BREAKING POINT

He stopped talking and Penny saw that the hand holding his phone was trembling.

“I would say I was sorry if I thought you needed any sympathy” she said. “But frankly speaking, Joey, you are well out of it. I’m not worth your love”

“Don’t say things like that, Penny. You are everything I ever imagined a girl could be. Sweet, intelligent, beautiful and much too modest. Just to know that you see me as a friend is more than enough now…. Since it can’t be different”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

“Oh Joey, of course I look on you as my friend. And you and Audrey are the best ones I have and I terribly, terribly fond of you both. But don’t love me. Please don’t. I couldn’t bear to feel responsible for causing you any unhappiness.”

Joey took her hand and held it in his own for a moment.

“You could never do that Penny, except by being unhappy. It would make me sad to see you miserable. I told Audrey…. I would like to tell you… That it… That if things don’t work out as you wish, and if you are worried about the baby. If you don’t want to raise the baby alone. I would like to be there for you, maybe even married… if you want…”

Penny buried her face in her hands, digging her knuckles against her eyes like a small child.

“Oh God, Joey, don’t” she whispered, utterly overcome.

Joey turned away, unable to bear the sight of her bowed head. Unable to bear the sight of her tears.

She looked up quickly and caught hold of his arm, saying urgently.

“Don’t think that I’m not grateful to you, because I am. I’m touched and very honored. But you don’t know what you are saying. Even if things with… With Jeremy… Don’t work out, I still couldn’t let you marry me. You see, whatever happens, I will always love Jeremy. And I could never part with his child”

“I know that” Joey said quietly. “I have never imagined for a moment that you might stop loving Jeremy, (he could not being himself to say ‘that you would one day love me’) I would just like to relieve my own worries by relieving you of yours” he gave her a smile. “Simple, isn’t it?”

“Oh Joey” Penny whispered brokenly. “If I had not met Jeremy, I think I would have fallen so hard for you, Joey. No girl in her right senses could help being fond of you. You are so wonderfully good and kind”

“Nonsense. Now let’s forget about this, Penny. Let’s go on being friends and take some of those long walks and talks we both enjoy so much. I have been disgracefully morbid. Believe me, I hope very sincerely that everything will work out right for you. I’m sure it will”

“Thank you” Penny whispered. “And I will be ready for a walk whenever you can spare time off from your work”

“You got it” he said, pleased. “I will make out time”

The awkwardness between them had gone. Penny knew that they understood each other now and that these last few minutes conversation had cleared the air of all embarrassment.

“Joey, i haven’t been to see a doctor since the first time I found out that I was pregnant. I should go get examined”

His tone became instantly professional.

“Definitely,” he said at once. “Why not come to the hospital. If it’s going to be too weird, you can see another doctor at the hospital. He has even brought more babies into the world than I can count”

Penny nodded and allowed herself to relax, feeling the calm and strength of the man beside her warming her like an unexpected burst of sunshine.

“Where will I have the baby?” she asked. “Do you think I can have it here… In the house? I hate the idea of giving birth at the hospital. I would prefer a home birth”

“it depends on how things go. If everything is in order and it looks like being an easy birth, then it can certainly be arranged. I would like you to have the baby here too”

How easily he spoke of childbirth. For the first time since she had known she was pregnant, Penny felt that it was a natural, even happy event. She had been dreading it all these months and now suddenly, she could almost look forward to it. She thought about the baby for the first time as a person, wondered whether it would be a boy or a girl. She would like a little boy… With Jeremy’s blue eyes and fair, curly hair. In any case, it must be like Jeremy.

She wondered how long it would be before she could feel the child move inside her but she could not ask Joey. She would consult the doctor at the hospital. There was so much she wanted to know. Was it true that it hurt dreadfully? Was it true that first babies were the most painful to bear? She had once heard that if you held a needle on a thread over the womb and it turned sideways it meant a girl, or if it swung in circles… A boy? She could ask Joey that.

He laughed at her questions… A long, deep laugh full of amusement, with tenderness for her ignorance.

“Old wives tale” he said.

“Don’t laugh. I was just wondering if it was true. But the scan will tell. Can I see this doctor tomorrow” Penny questioned.

“Yeah you can. The sooner the better”

They talked for a while, cracking jokes. Penny found herself laughing really hard. She liked it. It was so long since she’d been touched by the humorous side of life, so long since she had laughed just because she was happy, and found life good and amusing. Today, once again, the world didn’t seem like such a bad place. She found herself wondering. Why, why couldn’t she laugh with Jeremy like this?

Leaning out of the kitchen window to see why the dog was barking, Audrey heard their laughter. A curious sadness filled her.

Let them laugh. They are lucky, she thought. Lucky to have each other’s companion in that manner. Audrey wondered if she would ever love anyone again.

It was strange that her brother had fallen like this for her best friend. It would have been so marvelous if Jeremy didn’t exist in Penny’s life. It was such a tragedy for Joey, to love a girl who was pregnant with another man’s child.

Poor Joey. Poor Penny

Audrey suddenly put her face in her hands. She could no longer bear the sound of that laughter outside