Finding Forgiveness

He stared at me for a few seconds, “To give up on it implies that I ever believed in it in the first place.”

“Well shit,” I stated. “No wonder you’re how you are.”Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

“What is that supposed to mean, Blanca?” he asked raising an eyebrow as his tone hardened again.

For a moment, I had seen another side to Andrea. More personable, softer… perhaps even human. But he’d gone with my accidental slip of disrespect.

“Nothing,” I mumbled quietly as I rested my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes.

I waited until I was sure he was asleep again before slowly sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

Curiosity wasn’t stopping me from sleeping. It was the thought of my children now having spent an entire month and a half without their mother and of how desperately I missed them and their father.

The more I sat and thought as that intolerable man slept beside me, the more I began to choke on my own grief. Soon enough I was unable to contain my tears and shaking so I fumbled my way into the bathroom and leant against the wall trying to control my breathing.

I let out broken sobs as the agony consumed my every muscle. Sliding down the wall so that I was positioned in a ball by the sink, I allowed the tears to flow.

This wasn’t a rare occurrence. Almost every night in fact. It had been weeks and the most insufferable thing was that I was beginning to lose faith in Leo. The hope that he would find me was the only thing keeping me going but he hadn’t yet and it felt as though he never would.

“If you are going to cry, can you at least do it quietly?” Andrea asked as he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.

I looked up at him in his single pair of shorts and nothing else before returning to my uncontrollable sobs.

He grunted before dragging himself into the bathroom and to the toilet on the other side of the room. He lifted the seat and for a short moment, the only sounds filling the room were his urine hitting the water and my snuffles.

When he was done, he washed his hands and then crouched down so that his face was pretty much level with mine. “I miss my home and my family,” I replied truthfully as I wiped my eyes. “And my mate. I miss him so so so much.”

His jaw clenched and he inhaled deeply.

“You’ll get over it,” he said monotonously before standing up and leaving the bathroom.

“Can I phone him?” I asked hopefully.

“No. How is that supposed to help you get over it?” he asked from the bedroom. “Now come back to bed.”

I pushed my head against the sink and allowed more tears to roll.

“I won’t be able to sleep and I’ll only keep you awake, Andrea,” I replied, willing to use any excuse not to get back in the same bed as him.

I heard the draw of his nightstand open before his heavy, disgruntled footsteps marched back towards the bathroom.

“Open your mouth,” he ordered crouching down in front of me again.

“What are you-” I began before he grabbed my face in his hand and shoved a pill in my half-open mouth.

“This will help you sleep,” he said lifting me off the floor. A weird sense of tiredness engulfed me, one I hadn’t felt in a long while. Suddenly, the prospect of sleep felt very appealing.

The next morning I felt like literal death. My lips were so dry that as I slowly parted them to let fresh air into my stale mouth, the skin on my lips pulled and peeled. I tried to grasp for the glass of water by the bed but my entire body was too limp, but somehow also stiff, to even move. So with my corse throat itching to be soothed I just lay like a corpse shrouded in the sheets of the bed, trapped in the coffin that was my life right now. Just like a morgue, the room was empty of any other life too which was the only real positive here. Andrea was gone and although company is usually beneficial in times of despair, I’d rather be on an isolated desert island than with him.

Despite my severe lack of motivation and will power, I was eventually able to sit up and chug the water which instantly brought me halfway back to life. Brushing my teeth and showing helped too and soon enough, I had enough strength to go to the library. The first book I picked up being the ‘Drugs for Dummies’ where I researched exactly what the fuck Andrea had forced into my system the previous night.

“The boss wants you in his office,” Chico said entering the library and hour later.

I closed my book and leant back into the chair.

“Immediately.”

“Tell him I still have an unhealthy amount of… benzod… iazepines in my body,” I said looking back in the book at the section on what I believed to be the culprit of how shitty I felt.

He looked at me with a confused expression for a short moment before brushing it aside, “Don’t make him come up and get you,” was all he said before disappearing again.

Not wanting to be eager, I waited a minute or two before slowing going downstairs and towards Andrea’s office.

“Good morning, Ella,” he said to me as I entered. “How are you feeling?”

“Like utter shit.”

“But you slept like a baby?” he replied with a mischievous grin.

I scowled and turned to the door.

“Hey, did I say you could leave?” he asked. “Sit the fuck down, Blanca. I need to ask you some questions.”

After a short sigh to make my dissatisfaction known, I sat down on the opposite side of his desk as he reached into a drawer.

“So,” he began. “My plan to kill your mate and take over the Stella back and consequently the rest of North America has been brought forward.”

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

“He’s causing me more issues than I anticipated so his death date has now been scheduled for ASAP,” he continued.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked in a hoarse tone.

“Because…” he said pulling four pictures out of the drawer and putting them in front of me. “You are going to help by giving me information on these men.”

The four pictures were of Blair, Luca, Max and strangely Luciano. Of course, I knew Luciano’s picture was at least four years old considering Leo had killed him four years ago but judging by the chubby baby cheeks on Luca and innocent expression of Max’s face, I would guess that they were all old photos. In Blair’s picture, he was stood by a car that he hadn’t even had since the first year I was with Leo which was now seven years ago.

“These men are some of the most important leaders of the Stella pack, right? In order to even get close to the Alpha, I’ve got to first target those he relies on most and to do that, I need information,” he said. “As Luna, I presume you knew them pretty well?”

I shrugged, “My mate preferred to keep me out of pack affairs.”

“Hm. Of course,” he replied staring me straight in the eye. “But I don’t need to know pack affairs. I want personal details. Their full names, their mates, their children, their personalities, their weaknesses. Tell me everything.”

“I won’t help you try to kill my mate and my friends,” I stated folding my arms. “I don’t care what you do, I will protect them.”

Andrea sighed, “I knew this would be a problem.”

He then got up and came around to my side of the desk before sitting on it in front of me and resting his chin on his hands.

“You know that you don’t have a choice, right?” he asked. “And we both know the lengths I will go to get the information out of you if you refuse.”

I glared for a few moments before standing up, scraping the chair back along the floor as much as possible.

“I’m not doing this,” I said.