Always Been You

She whirled around. Determined to walk away from him. She had had enough of this conversation. Her first step was her last, because she felt him take her arm and pull her back towards him. She found herself pressed against his hard chest and she didn’t want to be there. She couldn’t think when she was that close to him.

“Let me go, Jensen,” she said breathlessly. He was so big, so dark, so powerful. So angry! She couldn’t help herself. She automatically tried to back away from him. She couldn’t. He was everywhere, looking as big and formidable as ever.

New lines formed around his mouth and eyes. His gaze stroked over her, piercing through any protective barriers she thought to construct. He’d always had a way of seeing right to the heart of her.

“No,” he said, His eyes blazing, glittering with anger and frustration. “I’m not going anywhere, Kat. Really, I can’t believe you’re still throwing that in my face. How many times do I have to apologize for that”

“That’s the thing, Jensen. There is nothing to apologize for” Katherine said. “I’m not holding that against you”

“Except that is exactly what you are doing… You can’t let it go. You are punishing me for a mistake I made in the past and that’s not fair at all.”

Katherine closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She couldn’t have this conversation. Not now. And even if she did, she didn’t know how she could best explain her fears to him. “Please Jensen. I don’t want to talk about this right now. You know what, I think you should leave?”

He opened his mouth to speak but there was a knock in the door that very second and Katherine was glad for the interruption. She went to answer the door and outside stood Claire and Tim.

“Oh hello, Claire. Please come in” Katherine said, trying her best to sound as cheerful as possible.

“I’m so sorry I’m bringing Tim home now. It was totally my fault. I invited him to stay” Claire said as she came in.

“It’s alright” Katherine said.

“Oh, hello, Jensen,” Claire said when she saw Jensen.

“Hi, Claire,” Jensen said simply.

“Urhmm, I didn’t know you were… Do you need me to take Tim with me? He can have a sleepover with my boys” she said as she turned back to Katherine when she noticed the tension in the room. “If you need some time” she added quietly.

“It’s fine. Thank you, Claire” Katherine said. “But Jensen was just leaving”

Claire looked from Katherine to Jensen and back to Katherine. No one moved. They were both locked in a staring contest.

“Owkay” Claire said. “I think I will be leaving now. Good night. Take care Tim”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

After she left Tim began as he turned to Katherine. “I’m so sorry I’m late, mom,” he said. “I know I should have been here”

“It’s okay, honey,” Katherine said. Thinking that maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t been around. She didn’t want him seeing this. “Just go to your room and change into your pyjamas. I will be there soon. Make sure you take a shower and brush your teeth”

“Is everything okay, mom?” he asked. Even he could sense that something was wrong. “You look really mad” he shifted his gaze to Jensen. “Both of you,” he added.

He didn’t move.

“Do as your mom says, son,” Jensen said.

“Everything is fine, honey. Now go upstairs” Katherine said.

“Okay” Tim said as he went to his room reluctantly.

Katherine turned to face Jensen.

“Kicking me out of your house, Kat?” he asked calmly, watching her closely.

“I told you I don’t want to have this conversation, so yes, I am”

“Fine” he said, then he began to move closer to her. Katherine stood where she was, determined not to let him intimidate her. He stopped right in front of her.

“I will leave,” he said softly. “Though I don’t understand why you would want to give up something as amazing as what we have… I don’t understand why you keep letting the past come between us… But can you look me in the eye right now and tell me that these past two weeks haven’t been totally amazing? That it hasn’t been one of the best you have ever experienced? Don’t even think about denying it. Because I know you, Kat. I know how you felt… You couldn’t have faked the way you felt in my arms”

Katherine said nothing, just stared at him, because she knew he was right . His eyes seemed darker with emotion or something else. She couldn’t say… They were really intense. He was close on her heels and she could feel the anger emanating from him.

A wave of hurt hit her hard as she lowered her gaze to his shirt collar, unable to look into his eyes anymore. In this moment she realized that she truly loved him. She always had. Always would. Her chest hurt so bad that she couldn’t breathe. But there was a picture in her head… One that refused to go away… One that stayed with her no matter how hard she tried to let go and one that made her put all these defenses around her. Her mind went back to the day when she’d stood in front of him after she had told him how she felt years ago, devastated, completely and utterly broken, while he told her he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

She heard his sharply indrawn breath, saw his broad chest lift, expand, and looked up to find his head bent towards hers. His hands clamped around her upper arms. His gaze fastened on her mouth. Her own pent up breath parted her lips. Anticipation kicked through her mind, scattering all her wits. He was going to kiss her. Was she going to let him… She wanted him to let him… she was going to let him… Despite everything.

But he spoke instead.

“I don’t understand why you insist on doing this to us. But I can’t force you into anything or make you do anything. If you are going to be with me, I want it to be your decision… I want you to be all in with me, with no doubts and without holding back. I want all of you… I want you to trust me… You clearly don’t… So I guess this is it for us.”