Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 0507

I look at Ava's house, and it's just as I remember it. Nothing has changed, and it's still the same. I know this is a different house, but looking at it takes me back to years ago, when things changed after dad died.

I remember coming to her house to spew nonsense because I felt like I was losing Rowan all over again, and it was her fault. God, I am ashamed of the bullshit I said and did to her. The way I instigated her and when she stood her ground and fought back, I went back to Rowan and lied.

I had been jealous of her. Jealous that even though Rowan hadn't treated her well, he had spent almost a decade married to her. It also grated me that he had been faithful to her despite the fact that he didn't love her. We never slept together when we were dating, but I know men. There is no way he would have been celibate for nine years.

Back then, it felt like daggers in my heart when I thought of them sleeping together. I knew it happened even without Ava rubbing it in my face. In my head I thought it would have been better if he had cheated on her and had mistresses. It would have hurt less.

I wanted to cause trouble because I was hurt. There we were with a second chance, yet it seemed like Rowan's thoughts were consumed by Ava. He tried hiding it, but I knew him, and I knew he thought of her most of the time. It grated on me the way he would run to her every time there was trouble. She tried pushing him out of her life except when it concerned Noah, but he stood still.

The day he almost crushed my hand after we had dinner, and he saw Ava and Ethan had been the worst. It's on that day that I started realizing that maybe I'd already lost him. It pained me to see him so jealous of Ethan. Jealous in a way I've never seen Rowan before. Sure, he'd get jealous when boys flirted with me back when we dated, but not on that level. Rowan looked livid and ready to tear Ethan's head for merely touching his ex-wife.

The fact that I also kept going back to Calvin for sex behind Rowan's back should have been proof that maybe wasn't invested in our second chance as I thought I was. After all, if I truly wanted things to work out with Rowan, shouldn't I have given up Calvin? Yet I didn't. I didn't stop sleeping with Calvin until he ended things between us. Looking back, I think that the reason I held on to Rowan even when the signs were there that we didn't belong together is because I wanted him as a trophy. A trophy to prove to Ava that she hadn't taken him away from me. That Rowan still belonged to me. I know it's horrible, but deep down I know that it's the truth. Rowan was like a toy Ava stole from me. I wanted him back. After all, even as a child, I never liked sharing, nor did I like others getting what's mine.

I laugh internally at how absurd things were. I held on to Rowan for almost a decade only to realize at the end that I didn't actually love him and neither did he. It's sad that we lost a decade running after a dream when we could have been with the people we belonged to.

"Emma?" I am pulled out of my thoughts by Travis' voice. "You've been zoned out, just staring at the house. I asked if you were ready."Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Taking a deep breath before releasing it, I pull my mind back to the present. "Just got lost down in memory lane for a bit."

His brows furrow as he looks at me in concern. I didn't want him to stress, thinking I was reverting to a depressed state.

*I am okay, I promise," I assure him by grabbing and squeezing his hand in assurance. Cóntent from NóvelDrámá!!

"Like Travis asked," mom pauses, her eyes searching mine. "Are you ready for this? Cause if you are not, we can just go back home right now."

I chuckle. "I know what you are trying to do, and it won't work. I am coming back to live with you, mom."

"But I've gotten used to having you around. It will be lonely," she pouts, and that just makes me and Trevor laugh because it's a first. She looks cute, though.

"I was always in my room and rarely left it. You were basically living alone."

She waves her hand, dismissing what I said. "That doesn't count. It's your energy that does. I felt your energy and presence and that was enough."

*I'm staying. Remember, why am I doing this?" I tell her, grinning.

Before she can come up with more absurd notions, I open the door on my side and get out. I approach the house before using the key Ava gave me to open the door and let myself in.