I want You Deeper

“Could you take this outside to Nicholas?” Brooke’s request was so obvious, she may as well have just said, “Go outside and hang out with Nicholas.” Instead, though, she’d handed Charlie a sheet of paper. Charlie didn’t look to see what was on it.

It was an hour into the welcome reception, and Charlie was restless. She couldn’t put words to why she felt that way. She just knew she wanted to be somewhere else, no matter where she stood in the building. As soon as Brooke asked her to go outside, she identified what was happening here.

She wanted to be outside.

But, more specifically, she wanted to be with Nicholas.

It wasn’t a feeling she was proud of herself for having. She needed to have the willpower to stay away from him right now. It was the best thing to do. But when her entire body seemed drawn to his side, how could she stop it?

As soon as she stepped outside, though, she realized this was much better than being inside the building anyway. It was beautiful out here. She’d toured the area with Brooke while the caterers set up, but it had still been daylight at that time. Now that it was dark, the combination of torch lights and the lake off in the distance made the entire patio area breathtaking.

Nicholas wasn’t alone out here, but he sat by himself, looking out at the water. Clusters of people were scattered around, all engaged in conversation. A couple of them waved at Charlie as she made her way toward where Nicholas sat.

Surprisingly, her heart rate sped up as she drew closer to him. Still? She would have thought that would have died down by now.

Charlie stopped directly in front of him, holding out the sheet of paper.

“Brooke said you needed this.”

He looked down at it briefly before lifting his gaze to meet hers. She noticed he was holding one of the cups they’d set out for the after-dinner coffee they were serving.

“What is it?” he asked.

Shrugging, Charlie looked down at it. “Paper.”

Shaking his head, Nicholas laughed. “What is on that paper?”

“Do you really think I’d violate your privacy like that? What if it’s something Brooke didn’t want me to see?”

Nicholas held out his hand. “Let’s take a look at it.”Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

Getting light on it so he could read it wasn’t easy. The closest torch light emitted a subtle glow over the area-hardly a decent reading light. Finally, he gave up and picked up his phone, which had been on the armrest, activating the flashlight and shining it on the page.

“Oh, you’re right. This is top secret. It’s the itinerary for tomorrow. I’m sure they would hate for you to see this.”

Charlie frowned. “They printed out the itinerary on a piece of paper and had me bring it to you? Didn’t you get the email?”

“Sure.” Nicholas shut off the flashlight and returned his phone to its original position. “I think I’ve gotten every version of it, from the first draft to now. I have no idea why they thought I needed a printed copy. They didn’t say?”

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Charlie moved to sit down on the chair next to Nicholas. He hadn’t invited her, but her feet were tired, and it felt so good to rest them for a minute.

“I think she wanted me to come out here and hang out with you,” Charlie said.

It took some courage for her to say that directly to him. But it suddenly felt like the best possible idea. Maybe his response would tell her, once and for all, that he was not and never would be interested in her.

“She felt bad that I was all alone out here? Makes sense.”

He looked out at the water again, and Charlie moved her gaze there, as well. It gave her something to look at that wasn’t his face. The last thing she wanted to do right now was stare at him.

“I think it was more that she’s playing matchmaker,” Charlie said, her heart rate speeding up again. It had finally calmed down a little. She just hoped her nervousness didn’t show. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed that or not.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Silence followed. So much for getting an idea of how he really felt from this. He was being as vague as absolutely possible.

Charlie decided to push further. “I can have a talk with her if you want.”

Nicholas looked over at her. “I don’t mind. It’s kind of funny. Do you?” Charlie shook her head. “No.” See? She could be vague, too.

After looking out at the water a while longer, he spoke again. “I was just thinking-this is the third weekend in a row we’re spending together. I’m going to have a hard time concocting a reason to spend next weekend with you.”

All the air went out of her. She tried to remember how to breathe as she searched her mind for a lighthearted, still-vague response. He was just teasing. It didn’t mean he actually wanted to spend next weekend with her.

“I’m sure there’s a bar mitzvah or birthday party we could crash.” Charlie flashed him a smile to emphasize the fact that this was just a casual, fun conversation. Nothing serious. “Or we could just figure out where your mom’s going to be and show up there.”

The mood seemed to shift with that statement, making her immediately regret it. He was still looking out at the water, but she felt a tension in the air that wasn’t there before.

“Things are all squared away with my mother now,” he finally said. “Thanks in large part to you.”

Uh-oh. Charlie chewed her lip nervously. Had he found out that she’d had lunch with his mother? How much of their conversation did he know about?

Nicholas continued. “After the wedding, I had dinner with her and made it clear that I can handle my own life. She understands now that if she wants to impress her friends, she needs to do it on her own merits, not mine and Nate’s.”

Again, keeping things light, Charlie smiled. “Well, you can’t really blame her. You give her plenty of reasons to be proud.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him turn to look at her. She felt suddenly self-conscious under his scrutiny.

“Why is that?” he asked.

Charlie frowned. Just how much should she say here? She didn’t want to bare her soul, but it couldn’t hurt to tell him how awesome he was, could it?

“Look at all you’ve achieved.” She gestured as if in doing so, she was indicating everything that surrounded him at all times. “You’re pretty much the definition of success.”

“Whose definition, though? Because not everyone considers success the same thing.”

“I’m not necessarily talking about your money. You’re doing what you love and making a good living at it. You’re one of the most successful entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley-in the country, actually. People list what you’ve achieved as what they dream of being someday. All that.”

Silence again. She wondered if that meant he was considering what she’d just said. Maybe it was scaring him somehow. She didn’t want him to think she was ready to set up a fan page for him on social media or hang pictures of him on her wall. She just wanted him to see himself through the eyes of others.

“Success, to me, is about being surrounded by people who love you. A partner to share everything with, maybe even to marry. At least one or two kids, some friends…all of those things are what I define as success.”

Charlie gulped around the lump that had formed in her throat. Yeah, she could see how all that would matter to him. It mattered to her, for sure. She wanted more out of her life than to just show up at work every day and go home to an empty house.

Suddenly, Charlie realized something. “Work-life balance. That’s the session you’re doing tomorrow.”

“Yes, just after lunch. Everyone will be nice and full and sleepy while I’m presenting. I’ll have to keep things lively somehow. What about you?”

The question was so sudden, it took Charlie a second to figure out what he was asking. What were they discussing? People being sleepy after eating lunch. That couldn’t be what he was asking.

Nicholas, correctly taking her silence for confusion, clarified. “What’s your definition of success?”

Charlie took a deep breath, thinking the question through. There was the real answer, and there was the answer she’d give someone else when asked. Especially someone like Nicholas, whom she seemed to always want to impress. But it was pretty clear this was the end of the road for them. Telling him her plans for the future was one sure way to put a nail in the coffin of this not-so-real relationship.

“Marriage, maybe one or two kids, continuing to work at TravTech.”

Charlie shrugged. “The usual.”

“What do you know? We want the exact same things in life.”

Ignoring the flip in her stomach, Charlie tried to keep her response light. “You want to continue working at TravTech?”

He laughed. “It might be a nice break, but only if you don’t tell all my colleagues where I am.”

“Like that billionaire who hid out on a yacht,” Charlie commented. “You could just hide out in our offices.”

She liked this banter between them. It wasn’t as scary as the serious conversation they’d been having a few minutes earlier. She just had to get through this weekend without having any serious discussions, and then she could forget about him.

Otherwise, she risked getting the “I don’t feel that way about you” speech. She could definitely do without that.