An Italian’s Escort Lover

Niccolo Point of View

I’m not sorry.

No, I shouldn’t be. With the amount of pain I had to struggle without her, for her, I’m not sorry that I’m acting this way.

The moment I saw her in my Nonna’s house, I didn’t understand what was happening. Why was she there, what was she doing, how she happened to be with Nonna; all the questions swarmed me at once making me dizzy.

The moment I saw her, tears sprung in my eyes at the mere sight of her. Just how many days, how many minutes and how many damn seconds has it been that felt that kind of relief the moment I laid my eyes on her. It was almost as if the air has finally made its mind to cure my desperate lungs.

That relieved I was!

She looked pale but she does look healthy. There was no mark on her which means she was good and safe and that was the prime assurance I needed. She was weak but she was well and that made me live few more years.

I prepared myself to go and hug her the very moment I saw her but Nonna ran to me and hugged me on the doorstep, whispering me all the behind story of Bella life these past two months. If I say I was angry, it would be an understatement.

She had to go through sexual abuse, had to stay on streets without food and shelter for days, almost died in rain for what, just because she wanted to stay away from me?

Damn, I understand her. I understand her reasoning as well but my anger is justifiable too.

All these years of staying together, loving each other, I at least expect some explanation from her. All I wanted from her was just come to me, tell me her decision and tell her part of the reasons. Was it so much to ask?

“I asked you to get out, Miss Smith.” I snapped without even looking at her. I know I was being rude to her but this is needed for now.

She should know how I am feeling right now and how much of pain she caused me.

Y-yes, s-sir. Yes, of course.” I heard her whimper. Hearing her call me ‘sir’ pierced my heart and I know I hurt her by addressing her with her surname.

Sometimes, I wonder if this pain and distance between us would ever end. We spend some good time with each other, fate makes sure to push us through difficult times.

Are we really destined to each other?

“Ah yes, Phoebe. Have you filled the juice jug?” Asked Nonna coming into my room just as Bella was leaving. I noticed Bella nodding her head positively and walking out before turning back to look at me once again. I pretended to work on laptop, avoiding her gaze intentionally.

She should know I was hurt and angry. I almost killed myself when she was not with me. Didn’t she not at least once thought how she would live if I was dead?Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Nonna locked the door once Bella left and came and sat beside me patting my shoulder.

“When I said I wanted you to teach her a lesson, I didn’t mean for you to go this hard on her.” She put in, pushing the laptop from me.

“I am angry and hurt.” I replied back. She just smiled at me and nodded at me contently and I know it must be because she saw a little spark inside me again.

“Like you said; so does she. I don’t want you to give her cold shoulder. It would only increase the distance between you. Nicco, you need to teach her a lesson. Lesson about how she shouldn’t care about the world and others when she has you all for herself. That confidence, you cannot give her when you are pouting in the corner.” She reprimanded.

I looked confused at her because I know I tried. I tried to build this confidence in her with love, I tried friendship, I tried everything but the doubt she has on herself has never really reduced.

“I tried everything, Nonna. You know what is more confusing?” I asked sighing heavily. I lied down on the bed and placed my head on her lap. Nonna like always ran her fingers soothingly in my hair making me heave in relaxation.

“That I actually feel her. It would be good if I cannot feel her hesitation and insecurities but you know what, I consider them. Her life wasn’t that easy to start with and that was one of important reasons I chose to deal with her patiently every time. My dilemma is I find no correct way to make her realize that I don’t care. I don’t care what or who she was as long as we love each other.” I exasperated.

I thought I would be able to deal with my Bella once I meet her but it seems like it is harder than it appears to be.

Nonna just hummed in response and did not reply back. I like how she is massaging my head with her lean fingers. It’s such a stress buster.

Ah, how I missed this feeling!

“So, what do you suggest I should do?” I asked again after awhile. I think I have used all the ways I know and what I need now is a word from experienced person.

I hope Nonna has some solution for this. Some good solution for this whole complicated situation.

“I don’t know yet, Son. The relationship you both hold is very complicated to see but if look into its depth, it is pretty easy to solve. Time has given you your love back; I guess you just need to wait for the time to show us a way to deal with it. Till then, don’t go too harsh on her.” She said.

I nodded lightly letting her words sink in me. Then time it is.

“Get some sleep, we will talk tomorrow. I will send Phoebe tomorrow morning to ask you about your breakfast preferences. Use your alone time with her wisely. Don’t let the distance between amplify more than it is now.” She left the room giving me space to think.

You still pose to be an unanswered question to me like you once were, Bella. What do I do with you?

What should I do with you? How ever I make you feel secure with me?

Sleep was far away to me when I am just a room away from Bella. I miss her in my arms so much and I’m so tempted to go watch her sleep like I always used to but stopped myself. I don’t want to make a mistake before things get clear out.

The whole night I twisted and turned on the bed unable to get her out of my mind. Somewhere in the middle of the night I heard footsteps approach the door and stopped for few minutes. By the soft vibration of the sound, I understood who it is.

I closed my eyes and pretended to be in deep sleep when the door creaked open slightly. My heart was thumping when her sweet smell approached me slowly.

What was she doing here?

Minutes later of what felt like being stared down by her, I faintly felt her breath on my face making my heart jump in frenzy. A pair of soft lips pressed lightly on my forehead making me hard to act.

If I can, then I would just pull her into my arms and hug her till the eternity. I would never let her go anywhere far from me more than an inch.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. I’m surprised at the sad and defeated tone. “I didn’t want to go away from you Nicco. I- just I – felt like I’m being a hurdle in your life, my love.” I felt a tear drop on my chin which isn’t mine. I felt my eyes moist as well when I heard her miserable tone.

Oh Bella, what have you done to yourself?

“You are a character right out of a book to me, Nicco. The character I love and I fancy but the person I can never get. You know Nicco, when I imagine my future with you, I saw nothing but blank. I –I love you so much but if there is anything I learnt through my life, then it is that love isn’t everything. Love cannot be everything there are many more aspects that needs to be considered in being a couple.” I heard her whisper choked in tears.

I know Bella. I know, please don’t cry. Trust me I curse myself for doing this to you but I do know what you are going through my chocolate.

“I’m sorry that I broke your heart. I’m so sorry, Nicco. You gave me nothing but happiness and in return I couldn’t give you anything but misery. I wish you never met me… at least that way life would’ve spared you from the depression that you get from me.” Her soft hiccups grew louder and so does my heart beat.

I badly wanted to hug her and comfort her, tell her that she is mine and I’m never ashamed of her. But her next words brought a new resolution in me.

“Where should I go so you wouldn’t be able to find and live happily, Nicco.” With that, I know what to do next.

I know how to deal with her, deal with our complications.

I finally understood what should be done in order keep her with me forever.

I will never let her slip from my hands again. NEVER!

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