Chapter 0079
That day, as I dressed up and prepared for work... as I made my way to work up until I sat in my office seat, I felt uneasy inside.
So when she came to me, two months later, with an ultrasound report and put her hand on her flat tummy, her eyes glinting with a mixture of hope, fear and happiness, I hadn't really been surprised. "Tom, I'm pregnant," her voice trembled, barely above a whisper.
I had just sat there and stared at her, I guessed deep down, I already knew she was pregnant.
But I still reacted though. The blood had drained from my face at the realization that what I dreaded had finally happened. "But I remembered that I told you to take the birth control pill!" I had blurt out angrily without thinking or even considering her feelings.
As expected, tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at me. "I did take it," her voice quivered, "But it must have failed. It was an accident, okay? I didn't expect this to happen either. But, I want to keep this baby, Mark," she took a step closer to me, "And the doctor said my body is too weak, if I don't keep this child, I might never have the chance to be a mother again." My body is too weak.....
It was an excuse I had grown accustomed to. I could almost always tell whenever there was a but coming after a sentence that it was what she would say.
Her weak body was always perfectly okay whenever she pleaded with me to make love to her roughly. It was the only time her weak body was strong.
But still, I couldn't let her abort the child. I put it there, even if I was oblivious of my actions. I could easily picture myself pounding into her in my drunken state. Besides, that child in her womb would be my firstTêxt © NôvelDrama.Org.
child.
"Then..." Even to me, my voice had sounded stuck in my throat. I looked at Bella, feeling a bit guilty for my immediate outburst. "Then have the child, I'll take responsibility. It's my responsibility."
Hearing this, Bella had immediately burst into tears and thrown herself into my arms and cried uncontrollably. She didn't care how solemn I had sounded or how transactional the admission that I would take responsibility had sounded, she was just happy that she was pregnant and I didn't turn away
from her.
I could only hold her gently, my mind torn in chaos. I tried to push the warring thoughts away but they would surface again; I felt like I had been duped. I felt tricked by Bella and that day, as I gently held her in my arms and reflexively patted her on her back, I could already feel my love for her dissipating.
She moved in to my place. And as we lived on together as a couple, I kept having that vague feeling that the mother of my unborn child was hiding something from me. Suddenly, I started to reason our whole relationship from the start. We seemed to have been very into each other...very in love until we started planning for our wedding.
We were together for quite a long time and she never for once told me or even hinted at it that she had any heart condition. Suddenly, I found myself married to the sister of the woman I loved because the one I wanted couldn't attend our wedding as she had to be urgently flown out for a treatment. Then in a blur
and matter of minutes, I found out that my Bella had a heart disease.
For a while after the marriage, I was ridden with guilt. I scolded and hated myself for not seeing the signs but I learned to live with it... or rather I learned to pour out my frustration and anger on my poor wife. After three years of zero communication or any form of contact from her - only occassional vague reports about her health from her parents and her desire to see me - she came waltzing back into my life, perfectly fine.
Her surgery and therapies were successful and she was fine again but she had to live a fragile life onwards.
I had believed it was an opportunity for me to show her that I cared, make up for lost time and also rid myself of the guilt. And also because of my undying blinding love for her, I had welcomed her back into the embrace of my arms and became a cheating husband thereby hurting the woman I was legally married to in tenfolds. Yet, I dared to blame her for filing for a divorce.
Another loophole in all of the conflicting relationship and life I had been living with Bella was that, since she came back, she had never allowed me to accompany her whenever she was going for her periodic heart checkup.