Thirty Eight
It seemed so long ago since they laughed and played like this. “Don’t burn it, if you do, I’ll have a real reason to throw up.”
“What will it be, ma’am, well done, done, medium rare, or rare?” He held his arm up like a waiter. She was about to answer before she started to seriously think about it. Lately, the smell of blood seemed to rouse her, she used to find it appalling.
“Medium rare.”
He was shocked, she shocked herself too when the words came out of her mouth.
His brow creased. He didn’t move. “Are you sure? I thought you hated the smell of blood, let alone the sight of it.”
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He turned and walked to the kitchen, he still doubted her choice, but she was sure. She was getting hungrier, more aroused as she thought about it. She shook her head and laughed, as if she wasn’t weird enough!
“What’s so funny?” Ash called out from the kitchen.
“Nothing, I’m just happy.”
“That’s wonderful. Your happiness means a lot to me.” His voice was softer.
He was in a good mood, she was tempted to ask him about the diner, but she didn’t want to spoil the moment. She fidgeted on the couch; the questions were itching to shoot out of her mouth.
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“Ash?” She kept quiet and waited for him to respond. Lee, just shut up. You are going to ruin everything, again.
“Hmm?” There it was the open door. She was going to regret this.
“Are you ever going to tell me about what happened?” She closed her eyes and waited; it was too late to take it back.
“Tell you about what-” He stopped. The cheer in his voice gone, he’d realized what she was asking.
“I just want to know everything about you, know you, like you know me.”
“Why is it so important to you? Isn’t my loving you enough?” His voice was cold and harsh.
“You know the person you love, inside and out. I love someone who doesn’t trust me enough to let me love him completely. So yes, it is important to me.” She held her breath, expecting his usual reaction.
After a lengthy silence he responded, his voice softer, but strained, “Okay. I’ll tell you.” Lee let the breath out. “Only when the time is right. Maybe after next week, you have enough tormenting you and with your finals around the corner. It would be cruel to add on to it.” It came out like a whisper, his voice even more strained.
She was about to ask him what he meant by that, but she’d pushed him far enough. She rose from the couch and walked to the kitchen. He looked frozen over the stove, his head low and his shoulders collapsed in defeat. She walked to him and wrapped her arms around him, hugging his back.
“I’ll wait. Thank you.” She held him tighter. “By the way, I love you too, and I’m sorry about pushing you all the time. I just…I just need to know.”
He traced his fingers over her arms. It left a shiver behind. Her heart fluttered. She’d missed that. “I understand. I just hope you’ll still love me once you know.” He sounded like he was dreading it. It made her uncomfortable.
“Trust me as long as you keep loving me as annoying as I can be sometimes, and you keep driving me crazy with your touch, I’m all yours.”
He chuckled, but the dread was still there. “Promise?”
“Promise, just don’t burn my meat.” He laughed louder this time.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She’d gotten what she wanted-well she was half way there-the love of her life was in her arms, and she was happy. That’s until she closed her eyes. She pressed herself against him, hoping he would keep the nightmares away that night.
“Hey, did you fall asleep?”
She had dozed off a bit, still holding Ash while he finished cooking. He turned the stove off and stood very still waiting for her to answer.
“No,” she lied, but the fatigue in her voice gave her away. He turned slowly to face her, and then he held her against his chest.
“If you sleep standing, you are going to fall over.” He laughed when she looked up at him with sleepy eyes. He pushed her backward into a chair, and then placed the steak in front of her. “Bon Appetite,” he said that as if he expected her to cringe away from the meat.
The raw scent woke her up. She was salivating. Ash sat across from her and watched as she tore into the steak.
“Wow, I didn’t know I was that great a cook,” he sounded surprised pleased with himself. She swallowed and cut another piece.
“Actually it’s a bit over cooked.” She put the piece in her mouth, relishing its bloody taste.
“What! What do you mean overcooked! It’s almost raw!” He was surprised, and before he could say anything else, she put a piece in his mouth. He chewed slowly; his eyes seemed to flash awake. He licked his lips after he swallowed.
“You’re right, it is a bit over cooked,” he said, a bit tense, the reaction was a little over board to what she’d expected. “Lee, are you sure you’re okay?”
She put her fork and knife down on the empty plate, sad that it was over so soon and hungry for more. She looked up, his brow was creased, his lips curved downward, this wouldn’t be a good time to ask for more. She sipped at her water, washing down the blissful taste, and then she stood up and sat on his lap.
“You worry too much.” She placed a light kiss on his nose, caressing the back of his neck, feather fingered. Then she leaned down and kissed him. The taste of him was intoxicating. He placed his hand on her back, pressing her hard against him, while the other pulled at her thigh, rubbing and digging into it with his fingers. He then pulled away, trying hard to catch his breath.
“What is it now!” she complained as she pulled his lips back.
“You are tired, and you need your sleep.”
She ignored him, chewing his ear instead.
“Lee! I swear you are going to kill me one day!”
He slid from under her and left her on the chair. He put a good ten feet between them. She sighed; she was never going to win with him.
“Fine, let’s go to bed.” She stood up, but then he took another step back.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said cautiously.
“What! Why?”
“If you attack me in your room, I won’t be able to control myself, and you need your rest.”
Her lips curved up in a mischievous smile. “I won’t honest!” Trying to sound innocent only made things worse.
“Lee!” Ash was flushed. The temptation of making love again was obviously killing him and she wasn’t making it easy to control himself.
She laughed. Seeing him trying to control his urges was hilarious. “Okay, I promise I won’t do anything that will raise your blood pressure.”
She moved past him and walked to her room. Something stopped her at the door. Fear.
Ash came up behind her and held her. He’d sensed it. “I’m right here. Don’t be scared.”
“I hope you’re prepared. I’ll scare you more than I do myself.” She swallowed hard, trying to control her anxiety.
“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll fight your demons together.” He lifted her and put her in bed. He drew her into his arms under the covers and placed her head on his shoulder. “Sleep, I’ll keep you as safe as I can, nothing’s going to hurt you.”
The reassurance comforted her, but she knew the truth, no one could protect her from her own mind. She closed her eyes and held on to Ash waiting for the nightmare to start.