Confused
“You stupid girl! Pick it up, don’t you dare leave a single piece on the floor. I am not moving until you pick it all up!” Aunt RuiZi was screeching at TangShi so loudly it was hurting her already delicate head. Suffering from her first time being drunk, and she was trying to ignore the washing machine stomach or pounding fluffy brain. Auntie her usual mean self and picking out absolutely anything she could to make TangShi’s life hard. If it wasn’t restricting her food, criticizing her hair, clothes or make up, day in and out, then it was finding random things to scold her for, like this.
She was suffering from last night and was being unusually clumsy today. Having accidently walked into aunt who was carrying a glass of water and knocked it out of her hand in passing. The shards all over the floor were mixed with the undrunk water and Xiaosu was screamed at for trying to help her tend to it. Aunt was in a bad mood, as usual, and TangShi was always an easy target.
“I’ll go get a brush and dustpan and some paper towels.” Xiaosu offered as a way of help, but Aunt glared at her with that nasty venom she was good at and Xiaosu quietened right down. She knew better than to intervene when she had been warned off.
TangShi pulled the wastepaper basket from under the nearby table and walked back to the mess glittering the hardwood floor. It was hard to see where all the shards were in the water and began blindly picking at anything sticking up, scratching her fingers as she did so, but Aunt was not sympathetic.
“Don’t be so clumsy. Don’t you drip blood everywhere. I’m cursed to have you living under my roof and now look at the mess you’re making!” Her high-pitched shrill tone was piercing and TangShi jumped. Slicing her index finger on a large piece she was aiming for by accident. Her nerves were already frazzled today, and aunt wasn’t helping.
She tried to stem the blood by pressing her other finger against it and continuing to pick up glass with her other hand, turning to Xiaosu with a sober expression.
“Can you get me some tissues for my hand? So It doesn’t make things worse.” She asked with a gentle quiet tone, hoping aunt would at least allow her something to stop the blood dripping all over the floor.
“Yes, Miss.” Xiaosu didn’t wait to be told she wasn’t allowed and ran off at speed to go find the first aid box, feeling horrible for her Miss Lei. Xiaosu hated seeing her being bullied day after day and hated how indifferent YuZhi seemed about aunts mean temper towards his wife. TangShi was too sweet a girl to throw shade back at the elders, and it infuriated Xiaosu how much she put up with.
TangShi pulled back as a sharp stabbing sensation shot up her pointer finger on her uncut hand and pulled back to stick it in her mouth as fresh blood started seeping from another slice. Aunt looked so furious she might self-implode.
“You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you? Stupid, idiot girl. Clumsy and pathetic, I curse the day they brought you home.” She had hit a new level of shrill, her temper flaring, and she waved a glitter tipped finger close to TangShi’s face as she crouched down, making her flinch but she kept her calm. TangShi had years of practice being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment and didn’t react at all. Doing what she always did, eyes down, face blank and continued to try and finish the task they were yelling at her to do.
The blood wasn’t stopping thanks to the water which was making her hands drip. Small slices looking worse as the blood diluted and ran further on both hands now. She kept trying to proceed but the droplets of red were spreading as they hit the puddles on the floor and tinting them too, so it was starting to resemble a mini murder scene.
“What’s going on?” YuZhi’s hostile tone made TangShi jump with the unexpectedness of it, and Aunt snap her head up to the two approaching male figures that just walked into the hallway. Both men clad in three-piece grey suits and looking like handsome book ends getting off work. YuZhi spotted the mess, the blood around her feet and TangShi’s hands from his angle and his face turned thunderous. Isn’t switching from tired and relieved to be home, to snarling protector.
“Nothing. She broke a glass and now she’s making a mess cleaning it up.” Aunt scoffed in a superior tone, sniffing at TangShi with unconcealed dislike.
“What the hell.” YuZhi was beside her in a flash, hauling her upright and pulling both wrists towards him for inspection. She turned unsteadily on her feet and stepped backwards to right herself with his ungraceful tug. YuZhi grabbed her tighter and yanked her forward so harshly she inwardly gasped, collided with his torso, and realized she would have stepped on remnants in thin slippers had he let her follow through and had saved her feet from massacre too.
