Be My Mate

Chapter 4- Purest Love Of All

Sabrina's POV

Standing outside of Xander's changing room. I know he is inside, as I can hear his heartbeat and I'm right outside his door, cowardly hiding my scent so he can't tell that it's me, standing out here

a stalker.

How do I even look at him? How do I face him after what I have just been told?

The door opens to reveal a shirtless Xander. He looks down at me, at my tear stained face as he gently grabs my hand.

"Sabrina? What's wrong baby?" He asks me. I throw my arms around him as I start to sob again.

Xander stays silent, holding me tightly as I broke down, my insides were at war. Even though Athena and I love Xander, it was no secret that my body called for Aiden. I fight it day in and day out, happy to do so as long as I did not have outside obstacles fighting me too.

'They aren't wrong though. You are not above Sacred law and if you don't obey it, why should they?' Athena says to me.

No, they are right. I was so mad at Percy for going against the very law I am fighting.

I admit, I've been the world's biggest hypocrite. I just love Xander and I don't really embrace change, I can't embrace it and can I be blamed though? I never get to enjoy the pleasures I'm given long enough before they are taken away from me.

I pull away from Xander and look him in the eyes.

"We need to talk and you won't like what I have to say. I don't like it but I don't know what to do and I need your calm nature and logic around this. I need alpha Xander and my mate at the same time." I say and he leads me in to his room before closing the door behind him.

"What's wrong Sabrina?" He asks again.

"I just had a conversation with my mother and Josey." I say as I scratch the back of my head.

Xander looks at me, his face not revealing much.

"Xander, they won't accept us. With me going against sacred law and staying with you. I feel so defeated, so drained. I did everything they wanted me to do and now they want to take you away from me. I don't know what to do." I blurt out really fast.

"Hold on, say that again but really slowly." Xander says to me, squeezing my hand.

"They say we can't be together." I say and he doesn't seem shocked. Xander let's go of my hand and steps back from me.

"We knew this would happen Sabrina. It's actually pretty stupid to think we could get away with it." Xander says to me. He turns around, his back to me.

"Sacred law. How dare we think we are anywhere above it? I know you know I've been struggling with you being someone else's mate." Xander says to me.

"I know...." I say sadly. I've known for a long time.

"I love you Sabrina but my upbringing, the law engrained in my head, I can't help but struggle with the decision we made to stay together. I know I said I'd rather die than lose you..." Xander says to me and I walk around him so I can better face him.

"Don't say it!" I scream at him and he closes his eyes to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Sabrina, I can not survive it. I refuse to survive losing another mate." He says to me.

"So you are going to what? Kill yourself? Xander do you hear what you are saying?" I ask and he chuckles.

"You'll be as good as dead Sabrina. Living in the heavenly realm, taking Adrastos with you, who will I stay with?" He asks. I don't respond because he was right.

There was no way of him visiting, finding a way up there.

"I won't lie Sabrina. You came at the perfect time and gave me hope again. You opened up feelings inside of me that I thought were long buried with the burial of my first mate. I loved again and goddess that's a great feeling but I will not be mentally strong enough to live on without you or our son. How will my wolf survive it? The loss of the luna to our pack?" He says to me.

"It's selfish to assume that I'll be able to just go on with life. Losing a mate is not easy Sabrina, especially when you feel them die and now I have to let you go. The only way that will happen is if I die, otherwise there is no way I am letting you go just like that." Xander says to me before walking out of his room and banging the door.

I fall to my knees and break out in sobs. I didn't hear the door open and close.

I didn't even smell a familiar scent pull me up and in for a hug. As soon as my head hit his chest I knew who it was.

My dear brother.

"I kind of overheard. I'm so sorry Sabrina." Cj says to me and I continue to cry.

"I forgot....er... something.." Xander says walking in on Cj and I.

Cj pulls away from me and turns to face Xander.

"You can't leave her like this mate. At least talk about it before you both say things you can never take back. Everyone else is against your union, don't be at odds with each other." Cj says to Xander.

"I'm talking to you as well Sabrina." He says before walking out and closing the door.

I look at Xander and he's just standing, staring back at me.

"I'm so sorry. I did this to us and now I've put your life in danger." I say.

"I stand by my words. You are my great love Sabrina. I don't want to love anyone else, I don't want to be with anyone else." He says to me as he walks closer to me.

"I chose to be with you and chose to give you my heart. That's different. No goddess or pull forced me to be with you, I chose you and I will do it over and over again because I love you. I want to be selfish with you, I want to love you alone." He says as he gently grabs both my hands.

