Diary of Fragile Heart (Spin of Loving You Too Long)

I just looked at him silently. Could he deduce my feelings after everything I’ve said?

“Do you forget what you said to her before?” Freddie looked at me sharply. I furrowed my brow, trying to remember and guess Freddie’s question. “I hope you remember the last birthday party of Ignazio we attended before you decided to go to Germany.” He reminded, and I furrowed my brow even deeper. It happened almost six years ago.

“Abigail asked us. Me, you, and a guy who claimed to be 28 at that time. About our opinion on having relationships with girls his age. And you clearly said NO.”

I remembered my words back then.

“The answer is clear. It feels like marrying your own niece. I prefer girls who are not much younger. At least, their mindset won’t be too conflicting. A decade of difference has a lot of impact. From personality, hobbies, and learning styles, they will surely be different.

While in a relationship, the main foundation is communication. We can’t compromise and act immature just to balance ourselves with a younger partner. Conversely, you can’t pretend to be mature just to match us. Older men.

And other complicated issues will arise because of one factor. Age. Even though those of the same age may not necessarily be conflict-free. But in terms of communication, it feels more comfortable.”

“Damn!” I cursed harshly, looking at Freddie who smirked in my direction. “I really uttered a harsh sentence.” I was aware of that. “Not intending to defend myself. But my intention back then was to make them realize that it wasn’t the time for them to deal with love affairs like that.

“I mean, they were still teenagers. Even if they wanted to experience falling in love, I hoped they’d fall in love with someone their own age. I thought their feelings were just puppy love at that time.” And indeed, I thought so back then.

“Maybe that was what you meant. But at that moment, I clearly saw with my own eyes the change in Flavia’s expression. She was heartbroken because of your words. For her, whose love was beginning to grow at that time, it was like an indirect rejection. And your words hit hard.” Freddie looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher. I stared back at him in confusion. “I don’t know exactly when you realized that she liked you. But for sure, since then, I believe she gave up on you.

“Maybe that’s why she didn’t accompany you to the airport and avoided you with various excuses for the past five years. Because she knew that her feelings for you would never be reciprocated. That her love-which you thought was just puppy love at the time-would not have the ending she hoped for. And she tried to erase it all.

“Perhaps the man she’s arranged to be married to is someone she feels can replace you. And I think he’s a reasonable guy. So it’s not his fault. Because clearly, all of this is because of you.”

“Oh God..” my chest felt tight. Could it be that what Freddie said was what Flavia felt? So all of this started because of my mistake? I avoided her to give her time without realizing that I had previously rejected her with my words?

And now what? Should I just let her go? Is it true that she no longer has feelings for me when I feel that what I have for her is the love of a man for a woman?

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Angry at myself and my foolishness. My chest felt painful. It even felt like crying and lamenting my stupidity. But no tears came out.

“What should I do know?” I looked at Freddie, silently pleading for him to help me.

“What do you want right now?” He countered.

“I want her,” I honestly replied.

“In that case, fight for her. After all, it’s just an engagement,” he replied casually. Fight? Wasn’t that the word Abigail used? “Why? Are you not confident in yourself?” His question shifted my focus.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

I shook my head quickly. “Not that. I just remembered what Abigail said.”

“What did she say?”

“Flavia needs expressions. She just needs to be fought for,” I repeated Abigail’s words.

“Then do it. Express your feelings to her. She’s not a mind reader. And yes, women always want to be fought for even if they say no excessively. Abigail must have said that for a reason.” Freddie patted my shoulder. I took it as his support.

The journey to the apartment felt slow tonight. Even though my car speed wasn’t considered slow. I entered my apartment. Quiet. Has Abigail already gone to sleep? I had asked her to wait before.

I walked towards her room. I knocked on the door, and there was no response. I opened the door and saw her bed empty. Where is she?

I chose to go to my room and freshen up, hoping that after my routine activities, Abigail would be in the living room waiting for me.

Sure enough, after I finished, she was sitting casually on the sofa with dinner on her lap. I sat beside her, and she didn’t even look at me. I took a deep breath and looked at her, searching for the right words to convey my intentions to her.

“Abby…” I said softly.

“She still loves Uncle. Hasn’t changed at all. She’s just not confident in herself. And she’s not sure if she’ll have Grandma’s approval,” Abigail replied in a flat tone without shifting her gaze from the screen in front of her, continuing to feed herself.

“I haven’t said anything.” I said in disbelief. Has my niece turned into a mind reader?

“I know that Uncle also loves Flavia. I’ve been observing everything without Uncle realizing it,” she finally placed her food on the table and looked at me sharply. “She also loves Uncle. Hasn’t changed in these five years. If she no longer loves Uncle, I wouldn’t do all this.

“But I want you both to be happy because you deserve happiness. She deserves to be happy. And I know her happiness is with Uncle.” I saw optimism in Abigail’s eyes. “I encouraged her to fight for Uncle five years ago. Even after Uncle’s rejection back then.

“She wanted to fight at first, until she decided to give up. And now, I’m going to encourage Uncle to fight for her. If Uncle really loves her.” She said with uncertainty in her tone at the end of the sentence.

I was stuck on the words ‘decided to give up’. Didn’t Abigail say that Flavia wanted to fight? Then why did she decide to give up?

“I can’t tell Uncle about it,” Abigail suddenly answered. It seemed like I unintentionally voiced my question. “One day Uncle will know her story. Let Flavia tell everything to Uncle later if she wants.” She continued. “So?” Abigail asked for my response again.

“I will fight for her,” I finally answered.

Abigail smiled widely. Her eyes gleamed brightly. She left her food aside and hugged me enthusiastically. She mumbled excessive thanks and promised to help me get Flavia back.