“Where’s Xiaosu to clean this up, and why are you naming her pick up glass with her hands? She’s not the maid and this was obviously an accident so why are you punishing her?” YuZhi seemed pissed, not his usual smug and tolerant mood whenever he caught aunt terrorizing TangShi. He was radiating angry energy and kept her close, holding her hand sup between them like she was his prisoner.
“I’m here. I have these.” Xiaosu appeared like an angel, carrying a first aid box in one hand and a brush and pan in the other and beamed when she saw YuZhi cradling her miss and the handsome that is ZhengLi standing behind him looking amused and gorgeous. She knew aunt had no chance of bullying her further while YuZhi was standing up for her.
“She smashed it; she should clean it up!” Aunt RuiZi was not for backing down and enraged that for once, her nephew was not siding with her.
“Look at her hands!” YuZhi snapped right back. His posture stiff and commanding, accusing her and waving TangShi’s wrists her way as though she needed a visual reminder.
“Self-inflicted and looking for sympathy. Don’t be manipulated and drawn in!”
“Are you kidding me right now? Her hands are important to her. She’s an artist, who paints and draws. She wouldn’t do anything like this just to make you feel bad. She isn’t like that!” YuZhi was incensed that his aunt was being this cruel, while turning TangShi back to him to stem the bleeding by holding them upright as Xiaosu opened up the first aid kit.
“Here…. Let me.” Xiaosu made an attempt to guide TangShi towards her with a gentle hand on her arm, but YuZhi tugged her back to him with a determined frown.
“Take it all through to the sunroom. I’ll do it. Come on TangShi.” YuZhi pulled her with him, not letting go, staring his aunt down in passing with a shake of his head, who was spitting nails she was so angry. YuZhi always sided with her no matter what tantrum she was having and had never openly defied her like this before. It made her loathe the stupid girl even more and she would be sure to complain to Rhea and have her scold him.
TangShi didn’t know what to say, dumbfounded by the change in him, and allowed him to guide her at speed, aware of the hateful looks aimed her way as they abandoned Aunt RuiZi in the hall. She knew she would suffer for YuZhi sticking up for her the second he left the house again but for now, TangShi was oddly touched.
She glanced at his side profile meekly as they walked, her stomach warm and fluttery and emotional that he intervened and was acting like he cared for once. Her normal defensive wall that rose whenever he showed face was wavering and she was reminded of the sweet boy he seemed so long ago. This wasn’t because they were in public and on show either, he seemed to really want to help and tend to her wounds.
He put her in the nearest seat as they walked into the spacious glass house, sliding the first aid box from Xiaosu’s hands. He put it on the low table beside TangShi and motioned for the housekeeper to go back and tend to the mess with minimal words and a hand wave. YuZhi was simmering a bad mood after coming back to witness this, visibly riled, while ZhengLi strolled in casually behind them with a smile on his face. Amused at YuZhi’s natural reaction to an injured TangShi when they arrived and mentally added another tick to his ‘will YuZhi fall for TangShi’ scoreboard.
“Auntie has retired to her room with a headache. You’re probably being written out of her will as we speak. Naughty nephew. And here she thought you were her favorite.” He poked fun and wandered off to sit on one of the wicker seats opposite to watch YuZhi play doctor.
“Don’t move.” YuZhi ignored the comments and worked on TangShi’s hand as she sat in silence. Subdued and pale, she watched in numb quiet and seemed like a wounded animal knowing their savior was trying to help. It tugged at YuZhi’s chest painfully.
Drying her skin first, before using sterile rub and cotton to clean them thoroughly, he applied band aids to the worst of them. With so many it took him a few minutes and TangShi patiently held still without making a murmur at all.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.
“Where is the sassy attitude you give me when facing other people, huh? You can stand up for yourself. I’ve seen you do it.” YuZhi scolded under his breath, although his voice had no real hints of anger. He was frustrated that this whole thing was making him feel weirdly enraged.
“She’s my elder, and your aunt. She runs this house. It’s easier to let it go.” TangShi mumbled, keeping her focus on her hands and not on him leaning in at her so their heads were almost touching. His proximity was doing weird things to her emotions, her stomach was unsettled with butterflies, her skin prickling with every soft touch of his warm hands.
“So? If she’s bullying you, say something. Don’t take it from anyone. Especially not in this house.”
