up with.

“I’m good,” some douchey-looking guy with a group I’d never seen before.

He walked away, so I let it go. Eros wanted b***d, his rope was non-existent right now, but I wasn’t in the mood to drop some random on his head by the pool.

A few minutes went by, and I heard murmurs from around me. The party’s vibe was changing, and I kept seeing people give me looks out of the corner of their eyes. I knew what this was, and I didn’t want any part in it. This would happen at home because everyone wanted to test the Alpha’s kid once they got some alcohol in them. Now, it must be wanting to f**k with the new kid.

I stood up, put my empty bottles back into the cardboard six-pack container, and turned to leave.

Austin came rushing over to me, “Hey bro, you pissed off the QB of the team from another pack. He wants to fight you, and everyone’s taking bets on who would win!”

“He bumped into me, and I didn’t do s**t to him. He can be pissed off; I don’t give a f-“

“Come on, bro, I’ve seen you wrestle walking by your practices. You can f**k this kid up, and it’ll look good that the new guy came through for our school and our pack.”

“I don’t care about this pack, man, or this school. I’m just going to leave.”

“Come on, don’t be a p***y,” I heard behind me.

“I don’t need to prove myself to you, and it’s in your best interest to leave me alone, especially today,” I growled. My fists were clenched, and Eros was ready to go. He was pushing me to put this kid down and shut his mouth.

“I think you do,” he replied, his friends egging him on as he laughed. “Why not today, b***h? That why you’re here all alone? No friends? No girlfriend? What a f*****g loser.”

He reached toward me to push me, and I snapped. I stepped hard, one foot right in front of his feet as one of my arms looped over his and the other grabbed a deep hook under the opposite armpit. As I turned myself away from him and pulled him tightly to be chest to chest, his expression went from laughter to fear. My h*p folded him in half at his own, and his feet swept the air through the h*p throw. I made sure to land hard on his chest to drive all the air from his lungs. Popping up to put my knee in his ribs, I pulled my arm back to start punching him below me, but he just looked pathetic.

I stood up and looked around at everyone, mostly silent, including his friends.

“I told him to leave me alone,” I muttered, turning to leave.

“That was f*****g AWESOME, bro,” Austin yelled, and the volume returned to the party again. I was getting claps on the back and cheering as I tried to escape, but I just wanted out. I hated being forced into these situations.

Before I hit the door, the smell of alcohol hit me hard, and a girl caught me by the arm. She was relatively attractive, spilling out of the top she wasn’t wearing with much success, “Hey, you wanna get rough with me? That was hot!”

I pulled my arm back gently, setting her back from me a little bit, “Thanks for the offer, but not while you’re drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk,” she insisted, twirling her hair.

“Not tonight,” I insisted. It was one of my only rules before Quinn. I didn’t touch girls that were drunk or high. My mom taught me better than that.

“Before Quinn…” I repeated in my head. “What the hell comes after something like her?”

Even Eros didn’t have an answer as I let him take control to get us home.