Ari (Child of the Beastman Goddess)

[Trigger Warning: This chapter contains sexual assault, post-traumatic flashback and mental health disorder. Please read with caution.]

What is androphobia?

Androphobia is a phobia or fear of men. Similar to the other phobias, symptoms of androphobia may include an instant, intense fear, anxiousness or panic when you see or think about men. The anxiety worsens as a man gets physically closer to you. An active avoidance of men or situations where you might encounter men can also indicate that you have a fear of men. The reactions to your fears can manifest physically, such as sweating, a rapid heartbeat, chest tightness, or trouble in breathing. Nausea, dizziness, or fainting when in close contact with men may also occur.

The exact cause of androphobia is not yet well understood by the current studies around the globe in my previous life.

Some experts say that the possible causes include past negative experiences with men; it can also be genetic or even through learned behavior from people around you.

In my case, my phobia started a long time ago in my previous life when I was just 5 years old.

My aunt, my father’s sister, and uncle, my father’s brother-in-law, were always asked to look after me during the day while my parents were away and were busy working with their respective careers. My father is a mechanical engineer while my mother is an elementary teacher.

Money is not the reason why none of them decided to give up their work to take care of me. They both enjoy their work and I respect their decision to do so since that is what makes them happy.

One day, my aunt left me with her husband to buy some groceries before my parents arrived while my uncle took me to bathe without my aunt knowing.

I still don’t know at that moment what it means to be sexually assaulted. I also don’t understand the weird things he was doing at that very moment when we were alone in the bathroom. I felt uncomfortable with his actions but he said nothing was wrong with his actions.

A few days after, my parents lulled me to sleep early because my aunt told them that I wasn’t able to take my afternoon nap because of playing too much. They thought that I was already asleep when they left me alone. I snuck out of the room and went to the comfort room to pee.

Unfortunately, I accidentally wet my pajamas while using the bidet after peeing because my hands were too small and clumsy. I felt pathetic and uncomfortable because of the wet pants so I went downstairs to look for my mom and ask her for help in looking for a new set of pajamas when I saw both of my parents in the living room cuddling happily while watching a romantic film that is not suitable for kids like me.

I was shocked while watching from the stairs. The man in the film was vigorously touching the woman all over her naked body while kissing her intensely. His hand suddenly crawled down to the woman’s private part causing her to exhilarate and moan weirdly.

I faltered due to horror. I felt like my confusion and fear grew stronger as the scene kept getting intense, sweeping me off my feet. I remembered the things that my uncle did a few days ago. I finally understood what he was doing, though I still don’t understand why he did it.

I suddenly broke into a cold sweat.

My head was numbing.

My whole body was trembling.

My heart started to beat fast.

I’m getting nauseous and my sight was getting darker and darker as I fell halfway through the stairs.

My parents were stunned upon hearing a loud thud.

My head was bleeding from the impact and my whole body turned numb. I was slowly swallowed away by the darkness while looking at the frightened and worried faces of my parents as they ran to me in a hurry.

I remembered I was in pain at that time as he roughly touched my private part while pinching and playing the upper part using his big and thick fingers.

My whole body trembled due to an unknown sensation and the pain.

I was terrified so I tried to struggle, but I was unable to voice out my discomfort due to shock.

He suddenly tried to insert his ring finger in as I screamed in pain begging to stop.

“It hurts uncle. Please stop!” I cried hysterically while bursting into tears.

He suddenly stopped upon hearing the wind chime of the main door pretending nothing had happened while whispering. “What are you doing? Why are you crying like an idiot? I was just cleaning you up thoroughly. Do you want it to stink like a skunk?” He sneered while throwing a threatening look at me as he slowly poured water on my head.

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I was unconscious for a week in the hospital. Miraculously, I didn’t suffer from any blood clot in the brain and had only suffered a concussion after I woke up due to the trauma.

One day, a male nurse was supposed to check my vitals. However, my heart started to become restless as he approached me. I tried to endure my discomfort since I don’t want to look like a brat in front of my mother. When the male nurse reached for my hand, trying to check if the needle of the drip was still properly inserted, I started to scream and cry. I pulled my hand perfunctorily while moving away from him in terror. The needle accidentally got pulled out. I bled terribly due to my sudden action. The man was horrified but he still tried to calm me down despite the obvious nervousness on his face.

My mother was terrified upon seeing my bleeding hand, but she also tried to calm me down as I trembled and clung to her arms while screaming in fright.

A female nurse hurriedly approached us due to the commotion, then the confused male nurse explained what happened.

They just did all the possible tests they needed to check for any abnormality in me. All the tests went normal despite my obvious negative reactions towards male doctors, nurses and staff. I was then referred to a psychiatrist. My mother followed their instructions and I underwent assessment.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

After the assessment, I was diagnosed with androphobia.

My mother almost fainted upon hearing the news. She knew I wouldn’t be able to live normally from that day onwards. She started to blame herself about the situation and she started to blame herself for everything that had happened to me.

My parents thought that my excessive fear of men was due to when I saw them watching an explicit part of the movie.

I never told my parents about my uncle’s sexual assault due to fear of being accused of lying. Also, I couldn’t get myself to talk about it with them since I know that it will cause chaos among the family. However, since then, no men can ever come near me including my father so my mother decided to resign and took care of me on her own.

I only disclosed the issue to my private psychiatrist later on when I was already able to go to the hospital alone. I pleaded with her not to inform my parents about it because I was so afraid of even seeing the man.

I have diligently undergone various therapies and medications just to lessen my burden since it affects my life tremendously.

The treatment was somewhat effective as I was excited to try holding my father’s hand for the first time without knowing that the first day I could ever touch his hand will also be the last.

A huge turn of events happened when I was 14 years old. My father accompanied me to the therapy and the doctor asked me to try holding my father’s hand slowly. I followed the doctor’s instructions and succeeded for the first time. My father was so happy that he cried so much while thanking God and the doctor. I also cried in happiness while caressing his hand.

After he brought me back home and announced the good news to my mom, he received a call from the office asking him to visit the office due to an emergency issue on a huge industrial machine they are currently maintaining. He hurriedly went to the office with a sorrowful look since he was granted a 1 day vacation leave.

Later that day, before dinner time, my mom’s phone started to ring. She hurriedly answered while putting it on speaker mode so she can still continue cooking while speaking, but it is news about my father’s death in an accident that occurred at work.

A fire broke out all of the sudden, so my father used a fire extinguisher hoping to put out the fire, but the fire extinguisher on his hand exploded, causing his death on the spot and injuring 10 more employees near him.

My mother was shocked and dropped her phone before fainting. I panicked as I contacted the emergency hotline for help while bursting into tears.