“That’s ironic coming from you.” TangShi whispered, amused by YuZhi’s obvious mood and yet couldn’t believe his hypocrisy. Him of all people in this house, spent weeks trying to goad her and cause trouble. He had sat by and done nothing about his aunt for weeks and now here he was, lecturing her.
YuZhi quietened for a second while he finished dressing the last of her cuts, after inspecting the deepest thoroughly and deciding it wasn’t in need of stitches. He held her fingers for a long moment as though still examining them for others, keeping his eyes averted but aware of her nearness too. His temper finally calming now she was dealt with and none of them were as serious as they looked when he first walked in.
He knew it was time he laid some ground rules with his aunt and stopped this ongoing petty behavior. It was amusing at first when he hated everything about her being here and wanted to see her suffer. As time went on though, and after he made her cry, it didn’t entertain him or give him the same kick as it had and instead, he felt slightly sorry for her. Even TangShi eating that awful diet had lost the fun factor and he hated watching her bland meals every time he ate at home.
He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but even before he found out she was Alice, he had started to get used to this situation and her presence. Started to see that she wasn’t some manipulative or spoiled god digger who coerced him to get what she wanted. She was almost a girl who tried to be invisible in her own life and avoided conflict with those around her so she could hide away in peace.
YuZhi had even begun to be thankful that TangShi had a quiet personality and was respectful and obedient when it came to his family. She didn’t cause him drama, and lately with all the arguing and tears from Rhea, coming home to her in the evening always felt peaceful. A relief. Even when they bickered and tried to get a rise out of each other. He knew he had mellowed towards her; he knew he wasn’t as hateful as before.
TangShi had a calming aura, a sweetness about her that told you she probably was a caring and loyal person if you gave her the chance. Maybe it was because she wasn’t someone who would hurt out of malice or be cruel intentionally that got him so pissed when he saw her bleeding all over the floor and enduring his aunt screaming abuse at her downturned head. In that moment she had looked exactly like that girl eight years ago when he had been drawn to her vulnerability.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He uttered, losing himself in thought while still turning over her delicate little hand in his and smoothed over the biggest band aid with his thumb as softly as he could. TangShi trembled at the alienness of how he touched her and shrugged, tensing all over.
“Tell you what?” She was confused by this. Wondering if he meant tell him that Aunt was horrendous to her at every opportunity. Surely he knew it. He’d seen it before today.
“Who you were….. that you were Alice.” He murmured it, looking up as he caught her head snap up, softly gasp, and she widened her eyes at him in shock. Her heart catapulting to her mouth because she had no memory of telling him she was. Her brain racked through the night before when she began to feel really drunk and cursed herself as a slight recollection came back to her. A memory of asking him about the bridge. Her face heated with embarrassment, and she hesitated before pulling her hands out of his and nervously touching her Band-Aids to cover her reaction.
“I didn’t think I had to tell you… I …. I just assumed it wasn’t important.” She stuttered, her heart pounding like a drum and her brain going haywire that they were actually talking about the one subject that could cut her to the core. She had avoided telling him for multiple reasons, but one was this exact awful confrontation. Her heart didn’t know how to cope with it.
ZhengLi perked up over in his quiet bubble, hearing his bestie finally broach the one topic he had been waiting on, and smiled like the Cheshire cat, leaning forward to hear better. Ready for some progress and trying hard to stay inconspicuous.
“Why Alice? It’s not your name? Why didn’t you ask me why I didn’t show up? Why not ask me if I remembered?” YuZhi spewed out the words in a manner that wasn’t his usual style as nerves seemed to invade him from nowhere and he found himself wringing his hands together before rubbing them on his thighs. Instant clammy skin and a tightness in his throat. Uptight in a flash and having palpitations for the first time in his life. He didn’t understand his own physical reaction to asking her these questions.
TangShi blinked at him, stupefied with the interrogation, and still reeling from the shock of him putting it out there between them.
“Alice is my …….” She sighed, grasping for the words to explain, fidgeting under his scrupulous focus on her face. “Linlin named me ‘Alice through the looking glass’ when we first became friends, because she felt it suited me. It was a silly nickname which stuck, and I used it for a while when I didn’t want people knowing I was from the Lei family. You know how that can be. Now it’s my artist pseudonym, Alice Lin. A nod to Linlin, the person who pushed and supported me to even start selling my art.” TangShi shrugged again, a habit borne of nerves and feeling hemmed in as her face blushed increasingly and she was sure she must be pink right up to her temples. Avoiding his eyes and biting on her lower lip and wishing he wasn’t this close to her when she was struggling to stay calm.
