THIRTY-NINE
I put a candle on my son’s grave. It’s been eight years since it happened and I was too young at that time. But the pain and trauma that caused my son’s death still haunt me. The reason why I don’t want to have a child is. Because I don’t want it to happen again.
I didn’t mean what happened but I wanted it to happen. If I hadn’t done that to his mommy, this wouldn’t have happened to him. He would not have been created and he would not have disappeared. He would not have experienced that kind of death at the hands of his own Mother. The pain that her mom endures because of me is the reason why this is all happening.
I love his mom. The first woman that I love. And my deep love for him was the reason why I did something terrible that caused the loss of my son.
I saw a pair of hands putting a candle beside the candle I put. There is also a bouquet of red roses. I don’t even have to look to see who he is because I already know who he is just by smelling him.
This is a Dy museum so our children are here. Cupid Aragon – Dy, the one written on his son next to my son who says Dale Heart – Dy. The fetuses that are Dave’s children with Lileth are also next to each other and have Aragon – Dy written on them.
“If you’re here to annoy me, I don’t have time.” I took the lead because I know that when he shows up, he only knows to tease.
“Why, when have I been annoyed at this opportunity and my child’s grave?” I didn’t answer. “We’re on the same boat, Dale. The only difference between us is that I have moved on from my son. You haven’t yet. Like Dave, he’s moved on. So there’s no reason why you can’t move too —–if you want to.”
“Why, do you think I didn’t try?” I ask.
“Yes, because if you tried, you and Lauren never got to this point.”
“You don’t understand me, Dylan. Because you are not in my situation. We went through different things.”
“We’ve been through nothing different, Dale. Both of us were stupid which caused the loss of our child. But I hope you thought that we were young then. Impulsive and not knowing how to think correctly that’s why it happened.”
I held my head. I was nineteen at that time. But at that time I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. Because I sent out my love that was not reciprocated.
“Do you love her?” he asked so I looked at him. “Do you love Lauren yet?”
“No,” I said and diverted my gaze. “I can’t love anyone else after what happened to the first girl I loved,” I added.
“Liar.” I looked because of what he said. “Why is it so hard for you to admit that you are in love? You fool, is it hard to admit that you love someone? What’s so difficult about that? What’s wrong with that? You should be proud because you know how to love.”
“Not me, you Dylan. don’t question me and reprimand me. I don’t love Lauren, I’m just infatuated with her and that’s different.”
“When I hit you, you can tell me that you love Lauren. Your brain will reverse that decision.”
“I’m not you, so don’t insist on yours. It’s easy for you to say that because you’re not in my position. If you still can’t move then don’t include me.”
“It’s easy for me to say this because I can see that you love her and she loves you. And yes, Dale, I haven’t moved on from her yet because I’m still a slave to our past. Why? Because I still can’t find anyone deserving of my love to replace her. As for you, Lauren is too much of a reason for you to move on from the past.”
“Oh, aren’t you still a slave to your past and still hoping that he will come back? We are both slaves of the past.”
“We are not the same Dale. I’m still a slave to my love for her and I’m not ashamed of my love for the woman I can’t forget. It’s not like you that you try to deny that you love someone else and you don’t want to accept the one who loves you. She’s happy now, Dale. Lindsay has her own family. She forgot you along with her husband whom she truly loves and their children. Why do you still hope that he will come back to you?”
I couldn’t answer what he said. I want to say so much but I know it all makes no sense because——because what he said was right. I just kept denying Lauren even though the truth was that I was hurt by the situation between the two of us.
“Dale, it’s not a sin to love. It is also not a sin to be enslaved by love. The sin is that someone already loves you and you know in yourself that you do, but you don’t give yourself a chance to release that love.”
“I’m scared,” I said and started to tears. “I’m afraid that she might be afraid of me when she finds out about my past. What I did was unacceptable to a woman. Maybe she will be afraid and independent of me because of what I did to a woman. I don’t want her to be afraid of me.”
“I don’t believe you haven’t done to her what you fear. Impossible. After two years of your marriage, I don’t believe that being you haven’t come out in front of her yet. But she stayed by your side. Because her love for you is true. She doesn’t care what you are, who you are, because she loves you. Dale, admit to yourself that you love Lauren.”
“You’re right, I love him but I haven’t let go of my past yet.”
“She is not your enemy. Everything can be discussed, Dale.”
“I’m scared, Dylan.”Content © NôvelDrama.Org 2024.
“Afraid of what?”
“For many reasons.”
“Tell me where? What are you afraid of?” I bent down and cried softly. I also want to be free. I want to be happy. I want to let go of the past and start a new tomorrow. But I was consumed by fear. “Tell me, Dale.”
“I’m afraid I can’t make her happy because I can’t give her what she needs. I’m afraid that what happened before will happen to her and our future child. I’m afraid it will happen again.”
“Lauren and Lindsay are different. She meant it to happen because she was mad at you. Lauren, brave and able to fight for you. There’s nothing Lauren can’t do, and there’s nothing she won’t do for you. They also have different situations and roles in your life.”
“Dylan.”
“But if you want peace, face the past.” Then he tapped my shoulder. “You have a visitor.” He looked behind me. I looked at what he was looking at and was shocked to realize who was there.
“I’ll leave you for now so you can talk properly.” He squeezed my shoulder and then walked out.
My knees shook and I almost swallowed my tongue. I don’t know how to greet her because I’m afraid of her. The last time we talked she cursed me. She hates me, throws some painful words, and insults me. The way she looks at me is full of hatred. And now she’s here in front of me.
It’s been eight years. She left my life at the same time I lost my son and now she is here. After eight years we met again.
“L-Lindsay?”
“How are you, Dale?” She greeted me with a wide smile. The way she looks at me is a far cry from Lindsay in the past who cursed and hated me. “Can we talk?”