Beneath the Surface

Lexie

September 12, 2011Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org

The ambulance has stopped, and everything around me is chaos. We must have finally arrived at the hospital. I thank god, because my entire body hurts. My right side feels like it is on fire, my abdomen and chest is burning, and my left arm is completely numb. I look to my left and see my older brother, Shawn, with tears running down his face while he looks at his lap. He won’t even look at me. I know him not looking at me is not as much about what happened to me as it is about his own guilt, but i can’t help but wonder if he will ever look at me the same way again. The back doors to the ambulance burst open and I am met with familiar faces. These are the people I usually work next to, saving other people, but today it’s me they are here to save.

My entire body is shaking, and I can’t make it stop. I’m not sure if it is the pain, the fear, the panic, or if I am going into shock, but I can’t make it stop. I want to be strong in front of these people I see almost every day, but I know I can’t appear strong lying on a gurney, covered in blood, with my entire body shaking, naked except for a thin blanket protecting my body from everyone’s eyes. The gurney has been pulled out of the ambulance and the nurses are running next to me, pushing me down the hall of the hospital toward the operating rooms. They are barking orders to each other, things I should understand since I am also a nurse at this hospital, but nothing is making sense to me. Why isn’t anything they say making sense?

“We’re losing her,” one of the nurses yells to the others. “I’m sorry sir but you can’t go any further.” who is she talking to?

I look over and see Shawn still running with us. He looks at me and meets my eyes, “I’m going to check on the boys.”

Oh god, my boys! How has this effected my boys? I know they weren’t injured, but will they ever be the same after the things they saw tonight? Will they still have that sweet, childlike innocence? Will they ever get it back?

We push through double doors into another hall, and a doctor meets us there. Things are starting to get blurry, and I can’t understand anything anyone is saying. What is wrong with me? Why is it getting worse? I can’t make out anyone’s faces anymore as they run through the hospital halls beside my gurney. The pain is even starting to fade. I want to thank god, but what does it mean that I’m not in as much pain? Am I dying? We burst through the doors into the operating room, and everything goes black.