32
There was a long, loaded silence. His eyes met hers incredulously. “Does Tilly know… About the baby?” Kaleb asked in a shocked voice.
“No she doesn’t, at least not yet, so don’t worry about it,” Tilly retorted.
He was shaking his head as if he had just come out of some long-term trance. Surely this had to be a dream. Weeks ago he’d told himself that no matter how tempted he was-he wasn’t going to go near her again, but now here he was, dealing with the consequences of that one time together.
“How far along are you now?”
“Seven weeks”
“You’re kidding”
“I wish I was.”
The dark eyes bored into her. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
Sasha looked at him. What did he expect her to say? That she was overjoyed at the thought of bringing an unplanned child into the world? A child whose father thought so little of her that he had not been near her since that night of passion weeks ago.” I don’t know what I mean,” she said. “I’m mixed up, I guess.”
Kaleb found his eyes drawn irresistibly to her stomach. He realized that he had only ever looked at a woman’s body as an object of desire before now, but suddenly he recognised that Sasha’s body would nurture his child. He swallowed, the enormity of it all hitting him as he looked closer, but he could detect no tell-tale swell. Not underneath that shirt she was wearing. He looked at his watch and sighed. “I have to go out tonight. Very soon, in fact.”
“And that’s the difference between us, isn’t it?” she questioned, and her voice was filled with a kind of bitterness as she felt her freedom begin to slip away. “Your life will go on undisturbed, won’t it, Kaleb?”
“Well, hardly,” he bit out. “I can’t imagine that I’m going to have a rip-roaring time tonight after this bombshell has been dropped in my lap.”
“You’re concerned about your social calendar?” she demanded incredulously. “Don’t worry about me-I’m just concerned about the rest of my life!”
“For God’s sake, will you stop twisting my words, Sasha? I was thinking short-term, that’s all. You were looking at the wider canvas. Understandably.”
She knew that she had no right to ask where he was going, or with whom, and yet stupidly enough she felt as though she did have rights. He was the father of her unborn child, for heaven’s sake!
But only through luck. Or bad luck, as he would probably see it. Luck he could have done without.
Sasha made her mind up in that moment. This baby had not been conceived out of love. Certainly not on Kaleb’s part. But one thing was for sure-when their child arrived kicking and shouting into the world there would be nothing but love waiting.
She sat up, feeling stronger now, smoothing back a damp tendril of hair. She leaned back against the cushions. “Maybe it’s best if we get a few things straight right from the start, Kaleb”
He became watchful. “Go on,” he said warily.
“I just want you to know that I’m not asking you for financial support.”
He stilled. “Oh?”
“And I’m not asking for your emotional support, either,”
“Really?” His eyes burned into her. “Just what are you asking, then, Sasha?”
“Nothing.” She bit her lip. “Nothing at all.”
“No money? No babysitting for the nights you want to go out?”
She couldn’t project that far into the future; she simply couldn’t imagine it. “That’s right.”
“So why bother telling me at all?”
Surely he understood that? “Because as the father you have a right to know.”
“Just no right to have any involvement with my son or daughter’s life?”
“Judging by your reaction earlier, you wouldn’t want any, surely?” she asked him, her surprise genuine.
“How the hell do you know what I want-when I don’t even know myself?” he snarled. “And how can I possibly make a snap decision about such an earth-shattering piece of information as this?”
“Kaleb-” she began….
“I want time to think about it,” he continued remorselessly. “We’ve already acted with indecent haste- maybe if we hadn’t then we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this situation. We owe it to the baby to work out our best options. And we owe it to ourselves,” he finished quietly.
Even in the midst of all the emotions which swirled around her like the thrashing sea above the head of a non-swimmer, two words pushed themselves to the front of her mind.
The baby. How cold that sounded.
“It isn’t the baby-it’s my baby,” she said aloud, in case the child growing inside her could hear them, and might turn distractedly in the womb, feeling unloved and unwanted.
“My baby, too, ” he said quietly. “Don’t forget that,” He looked at her fierce little face and felt a pang of something approaching remorse. If only he hadn’t ravished her quite so thoroughly. He swallowed down his self-disgust.
At least they were agreed on something-his behavior had seemed to be way beyond control. Indeed, he could not remember ever having been so overcome with desire-but he could hardly blame her for that, could he? And, meanwhile, he should have been somewhere else ten minutes ago.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .
“Listen, this is too much to take on board and try and sort out in one brief meeting. Besides, I have to go now.”
“Of course you do.”
He stared at her. She looked so damned vulnerable, lying there. “Will you be… all right?”
Sasha forced herself to get up off the sofa, impatiently shaking off the hand which he immediately reached out to steady her. “Of course I’ll be all right.
And there’s no need to treat me like a fragile old lady! I’m pregnant, Kaleb-not ill!”
“Yeah,” he agreed. The static in the air had made the loose shirt cling to her, and now he could see the curve of her belly. Still flat, but his child was growing in there. He felt a lump rise in his throat, and instinctively reached out and put his arms around her in a gesture of comfort.
For a moment Sasha let herself be held, sinking into the warm security of his arms where she felt safe. He smelt clean-of lemons and musk-and she found that she wanted to sink into the protection of his body, to rest her head on his shoulder.