"I breath because of you Sabrina. You could be a fire and burn me and I'd still hold on. Which is exactly what's happening with us. You were never mine but I got the chance to be with you and hold you every night in my arms. The moon goddess herself, how dare I want anything else?" Xander confesses and the tears don't stop.

He was right.

Our love was definitely unique, different and we worked. That's why I was willing to go against the very law we all grew up on.

"I feel the same way. I don't want this to end." I say and he smiles at me.

"Very silly of us to think a love like ours will last forever." He says and I look at him quizzically.

"It was love at first sight Sabrina, you know that and it developed quicker than we both planned. The imprinting, my love for Adrastos who happens to be someone else's child..." He says to me.

"We can't seem to find peace. Maybe in another lifetime, where you are not immortal and you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders, we will find a way to each other." He says and I remain silent.

"I was planning on bringing you to the ball and now this. Now I'm told if I stay with you, people from the heavenly will find it disrespectful and force me in to being with Aiden by killing you. Aiden's brother told me that himself." I say and Xander raises an eyebrow at me.

"Aiden?" He asks and I let out a sigh.

"Yeah. He's all the girl's talk about up in the heavenly realm." I say and Xander chuckles.

"Look Sabrina, they are right to want to kill me. I'm standing in the way of true love. I'm just a weak earthling to them" He says and I shake my head no.

"No! You are my first love!" I say pulling away from him.

"You. Only you and I don't care what sacred law says. I'm the moon goddess for fucks sake! The daughter from the first family so why can't I change the rules? I want to be with you and only you.." I say in frustration.

"Sabrina, you know you can't do that. The sacred law is in place for a reason and you can't change the rules to have your way." Xander says and I glare at him.

This was not the time to be the good guy. They wanted him dead but instead he was talking sense.

"I want to be angry Sabrina, I want to be but I'm more angry at myself. How long did we actually think we would get away with this? Knowing there is no rejection in the heavenly realm... what, was he waiting for me to die so he could claim you?" Xander asks and I look down, not wanting to face him.

"Oh?" Xander says and I look up at him.

"That's exactly what he said. Aiden being my true mate has given him the power of immortality, so he will be around for as long as I am." I say and Xander nods his head in understanding.

"To be honest, I would probably have had Josey turn me in to a vampire so I could live out the days with you. I guess I'm not so lucky." He says and I walk back to him.

"I'm not ready to let go." I say and he pulls me in for a hug.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready to let you go. I can't do that knowing you'll be walking right in to someone else's arms." Xander says and the water works start again. Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

I decided to take my position as the moon goddess and with that came tough decisions. Xander being the toughest one of all but I am not ready to call it quits just yet.

"I was serious before Sabrina." He says to me and I look up at him.

"I'd rather die...." Xander says to me and I just look in to his eyes.

My X.

He was going to put himself in a position where he could possibly die so he won't have to feel the pain of losing me and I don't blame him but was that the right decision?

He is so young and so lovable. An amazing alpha with an equally amazing pack that welcomed me with open arms. They deserved a luna that will put them first before any and a luna that will give them future

alphas that won't be required to fight wars like me and Adrastos.

Josey didn't know it yet but she might just go through the same thing as she is half a god. With Ethia choosing mates for everyone, it wouldn't be a surprise for her to find a mate in the heavenly realm.

The chaos we the Trent sisters don't need. Our perfect little world, the perfect little bubble popped and exposed.

The end of my purest love story...

This was the reason Xander needed to walk away from this. He's been struggling with me being mated to somebody else and now that he had a way out by death, what would stop him from going through with it?

Am I stupid for wanting to be Xander? For wanting to put my heart first?

The first man to ever treat me like I matter, to ever truly listen to me and give sound feedback.

My body will probably betray me when it comes to Aiden but I will always know that this, Xander will forever be the purest love of all.

Yes, it was the sort of love I needed to heal and find myself again. To trust in myself again and find the confidence to face the world.

Here I am now, finding out that our love was on borrowed time and that as great as it was, it was only for a short time. Maybe it was for the better and I knew that with all the little shits happening in my life, he deserved better.

I could never put him first.

After the ball, even if they allowed me to stay with him, it would probably send him to an early grave.

For Xander, everything is black and white, sacred law was something he even instilled in the young pups back at Red Creek so I understand how this was eating at him.

I just wish I could be selfish for a little bit longer....