35. Through The Mud
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A yelp escaped my mouth when a cold hand wrapped itself around my leg, yanking me off the bed in one swift movement. I hit the cold floor of the room with a thud. I was genuinely terrified until I perceived and came face to face with Hazel's amused face. "For goddess's sake, Hazel. You just killed me." I yelled not finding her stunt funny.
However, Hazel laughed, "If I did, you wouldn't be yelping, girl."
My best friend shrugged, the sound of her laughter echoing in the bedroom while I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the floor. Hazel threw herself on the bed and supported her head with her hand so she could look at me as I struggled to get back in bed. "You look like shit, Lia." She pointed out, her tone neutral but her hazel eyes flickered with the genuine concern that I knew her heart carried.
I rolled my eyes again, settling into bed with Hazel. "Tell me something I don't already know." I tried to sound unaffected but deep down, I was barely holding back tears.
It's been almost ten days since I found out that Dakota was gone and I'd be lying if I claim to have my emotions under control. It's been a real struggle and somehow, Raiden's words from four nights ago have remained in my head like a tumor, complicating my life even "Let's see." Hazel pretended to think but soon blurted, "Ah! How about the fact that the twins miss you?"
more.
I felt a sharp pang in my chest at the mention of my kids. I haven't been able to spend time with them even though I had asked Alpha Tristan to take my name off the names of warriors that would be representing our pack in the final rounds which would be kicking off in three days. I hadn't been training as hard as Jessica and a few others who would be participating in the games yet I had been miserable.
Well, In my defense, none of them lost a Dakota. I did.
"Lia," Hazel called for me, taking my hands in hers as she scooted closer to me. "Don't think I haven't noticed your swollen face and heard your silent sobs. You've been crying for the past ten days and I've been waiting for you to say something about it but I can no longer wait, Lia."
Her hazel eyes held my stormy blue ones and I could already tell that she was about to ask questions that I wouldn't be able to answer.
"Talk to me, Lia. Please. I can't bear to keep watching you suffer while I pretend to be asleep just because I don't want to intrude. Tell me what's bothering you, Lia." Hazel requested with the softest voice.
I was about to shake my head and tell her nothing was bothering me but she said, "And please don't tell me it's nothing. Let me in."
Do I have to lie to her again? Fuck, this was torture. I finally had people who cared about me yet I had been forced to lie to them for many years. When Alpha Tristan asked me why I couldn't sleep four nights ago, I lied to his face too.
I can't continue like this.
I shouldn't keep holding all my problems in when I've people who want to listen and offer their shoulders to me so I could cry on them if I wanted.
"Then open up to Hazel, Relia. You need to talk to someone and she can be trusted, right?" Inara stated, trying to calm the raging war of emotions within me by making a suggestion.
"I can trust Hazel but letting her in is
too much, Ina. I can't risk Katie and I Kyle'e lives just to feel less
miserable. This is a phase and it will pass. know it." I responded to my wolf despite knowing that I wouldn't get over Dakota's death for a very long time.
Inara muttered another suggestion, "What if you tell her something real without compromising the kid's lives? Think about it, Relia. I want you to be less sad and the kids need you to be happy too."
My babies actually need me now more than ever and Dakota would want me to be anything but miserable and sad. Perhaps it's time to share my sorrows with someone-
"You know what? You don't have to tell me, Lia." Hazel sighed in defeat and hurt flashed in her eyes as she released my hand. "I'll take care of Katie and Kyle while you pull yourself together."
Hazel left the bed, heading for the bedroom door without sparing me another glance. Sometimes, I wished she would just shout at me. Spat words at me and made me feel guilty for treating her like she wasn't the only friend I have ever had in my twenty-six years of living.
"My mom's death anniversary is fast
approaching blurted out just as Hazel turned the doorknob. Hazel froze, her back tensing while my eyes brimmed with hot tears. I continued, my eyes fluttering-shut, "I feel so alone, Hazel. My heart hurt and I can feel life knocking me down
again and again."
I broke into tears, sorrow gripping my heart as memories of the good times I had with Dakota drowned my soul, blurring out all the reasons I had to be happy... which were just a few if I was being honest.
"Oh, Lia." Hazel breathed, her arms engulfing me before I could sense her warmth beside me. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I shouldn't have made you talk about that. I'm so stupid-"
"N-no, you ar-aren't s-stupid. You are a g-good fr-friend and you deserve to k-know these things, Hazel." I sobbed as I uttered those words, burying my face in Hazel's stomach.
I should be the one apologizing, not her.
"How can I make you feel better? I hate seeing you like this, Lia." Hazel whimpered, patting my hair as my body shook with tears.
The bedroom door swung open before either Hazel or I could perceive Kyle who strolled in with wide eyes and his mask in his hand. His brows furrowed, "Mama. You're crying." My son stated with disbelief.
I was about to pull myself together
and save from the sight but Katoe strolled into the room next, looking like she had been dragged through the mud and punched in the face a couple of times. My little girl had unshed tears in her eyes but the second her eyes met min she burst into tears.
"Katie. Baby..." I sobbed, rushing to my kids.
What the hell happened?