Find Me Alastar

“I think it’s Soft Cell,” I murmur.

“Is it?” Travis asks as he quickly Googles Soft Cell.

I continue to doodle on my paper.

“Yes,” he whispers. “She’s got it. That’s it.”

We have a few more rounds and are appalling; we are all fighting over the answers we are giving.

“Have you been there?” Travis asks me from his seat next to me on the lounge.

I frown as I look up. “Where?”

He points to my doodle on my paper with his pen. “Ashford Castle.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

He points to my doodle again. “That’s the family crest for Ashford Castle you are drawing.”

What?

I frown. “Are you sure?”

He shrugs and starts typing in his phone. “Looks like it to me.”

What the fuck? I have been drawing this shield since I arrived in London, long before I went to

Ashford Castle.

“Yep, that’s it. I thought it was.” Travis smiles proudly. He shows me his phone and, sure enough, the

exact symbol I have been drawing is the family crest. Goosebumps scatter up my arms and the hairs on the

back of my neck stand to attention. Holy shit. What’s going on?

I sit back in my chair in shock. I don’t get it.

How could I know that?

What does this mean?

I need to go. I quickly look around for an exit. “I got to go, guys,” I croak as I feel my world begin to

spin. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like I may go into cardiac arrest at any moment.

“Oh, fuck off. Sit back down,” they all cry.

“No, really. I’ve got to go.” I hand my trivia card over to Deirdre. “Here, you finish for me.”

I turn around in a daze and start to stumble from the pub.

What the hell is going on?

I t’s 2am and I am sitting at my desk reading through the Google information on Ashford castle I have

collected. My mind feels like I have taken an upper… it won’t stop spinning or darting from idea to

idea, from verdict to verdict. Unsure what is real and what just exists in my head anymore, I’m officially

completely confused. But at the same time, I feel clarity, as if there is something I know but am just

missing that final missing jigsaw piece that will show me it clearly. I click on another link as I try to find

old plans of the castle to try and work out where that staircase I knew about led to.

How did I know that was there?

If I knew the family crest without realizing, I must know other stuff, too. I know it’s there in my head, I

just have to find it.

Why is it in my fucking head in the first place?

Why did Alastar send me the drawing pad and the letters? Why those particular things?

I flick though my notepad of lead pencil drawings, and I study each one of them carefully.

There is no such thing as a doodle, Alastar had said when he first saw this pad. What if he was right?

What if the things I drew were true? This family crest-I had no idea what it was when I was drawing it,

and yet it turns out that it is connected to me in some way. The staircase… where did the staircase lead?

Fuck, think, Emerson, think. I flick through my notepad again to look at the barn and the farm. I tap my

fingers on the desk as I study it. I turn the page to the little girl. Who the hell is she? Is she dead? My eyes

widen.

Is she a dead child?

Oh my fuck, I’m getting delusional now. I sit with my head resting in my hand and think as I flick my

pencil back and forth with my free hand. Who would know history? Who would know the history of the

castle? Where would I get old plans from?

I take out my notepad and carefully write myself a list of things to do tomorrow.

Contact Ashford Castle and see if they have an historical society.

Track down plans for Ashford castle.

Search deaths of people who lived in the castle.

Try and find out who the little girl is.

Contact a psychic and see if this thing is real or in my head.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Search records for Ashford Castle cemeteries.

I narrow my eyes as I think. I just wish I had taken photos of the women’s things in Alastar’s basement

because then maybe I could have tracked whose things they were? I add to my list.

Find out the history of Alastar’s house and find out when the basement was soundproofed.

(God knows how I do that.)