YuZhi mirrored her mannerisms subconsciously, biting his own lip and looking away for a moment.
“My father died. That night….. A car wreck. It’s why I didn’t show, and I didn’t know how to contact you. I Didn’t forget, I just didn’t recognize you. You’ve changed.” He blew out the breath he had been holding, finally engaged eye contact again and swallowed hard. “I Don’t even know why I’m explaining or bringing this up now, it’s just….. you made it clear who you were and it’s bothering me. We had no closure back then, I guess.” YuZhi, the normally cool, composed, and confident heir of the Leng family, was reduced to that teen boy who felt out of his comfort zone, weirdly angsty and couldn’t keep his focus on her. Maybe it was because the subject brought up old pain and regrets and unearthed long forgotten feelings. It was awkward for them both.
“I’m sorry about your father. I Didn’t know that’s how he passed, or when. I’m sorry. It makes sense that you left in a hurry and had your mind on other things. I was just a girl you didn’t really know.” TangShi didn’t know what else to say, and her words brought YuZhi to a halt, his gaze fixing on her as he stared at her blankly for what felt like an eternity. She couldn’t read him at all, and his emotions were masked completely.
He was looking for more of a reaction in her manner and eyes than what she was saying, a glimmer of residual something. He finally exhaled heavily seeing nothing and looked away, glimpsing over his shoulder to see his friend still listening intently with a wry smile on his annoying face. He shook his head at him, narrowed his eyes and turned back to TangShi.
“It’s the past, right? We were kids and many years have gone by. I’m sorry I stood you up. I regretted it for a long time, but……. Here and now, Rhea is the girl I will go back to. She’s my future. This changes nothing but I didn’t want to ignore it. I hope we can go on from here on in on a better footing and try to get along.”
His words were reasonable and expected yet they cut TangShi’s soul in a way she never expected. A slicing stab in her chest that made tears prick the back of her eyes and she smiled to hide it as she inhaled slowly and put on a brave face. She always knew Rhea was the end goal, and the thought of trying to be amicable was something to be happy about but it still stung. It was stupid and made no sense to her.
“I know that. And Rhea is my friend whom I want to see happy. I don’t want to keep fighting with you. I Don’t want to make her sad either. I just want to do what’s asked of me and then get on with my life when it’s over.” TangShi looked down at her hands timidly and subconsciously curled them up together, making her appear small and vulnerable with such a childish mannerism. Trying to ignore a huge bridge she would have to cross one day in giving up the baby she would give birth to for him. She didn’t want to face that yet.
“Right. So maybe we can start over. Try to be friends? I mean from here on in, we have to publicly date and be seen together a lot. It’ll be easier if we can get along.” YuZhi nodded, as though this was the perfect solution, and they were agreeing to leave eight years ago behind them. Agreeing to leave their weird war of the past two months on the floor to start anew. Watching her and ignoring hi own torn and confused emotions as they grew up inside like a tornado.
“We can try. I just want to get through this without being miserable.” She smiled weakly, for once not reaching her eyes when she blinked back up at him and her tone was tinted with an unmistakable sadness that cut YuZhi to the bone. He couldn’t deny it when it was right there in front of him.
It had never bothered him before if she was unhappy living here or how things were turning out, until now. He had brushed her aside, ignored her, been mean when he could and been the biggest source of teasing her and finding ways to make her upset, and he knew this. Finding out who she was had been like a slap in the face and made him see her in a new light entirely. He could no longer separate her form that vision of eight years ago, no matter how he tried, and he couldn’t be cruel to Alice.
“I’ll try harder.” YuZhi relented, sticking his hand out to solidify the deal.
TangShi stared at his tanned large palm for a few seconds before coyly sliding hers into it. He closed his fingers snugly around hers, being careful not hurt her wounds. They shook hands as though confirming a business deal, and even though that’s what this was and had started as, YuZhi lingered, holding her there. For some reason, now they had laid things out on the table, and he could no longer deny who she was, or what she had once been to him, he felt even more anxious. Like something was wrong about this whole thing and he didn’t know how to shake it off.