Losing
Hardin
“You really think Lorenzo can make a good team captain?” Someone whispered to her friend down the hallway and thanks to supernaturally enhanced hearing, I could not help but listen to the conversation even though the last thing that I wanted to do at this point was hear anything about that darned competition that should not even be happening in the first place.
And even though I wanted so badly to punch Lorenzo in the face, I knew that it would only make things worse for me. After all, this silly idea had started right after the incident between us that had made me go on suspension as team captain.
And now that the time had elapsed and it was now time for things to go back to the way they were, it was a perfect opportunity for Lorenzo to strike and declare his intent to be captain of the lacrosse team. A team that I had been the captain of since I was in sophomore year.
“I don’t know but with the way things are going and how he is becoming everyone’s favorite, it might happen.” The second girl whispered and I didn’t realize that I was gripping the door to my locker too hard until it bent and someone else gasped.
When I turned around, everyone in the hallway was looking at me and I slammed the door shut and hurried down to the guidance counselor’s office for my compulsory session with her. A session that I didn’t dare miss. Not when the eyes of everyone was on me now, especially my father’s.
I didn’t want to further disappoint him even though I knew that it would be almost difficult to please him, especially because Jasmine was the perfect daughter, another reason that thinking about her made my blood boil.
She was also there that day with Lorenzo. The day that I had lost my temper in front of the entire cafeteria and cost myself the captain title.
She seemed to always be there at every of my bad days. Just standing there, her dark hair falling down her shoulders and green eyes wide as if she could not fathom that she was to blame for my misfortune at any given point in time.
And maybe she wasn’t. Maybe it was just ill luck for her to always be there when things happened to me. Or maybe I was stupid for trying to absolve her once again instead of seeing her for the obstacle that she was.
Aunt Lisa was right. I was being stupid. Being too trusting. Being led astray by those innocent eyes once again.
“You’ve been sitting there for over five minutes now, thinking hard about something. Would you like to share it with me?” The guidance counselor said and I was reminded that I had entered her office and sat down for the one hour session that was sure to feel like an entire year, especially because talking about my feelings happened to be the last thing that I ever wanted to do.
“No” I replied honestly and when she smiled, I wondered why she was always so happy and how she could remain jovial in the face of people as stubborn as I was. Especially because this was how most of our sessions went, with me refusing to speak most times.
I knew that if I was not sitting where she was, I would have lost my shit a long time ago.
“Okay then, let’s talk about the competition then. The match against the other school across town. It’s tomorrow, is it not?”
I nodded, my hands tightening into fists as I tried to control my breathing like she had taught me in the very beginning whenever I was going into a fit of rage, a skill that like many others, I never bothered to use at the right times.
“How does that make you feel? Especially knowing that your performance tomorrow will play a great role in determining if you will continue to be captain of the school team.”
I froze, releasing a harsh breath as I remembered how Coach had announced to me that to remain captain, I needed to make sure that I was not only to prove it academically by keeping my grades up, which happened to be going terribly by the way all of a sudden and making sure that I could show what I could do on the field.
“Angry” I answered and she gave me a smile that I believe she intended to mean that she understood what I was going through but I doubted that she would ever be in my position.
It felt like I was drowning from all of the pressure. And like I was going to lose everything all at once.
“And how do you feel, knowing that Lorenzo is also vying for that position?”
I pinned her with a look that didn’t need to be explained.
“We both know exactly what I would rather be doing to that kid instead of sitting here and talking about my feelings”NôvelDrama.Org holds this content.
“But you can’t go around hitting everyone that you don’t like, Hardin. And that is the reason for these sessions. To help you resolve your issues without having to resort to violence.”
At the end of the one hour session, I could only feel more agitated about doing a good job tomorrow and as I headed out of school, Alex and Sandro were outside waiting for me.
“You should be resting up for tomorrow” I said to them as I got into my car, raising my brows when they entered the car.
“Our house is on the way to yours” Alex said and when I looked at Sandro, he shrugged and I rolled my eyes because the twins owned cars and even bikes, so I had no idea why they were here right now.
“You’re the best captain that the school has seen in years, rage issues aside…” Alex said and Sandro slapped the back of his head.
“You’re not making things easier for him, man.” Turning to look at me, Sandro smiled.
“Remind the coach why he made you captain in sophomore year tomorrow on the field, Hardin. That’s what we came here to say.”
Nodding, we continued the rest of the ride in silence and when I got back to the mansion and refused to come down for dinner, a tray of food with a note from Camila saying she was rooting for me tomorrow made me feel even more pressured to do well.
Perhaps, the pressure was too much because not only was I unable to sleep all night, but I couldn’t hold back my irritation the entire day up until the time for the game.
And just like what had happened everytime someone attacked me, I responded to the urge to attack them even harder.
The game had been going as smoothly as possible until someone from the opposing team pushed me to the ground first.
And it didn’t matter that they were trying to stop me from getting past to score.
All I saw was red. All I could feel was that unending rage to cause pain. To inflict the same pain I was feeling.
And I stood up and slammed him to the ground, causing a foul that automatically made the referee decide that I had to leave the pitch for the rest of the game.
“Morales, you’re out for the rest of the game” The referee announced and I saw Alex and Sandro look at me, their faces filled with panic from within their helmets as I nodded and walked away from the field.
The most disappointed had to be Coach because he merely shook his head as I met him on the sidelines.
“What the fuck was that out there?” He snapped and I opened my mouth to explain but nothing came out.
I had no excuse.
“With what happened today, it will be very difficult to make you captain, Morales. And that is no one’s fault but yours.” He added and I nodded, my eyes meeting with Lorenzo’s who was looking in our direction from where he stood on the field, having heard us, thanks to supernatural hearing from the way he smirked victoriously at me.
There was no need for me to continue to watch the game any longer, I decided and when I rose to my feet and turned around to head to the locker room to change, my eyes met with Jasmine’s where she was sitting on the bleachers, her bag beside her.
Our eyes met and we stayed staring at each other.
I knew that she was at this game for Lorenzo and not me. Not after everything I had done to her would she be here to cheer for me.
And yet, a twisted part of me wanted her to be sitting there for me, even though I knew that I was a terrible person that didn’t deserve even the least bit of kindness.
And especially not from Jasmine, someone who was my sworn enemy even though she didn’t know it.
But as she looked away, I realized that even in a war that she didn’t know about, she was not the one losing. I was.